Jun 17, 2025
I genuinely feel like the explanation at the end ruins this story. We had very little concrete detail laid out to begin with, and backloading all of it ruins the immersion, which is a pity. The concept at the start was very interesting - how a woman so detached from the world apparently took in gentleman callers as a means to pass the time and get *something* to fall asleep.
The break into the third person section could be done a bit smoother. I think it would help if you revealed the name(s) of the character in the first part, so we can then identify them all in the second part. That way, the reader's whiplash at seeing one person suddenly split into three can be funneled into a more natural reveal.
For what it's worth, I think this is one of the more creatives use of the prompt, and a very cool concept to top it all off. Which isn't a surprise, creativity has never been a problem for you; however, I think a bit more narrative cohesion may smooth out the rougher edges of your plots.
Good luck and have fun,
Bubbles.
