Sometimes The World Isn't What You Think It Is
*Darkness… darkness, I am alone in the darkness but why? I haven’t always been like this, I, I really don’t know what happened but here I am all alone. *
…or so I though, I am not really all alone, I have friends, I have a family, I have people who care about me. The thing is, I feel one feeling that I just can’t get away. (Loneliness)
I feel loneliness whenever and wherever I am.
I wish I didn’t have these feelings but I just can’t help it.
My name is Keita and I am 16 years old, I am a half Norwegian and half Japanese boy in my second year of high school in Norway, and so far it’s not going to bad.
I was really excited starting the school year again, mostly because I am very interested in IT which is what I am doing in school and it is pretty awesome.
Sadly enough I don’t have any friends in class, however that is just ok I might be able to get some later on the school year (I hope…)
Little did I know, that I forgot that I can’t talk to people.
I can talk just fine with my family and friends, however!
I just can’t speak to any other person on my own, BUT WHY…?
Since I already do have my friends at home, doesn’t mean I am all set when I am at school.
I want to make friends, I want to talk to people, I don’t want to be afraid of this.
My friends and family knows about this, they try to tell me that it isn’t that difficult, sadly enough I just don’t want to listen to them. I know it is not dangerous just talking to strangers and making friends, it’s just me who can’t do it, and never have been able to by myself.
I have been to psychologists before, but they have never really helped me out. And now after I started my second year of high school, I haven’t been able to make any friends yet, However. I am going to accomplish my goal. Which might never happen, it just depends on how much I’ll grow in this coming school year.
One of my best friends Markus, is kind of like me but at the same time not. We basically are completely different. He says that he doesn’t really care about this stuff, and he makes friends if he wants to. That is what I want to aswell but I do have another feeling that kind of are in the way. That is that I feel loneliness every single day, I don’t know why but I feel like I am on this planet for no reason. I was born on this planet, and I have no reason to be here anymore. I have though these thoughts a lot in the past and still now, I am the same. The thing is that I don’t want to die, I do have the will to live, however I just don’t know what to do and that makes me feel depressed.
That was all before I found this girl.
I have this app which is a language learning app for me learning Japanese. (Yes, even though I am half Japanese I don’t know Japanese. My mom is not my real mom and my real mom never really taught me Japanese because I was way too young to learn anything. And me knowing Norwegian is a lot more important for me now.)
So this girl, her name was… Haruka
Haruka, hmm. That’s a pretty name.
I started texting her on the app because I wanted her to help me with my Japanese learning, which I am really struggling on. She after a few minutes agreed whit me and we were from now on language partners.
She is learning Norwegian while I am learning Japanese, really what better thing can you possibly ask for in this situation?
She asked if I wanted to call her later on today. I told her that I couldn’t do that because of my theory exam for my scooter, because I want to drive instead of walking everywhere. And having to depend on someone picking me up every single time is annoying.
I said then again that possibly next week I would be available for calling and practicing our languages.
We messaged a lot whit each other for the entirety of my bus trip home, I sadly had to leave when I got of the buss but she said ok let’s talk another time.
I got of the bus and said to myself, What the hell did I just do?
I have no idea of what I actually did however, I got a friend online.
I don’t really want to tell anyone though, because she is a girl and me talking so casually with a girl is actually, just weird for most of the people I know, even myself. I messaged her again after I got home, she didn’t reply. I though that she might be sleeping because our time zones are big, even though I have no idea how big it is.
I went to check it out on the internet, when I realized. Are you kidding a 8 hour time zone!
I was in a complete shock, but I mean it does make sense doesn’t it? She is basically at the other side of the planet!
That kind of made me sad for some reason, I don’t know why but I really wish our time zones were a lot better than this. Well I could talk some more tomorrow I guess, I went to sleep after that thought.
It was a Wednesday the week after I talked to Haruka and I am finally ready to take the exam for my scooter license. I told her I might be able to talk today if I am able to complete this test. This time I am pretty scared I have already failed 2 times, and this is my 3rd time I really hope I do good on this test. I go to where the test is being held and I take a seat in front of a computer and start. These questions are a lot easier today than last time, might be because I have studied like crazy these past few days just for this to be done.
And 20 minutes later, I finally completed it with 2 questions wrong out of 30. Jesus Christ! I did it! Yes, I can finally drive my scooter and on top of that I can talk to haruka!
Wait why am I so excited to talk to her? I don’t really have a crush on her or something, so I don’t understand.
Maybe I do?