Chapter 1:

One

A Sequence of Events


"Go on, try it. You can do it."
I took a step forward into the beach water and kept walking. I kept anticipating that I was going to sink, but sure enough, I was walking on water. The frog looked ecstatic. 
"See, I told you could do it. This is the power of Christ. This is what your father gave you, this is your inheritance."Bookmark here

"Got it, can I go on my date now?"
"Fine."
I showed up to the stadium at 7:09. The game starts at 7:30.Bookmark here

"Hey! over here!"
I heard Marina call out to me. This was our first date, and we were going to watch the basketball game. 
You're probably wondering why I chose a basketball game as our first date as opposed to a simple lunch or dinner. Truth is, we're hiding our relationship from the United States government. If they found out I was talking to a girl, things would get hairy. If I walked into a restaurant and said "table for two" then the kitchen staff would detain me on the spot for suspicious activity. I always feel like I'm being watched.
Last year I made an agreement with the US government that I would avoid any romantic or sexual relationships with the opposite sex in exchange for them not kidnapping and murdering me. They view me as a threat due to my power. 
I am the son of Jesus Christ, yeah, THAT Jesus Christ. I was born into this world without a real father, with only Oprah Winfrey to take care of me. This makes me mixed race, thus I have the n-word as a valuable weapon if need be. I have no interest in having a loud existence though. I only want to live my life as any normal 22 year old would.
My thought process is interrupted by a loud fucking buzzer. 
Marina and I aren't really watching the game. Neither of us have any idea what's going on. I don't see Steph Curry anywhere. We're just talking about Bookmark here

Organometallic chemistry


Suddenly, I'm in China.
"Hi Paul."
It's the frog.
"What the fuck are you doing? I told you not to randomly zap me to Asian countries. I had to spend my entire fucking savings account getting home from the Philippines!"
"I'm going to show you something. Look to your left and pay attention."
I see Anita Sarkeesian talking to Xi Jinping.
"I must say, you are doing a wonderful job spreading communism to the west, Anita. Soon China will dominate the entire world."
"Of course Mr. Jinping, but I do have one thing I will need your help with. A Son of Christ has been born."
"Nani? Impossible."
"I don't understand either. I think this is directly Christ's doing though. This isn't the work of a mere holy man. I think Christ is finally challenging us."
"We killed God long ago.. This must be revenge. Say no more. We will eliminate the threat."
"No, there's no need to do that. We've struck a deal with the boy to leave him unharmed so long as he doesn't use his powers or procreate.
"Can we really trust him?"
"That's what I wanted your help with. I need some of your best men to simply act as spies. Keep an eye on him."
"That I can do, but I would rather just eliminate him, Anita."
"Do what you want. I was just feeling nice at that time. Whatever is best for China."
"Of course, whatever is best for China."

I'm suddenly back at the basketball game. I grab Marina's hand tightly and she looks at me confused.
"What's wrong?"
"We need to go, now."
"Where?"
"We need to have sex."
"Now?"
"Now."

We start walking to the nearest hotel, and I can tell she's nervous. It's both of our first times, and I'm rushing it. But there's no time to waste.

"So, is this how couples usually do their first time?"
"What do you mean?"
"I don't know. You just suddenly said 'we need to have sex' as if we had crossed a certain threshold or something."
"I'm sorry. Do you not want to have sex?"
"No, no. I do. I just think you're acting strange."
I let out an "Oh." but say nothing else. I don't know if I can tell her what I am.
We walk past a grocery store, and she starts making her way towards the entrance.
"Where are you going?"
"To buy condoms."
"No, no. We're not using condoms. I refuse. Also, the man should always pay for the condoms."
"...WHAT!?"
"I need you to get pregnant."
"No, not that. Don't ever say some dumb male shit like that again."
"Oh, sorry."
"Anyway, WHAT!? DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING? DO YOU EVEN HAVE A JOB?"
"Of course. I'm a blogger."
"Who do you write for?"
"No one. I write for myself. I talk about film."
"Do you get readers?"
"No."
"So, how are we going to take care of this baby?"
"We're not. I just need it to be born."
"Why? Explain. Help me understand, please."
"Hands up!"
We're suddenly surrounded by police.
"Under the orders of President Anita Sarkeesian, you are to be detained and brought to China for violating your agreement with her."
I grab Marina's hand and start running for it. Bullets whizz by our head and ricochet around, hitting innocent civilians. They don't even care. They just want to kill me."
We sprinted though alleyways for 30 minutes before we brushed them off. We conveniently ended up at a hotel. I bought a room for the night and we walked in.
"Are you going to explain why the police are after you?"
"I'm the only son of Jesus Christ, and I need you to have my kid so that I can have him help me defeat Xi Jinping, president of China, who is colluding with Sarkeesian."
"Understood."
She climbs on top of me in bed, and then...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
The baby is born.Bookmark here

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