Was it okay? Was it really, really okay?
Those were the thoughts that haunted him, the uncertainty of an ambivalent heart that screamed for answers that never came not from others but, from his own self.
He did not know how it started. It just happened in the blink of an eye, hidden from everyone and yet, no one. Happiness filled his heart to be crushed into tiny little pieces day after day, withering in agony just like the dried rose next to “her” bed.
Afterward, he came to the conclusion that it was not enough. That something had to be done. Said pain just made him feel nice inside.
So, so nice.
He thought he was sick and twisted for having such thoughts coming from his own suffering.
So he began to open it up.
Ah, that pain was gratifying. A pain he felt was well deserved. A pain in the name of everyone that had suffered from an unjust fate.
Why do people feel disappointed in others? Do they have to fulfill a specific role for them to be accepted? To be tolerated and loved?
What are expectations anyway? What do people expect of me? What do people expect from all of this? What do I expect from this mess?
More unanswered questions clouded his mind and made him fall into an unending spiral of eternal despair. Ah, he could not wait for it to end soon.
Such a huge disappointment.
But that meant he had expectations for himself as well. If he can’t quite fit the expectations for himself, how is he supposed to achieve his only purpose in life? The only heartbeat that keeps him going through a monochrome world.
How do you even know what people expect from you?
Is there a manual? Because if there was one, I would be glad to own it and stop being a huge failure. This whole thing turned out into a complete, chaotic disaster and there’s no way to stop it.
Although, he remembered. A small light of happiness appeared and he eluded it for so, so long. When you gain something like happiness there is always room for a major loss. And that major loss was not the close relationship he had formed over those few years of loneliness, but perhaps from a friend.
“You’ve had your toll of bad experiences. You deserve to be happy with someone, give yourself a chance again. It’s your time.”
He knew. He knew it well.
But “she” knew, even more, he did not deserve it at all.
Not at all.
Ah, wish I could redo my life from scratch.
The hand etched on the bed twitched, while the boy raised his head towards the moonless night.
In a place where the moon shan, stealing the stars light in an empty sky, the vacant alleyways were haunting the souls of every person in the colliding crosswalk. The metal lanterns that illuminated the capital of Gifu were nothing more than mere decorations for the shadows that lurked during that time. Running through the night, hopping between buildings, a figure stood near the downtown that goes by the name of Yanagase. Background characters were engrossed in gaming, gossiping and shopping.
People watching was a favourite hobby of the Observer.
But their clock stuck ten o’clock and knew the show was about to begin as soon as an unnoticeable explosion for the extra characters took place. Apparently, the barrier had been formed earlier than expected. The Observer smiled, delighted into what was going to delve tonight while one of the bystanders tumbled between the darkness. Grudgingly making their way into an emptied area, a businessman like any other from the million stood in silence, just to collapse in seconds holding his head in despair and agony.
“I’m sick and tired of all of this. Tired of this world being so unfair! Hard work isn’t enough anymore! If only… If only I…!”
The Observer smirked. The show was about to begin.
The man was swallowed by a bright, purple aura while energy emerged from his pupils. The HeartBit of Bestiality was taking over, but the Observer wasn’t panicking because they knew that wasn’t the spectacle they were eagerly waiting for.
The cherry blossom trees swayed with the wind, bringing forth a spiral of rain in the shape of candy.
Ah, the Observer felt displeased.
Still, he saw the origin of said power and sighed.
“Your time is almost over. Have fun, number Ninety-Two. I did not have high expectations from you, anyway.”
A battle began, being swallowed by nothingness.
Her eyes were wide open and, the first thing she did, was to go straight towards her mobile phone. Stretching her hands to reach the ringing device, she did her utmost effort to don’t fall from the bed. When she saw who decided to give her a call at two in the morning, the girl couldn’t help but open her mouth to take a deep breath before opening the flip phone. Her charms and straps moved to the left, following the movement of her head.
“It’s almost two-thirty,” she said in a calm voice, rubbing her eyes.
“I love you” were the only words that came out from the other line.
“Is everything okay?” she now sat properly, crossing her legs on top of the couch while hugging her pillow.
“I love you” they repeated.
“Please, try to sleep” the girl looked through her curtains, her eyes gleaming with disappointment when a star stopped shining in the sky.
“Alrighty then, good night.”