Chapter 41:


The Sequence of Kai

I am somewhat unsure how to go about something like this.Bookmark here

First of all, thank you. Each and every one of you that made it this far, it means the world to me that you saw enough merit in my work to see it through. So again, thank you.Bookmark here

There’s a lot of things I would like to talk about here, some of my intentions writing this, plans going forward and to answer a question or two that has been asked of me.Bookmark here

First of all, the plans going forward. This is not the end of Kai, really it is only the beginning. I have so many stories I want to tell with these characters. Not just the ones you’ve seen so far but the ones you’re yet to see. Kai’s story can not end like this, that’s what I hope.

That leads me into one of the things I was asked to talk about, what Kai, the character means to me. I know how this is going to sound, but it isn’t so simple for me to just say that Kai is or isn’t me. I can say that for Paul, I can say that for Aaron but for Kai things are more complicated.Bookmark here

I wrote a prototype version of this concept many years ago, when I had just turned 18. It’s unrecognizable to what you see now. It was a TV script, it was far more linear. The cards were there, Bastien and Paul were there, but everything else was different.Bookmark here

Trish was called Alex back then and Kai was a boy called Abel. At that time, Abel really was quite like me. A little bolder, a little more confidant but essentially me. I started writing The Sequence of Kai (not that it was called that back then) because I had spent 3 or so years being unable to sleep on account of some very intense thantophobia.

I wanted to write a story to explore that, to see what my solution was to that fear. For the longest time I thought the solution was to be immortal, it was so simple really, just don’t die. But when I wrote Abel (as the character was called at the time) I realized that immortality was no solution. Even if I could not care about anything and live forever, I found that the 18 year old me that feared death was a much different person to the 16 year old me who feared it. If I lived forever it would be nothing but a slower death. So I shelved the story and moved on to something else, but I always wanted to come back to the concept.Bookmark here

Now that I am older, I felt more equipped to tackle this subject, to try and work myself through these feelings. I have more influences now, more sleepless nights underneath my belt but also many more where I slept well. This is why Abel became Kai, she needed to be both the same and different to me, she represents feelings I have and feelings I have had. In the future she will represent feelings I have come to have.

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Why I said I hope Kai’s story doesn’t end like this is exactly that. I haven’t convinced myself of anything by writing this much yet. I wrote Trish for a number of reasons but one of them is that I want Kai to have a reason to be happy, however illogical that might be for her. Isn’t it ok to want to be happy? I think I have to first desire to aspire to happiness before I can make any progress on that, if I resign myself to wallowing sadness, that is how my life will go.Bookmark here

I want to give you something uniquely me. I want to talk to you about these things that I feel words alone can’t describe. Even in this afterword, I don’t think I can convey what I feel properly… This is why my work may read as strange to some, it will never be about writing something to please people, but writing something that will communicate me to people. I have no idea how big of an audience there is for that, but it’s what I want to do.

So I will continue to write Kai, she will experience a journey with me as I will with her. I can only hope that at the end of it, is a happy conclusion. You know as much as I do in that regard.

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So I would be overjoyed if you would follow me in that journey, wherever it takes me.

I realize this has become a bit winding, but that seems appropriate to me. If you have any specific questions, please ask me in the comments and I will try to answer them if I can.

Thank you for sharing your time with me,
Oscar & KaiBookmark here

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