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The last day of school felt freeing at first but by the time I came home, I felt exhausted.

My 8th grade teacher had asked me that same question at the end of class that everyone kept asking me. I didn’t know what to say. I know she had good intentions but it was a really personal decision that seemed to be hard to answer.

I did say something different this time since I was tired of telling everyone the same thing again and again:

“I just want to be myself.”

All she had to say to that was:

“That is what you already are. I’m asking what kind of job do you want to work for in the future?”

My last response to that was:

“I will think about it.”

I don’t know if I heard something different, but it sounded as if she didn’t really like that I couldn’t choose. If growing up means you have to focus on one part of yourself, what happens to all of the other parts of you?

I asked my family this question at the dinner table and it gave me some feedback I was not expecting.

My father said:

“As far as having a job goes, working should help you become a better person when you grow older. You’re helping other people by giving them your services through your skills.”

My mother said:

“Darling, as long as you love what you do to help others, that is what matters.”

My older brother said nothing per usual. Sometimes, I feel like he doesn’t care about anything I say. Maybe he thinks I’m boring just like my classmates do.

When I finished that conversation, I went to my room feeling not so ready for high school. You have to fill out these forms and applications and it was starting to feel even more overwhelming trying to decide where I would be in the next three months.

Would I get to be myself in high school? What if I was going to have to travel a farther distance away from home? Would I have time to play with Lilac like I always did on Saturdays? What about my sister’s birthday? What if I became like my older brother and started ignoring people?

Would I even get to visit my memorabilia anymore?