Chapter 1:

Turtles can't use Scalpels

It's past my mind being sober (No I don't drink)

I once found a turtle named Derby. He said to me "Why did you step on me?"

I said to him, "Sorry, I was in a hurry. I'm off to the derby."

Then he said back, "You were about to slip on one."

"No I wasn't. How do you slip on a derby?"

"Simple, he's right under your feet."

"Wait, derbies are people?"

"No. My name is Derby."

"You're a horse race?"

"Do I look like a horse to you?"

"Well you have four legs, a long neck, and a saddle."

"This is a shell. And I ain't a horse."

"Then why did you say you were?"

The turtle gave me a look. "Have you been to a doctor lately?"


"Well you're overdo for one. Either an ear or brain doctor. Here, go see Doctor Mink on Doctor Drive."

"Doctor Drive?"

"Yes, Doctor Drive. It's a road where only doctors live. My cousin lives there."

"Doctor Drive. Dr Dr. Drive Doctor."

"No it's Doctor Drive."

"Never heard of him."

"No it's a road. Doctor Drive."

"He must be fast."

"No. Doctor Drive the road."

"He should. That's the only way to get to work."

"Are you not listening to me. It's called Doctor Drive. A road. Where people live."

"So you're telling the doctor to drive through a neighborhood?"

"NO! It's Doctor Dr."

"Doctor Doctor. Talk about weird names."

"NO! Doc. Tor. Drive. Is. A. Road."

"Roads can get certifications?"

"Why don't you take two steps back?"

And so I took two steps back. Next thing I know I'm hit by an ambulance.

The End.

Two guys looking at a tombstone with the story from above.

"Boy this guy was stupid."