Royal Problems (1)

It looked like a dragon, no a turtle- Wait. It was most definitely a dragon turtle. I’m in a fantasy world after all.

There was a large chair in front of me. I’m guessing this is a throne room. Sitting on the throne there was a large man adorned in clothing that could only really be described as royal.

Where his hair should have been there was a bright pink flame, including his beard and sideburns. He exuded a fierce aura that left no doubt as to who was in charge.

I lightly shook my body and felt chains on my arms and legs. I was on my knees, with a guard at each of my sides.

This looks bad. But at least my wounds are gone. Even my clothing has been mended where I was stabbed. Actually… It looked as though it had never even happened in the first place.

“So you’re finally awake?” the king said, he had a deep voice that echoed throughout the chamber. “Usually I don’t personally deal with miscreants like you, even with the amount of damage you caused, but because of special circumstances I have no choice but to get involved myself.”

He spoke as though I were a mere insect. I hate being talked down to, but this wasn’t the time for such feelings to show through.

“Are you aware of what you’ve done?” he asked.

Of course I am. I just don’t know exactly what you think I’ve done.

“Not really, I don’t clearly remember everything that happened…” I lied. “Would you mind clarifying for me so that there aren’t any mix ups?”

“Of Course I Mind!” he yelled back at me. “But for the sake of a fair trial or whatever I guess I have to…”

Fair trial? I thought this was a medieval court. You’re the king, aren’t you?

“Let’s start with your charges,” the king said before snapping.

Then a lizard demi human who was in the room walked closer to me. He had light green scales and was adorned in a purple robe and wizard hat.

“Yesss, my liege,” the lizard man said before turning to me. “Now, where shall we ssstart?”

Why was he pronouncing his s’s like that? The other lizard man I met didn’t do that. I’m pretty sure he’s just doing it for show. As proof he missed an s.

“Let’sss-ssssee…” he continued before reading off a clipboard. “You are charged with: Ssssneaking into the capital, dessstruction of property, being a ssspy, and attempted regicide. If you have nothing you wisssh to contest, then just sssign your name here and-” he brought the clipboard closer to me as he said that last part.

“W-wait, I want to contest!”

The lizard man sighed.

“How much of it do you wish to contest?”

“A-all of it?”

“They always want to do all of it…” he muttered before speaking in a more business oriented tone. “Before we begin I am legally required to inform you that thisss trial will undergo usage of the truth ssspell. The truth sspell isss a spell that will carve a rather painful, but not permanent, mark into a visible part of your ssskin or whatever you have that conssstitutess-sskin. After the trial the truth sspell will be removed and we may heal any markssss or other injuriess caused by it. If you wissh to forego the usssage of the truth sspell we’ll be obliged to kill you here and now. So do you give consssent for ussage of the truth spell on your perssson?”

“I kinda don’t really have a choice…”

“Answer with a yes or no please.”

“Yes.”

“Good,” he waved his hand and a black and white light came out of it and flew into my mouth. I then felt a foriegn energy fill my body.

“Pleasse-ssstate your name for the court.”

“My name is Oliver Betelguese Sean.”

The lizard man then recorded my response. Or rather, he used a floating feather pen to do it.

“Do you wish to sssstate a lie so that you may feel the effect of the truth spell for yourssself?”

“I think I’ll pass…”

“Good good,” he said without looking up. “Now, did you or did you not sssneak into the capital?”

“I didn’t, I walked through the gate.”

“And how did you get in without having the proper credentialsss?”

I need to be very careful with how I go about this. I’m not in the mood to be caught lying or to feel the effects of this truth spell.

“This morning, actually I don’t know if it was morning or not but earlier today I woke up in the pink lava fields with nothing but the clothes I had on me. I nearly died from overheating before a traveller spared an ice elixir for me and then after asking for directions to the nearest civilization I came here and basically begged my way into the walls because I didn’t think I’d last very long outside.”

“Hmm…” he muttered as he recorded the results. “Are you responsible for the destruction that was found very near your person upon being arrested?”

“Uh…”

Crap. I was, wasn’t I?

“That was… an accident. I was fighting this guy who called himself the Liquid Assassin when I used that power. I didn’t mean for it to be so destructive.”

The pen whittled down on the paper.

“Are you a sssspy for either Ssssspurrlandia, Kendela, or Ossea with ssspecial regards to their current triple war against Lavaland?”

Finally, an answer I don’t have to tiptoe around.

“No.”

“Are you a ssspy for any of the aforementioned countriessss/kingdomssss in regardsss to other matters?”

“No.”

“Are you a ssspy for a different country/kingdom in regardsss to the matter at the heart of Lavaland’sss current triple war?”

Seriously, we’re still going on with the spy stuff?

“No.”

“Are you a ssspy for a different country/kingdom in regards to anything else?”

“No.”

“Are you a ssspy for any unlisted partiesss in regards to the matter at the heart of Lavaland’sss current triple war?”

Oh my gosh! How many more times are you gonna ask if I’m a spy!?!

“No.”

“Are you a ssspy for any unlisted party in regardsss to anything else?”

“No.”

The pen took a little time to catch up.

“Let’sss continue…” the lizard man replied. “Regarding the attempted regicide, did you-?”

I cut him off.

“I didn’t attempt regicide in any form,” I said. “Honestly I’m having trouble seeing where that fits into play. The other accusations at least make a little sense but that one seems like it’s just randomly thrown in there.”

“Heh?” the lizard man, the king, and the guards all looked at me in surprise.

But why though? I didn’t even try to kill anyone, except that assassin guy. Wait a sec…

“Sssso, You’re denying any form of attempted regicide?” the lizard man asked.

I already knew where this was going.

“Attempted regicide, completed regicide, planned regicide, half-assed regicide,” I said. “I haven’t done any or all possibly conceived forms of regicide.”

“Ssso what you’re sssaying is that you didn’t attack princessssssss Marion?”

“Who?”

“You know,” the lizard man started before holding up a hand at his side. “Yea high, silver hair and eyes, pale skin, looks very soft, was wearing a pink dress.”

Wait- you mean the girl I SAVED was the princess, AND I’m now being charged with trying to kill her just because I was the only other person around?! What The Hell! This is why I’m usually against doing nice things! Shit like this always happens to me!

“What?! I wasn’t trying to kill her! I-!” I caught myself. Getting mad would just make the situation worse. I need to calm down before continuing…

“Strange… thisss doesn’t match the report…”

What report? Wait… That royal brat didn’t misunderstand and think I was trying to kill her, right? No no, that’s not possible. Such a large, horrible mix-up couldn’t be possible. Right?

Wait, she was knocked out before I was, there’s no way she could’ve done it. Those guards though…

“Ah… who am I kidding… that’s totally what happened…” I muttered.

“What?”

Apparently, the lizard man had heard me.

“Who are you kidding? What’sss totally what happened?”

Shit. I need to think of something quick.

“Uh, sorry that just slipped out. I was thinking that whoever gave the report saw my and the princess’ unconscious bodies or something and then made the assumption that I was the one attacking her. Come to think of it, I did turn away when I saw the guards, so they might’ve thought that the stab wounds from the knife that was in my gut was me trying to silence myself, but that wasn’t the case.

“Also thanks for healing those by the way, because I think I might’ve died otherwise,” I added.

“Hmmm…” the lizard man pondered something before turning to the king. “If what he’sss-sssaying is true…”

“Then it would change very little,” the king said. “An assassin still got into the walls of our city and to Marion. We’re gonna have to take drastic measures…”

Drastic measures? What kind of drastic measures?

“In any cassse, what ssshall we do with thisss boy? Judging from the destruction he causssed, he isssss quite powerful. It might be too dangerous to just let him go…”

“How so? If what he’s saying is true there shouldn’t be any danger.”

“He may not be lying but ssssomething jusst doesn’t feel right…”

“You think so?”

“It’s merely a gut feeling, my liege. Although it may be due to this triple war…”

The king sighed. “This war is more taxing than I would have expected. If we could just find someone for ‘that’ then we could focus our efforts on the war…”

‘That’?

Sounds promising. If I could solve whatever problem “that” is then not only could I get out of this mess, but I could also earn some clout!

“Excuse me,” I interrupted. “But what are you talking about?”

They both stared at me with surprised looks on their faces.

“You understand serpent tongue?!” the lizard man said.

Serpent tongue? I thought we were speaking English, or whatever the language is here. It all sounds like English to me anyway.

“What’s serpent tongue?” I asked.

“Don’t act as if you don’t know what we’re talking about when you’re speaking the language perfectly!” the king shouted at me.

“Aren’t I under the effects of a truth spell?” I said. “If I was lying wouldn’t you know about it?”

The king then turned to the lizard man.

“The spell’s still under effect…” he muttered. “What does this mean…?”

I… may have made a mistake…

So much for earning clout-

“Wait!”

As I was thinking that I suddenly heard the doors open behind me followed by that voice. For whatever reason it sounded vaguely familiar. Not like I knew who it was, but more like I’d heard it once before.

I turned to look and- Come to think of it, I haven’t looked behind me yet. The doors were made out of-

That’s not important. What is important is that someone was now running into the room.

Oh, it’s that princess that I saved.

Why isn’t she slowing down?

“Gah!”

My question was then answered as she tackled me from behind, sprawling her body on top of mine.

She really is soft.

“Don’t hurt him!”

Look, I think it’s nice and all that she came to try and help me, but…

That hurt, damn it! Someone get this bitch off of me!

Huh, I almost yelled that.