Chapter 14:

Admittance (5)

An Identity Beyond Self

{"...Man is condemned to be free. Condemned, because he didn't create himself, yet is nevertheless at liberty, and from the moment he is thrown into this world… He is responsible for everything he does."} Written by Jean-Paul Sartre.

A great philosopher who argued that you existed in the present first, thus affirming your 'Essence' through actions in the moment. Someone who acts like a bad person will be a bad person in essence...

...but is that really all Simon was?

Those who don't know true failure think that the world is reliant on hard work. Everything from the TV Shows to world of fiction have always shown him how devote oneself; effort doesn't betray you!

However, what happens if it DOES betray you?

How do you pick yourself back up?

It wasn't that Simon failed once and decided to stay down. He was once known for his endurance of mind. A 'Calamity Crusher' who'd walk the thorny path no matter how difficult it may be.

He was a legend deserving of his fame. A man who who had embodied the very essence of heroism.

...All until that 'Essence' eventually faded away.

Now that it was gone, did he have a right to exist?

Or was he condemned to still be free?

He looked around the dreamworld 'home' to find a wine bottle to drink from. It made him feel alive...!

Could alcohol fill that hole within him where his heroic 'Essence' used to be? Perhaps not...

But he still chose to drink anyway.

The Sacrilegious Wine let him be free. With it, the disappointment of failure wouldn't ever effect him.

If not a hero, then let him be a drunkard...

["Don't run from the choices you've been blessed with."] Those words resounded in his head again.

It was easy for 'him' to say that...

How would he know what he experienced?

The obstacle he'd overcome, and people he lost... would he be able comprehend any of it?

'My mind is too sober...' He quickly looked around for something to drink. Anything that could help.

However, there was nothing there.

He flipped his house upside down and messed up everything, but he still couldn't find one bottle...

That's why he used his second best option.

His body swayed and executed 'Ginga Scream'. It was a technique influenced him on a deeper level.

But just as he was about to reach the level of becoming intoxicated, he realised that the house vanished. He tripped, falling to the ground pathetically. The piercing eyes of Ariadne made him realise where he accidentally moved himself to.

She was with the same tree as before. This time, it seemed a lot more ominous thanks to his actions.

After all, the rope he had hung her on was still there. The way it hung made him think of death...

"Why are you here?" This was a question HE should be asking, but decided not to mess around.

It didn't look like she brought him here...

If so, does that mean he wanted to come here?

"I'd like it if you offered me a drink again." Simon decided to respond. He didn't 'hate' this woman.

He just felt unease when she was nice to him...

Sitting on the ground, a table and something to drink appeared before her similar to before.

But this time, she didn't seem eager to talk to him.

"Is this enough for you?" Rather than offering him a glass, she slid the whole bottle in his direction.

He quickly opened the cap and drunk it. Although the alcohol content was so low that... to the point someone with as a low tolerance as him wasn't effected much, the drunkard still thanked her.

Simon could taste the difference in the bottle's contents. As now, it actually tasted more like wine.

He realised that it wasn't that the alcohol content was too low, but that the wine had healing qualities.

Once hungover, the curing properties of the wine would heal him back to health extremely quickly. It made him stuck on the verge of drunkenness, but stopped him just at the very edge uncomfortably.

"You have the most lacklustre drinks to offer, as always." Simon spoke with a frown on his face.

"What is your decision?" She got to the point.


"You're not gonna save your 'grandson'? And I thought you cared for him." Her words pricked him.

"I do..."

"Could have fooled me."

"Don't be like this... You were the one who failed to see my true self. Don't you regret being kind to me now? You should've left me alone." He mocked while expecting her to lose her cool for a moment.

However, he didn't expect his words to hurt her so deeply. Those unique eyes of hers started to tear up... She showed an expression unbefitting of someone 'queenly', instead looking like a teenager.

The slightly drunk geezer didn't know what to do about this, so he decided to just turn his head.

He felt like trash after making her cry like this...

"...Do you ever think about the people you've left behind?" Eventually, Ariadne stopped and asked him a question that hurt him deeply. The old geezer turned his head and refused to give an answer.

She didn't stop talking when his response was an unbearable silence. The woman continued asking:

"When Theseus left me, I thought that maybe I'd done something to hurt him. He never talked about the problems he had, so I wasn't sure what I'd actually done. Did he hate me? Or was it just divine intervention? Either way, he walked out of my life."

"Good riddance, I say. Anyway, don't treat us like we're the same. I'm different from that guy."

"May I ask how exactly...?"

"I never had someone to talk to." These words made her stop crying. She looked at him angrily.

Then she calmed down. Once her expression mellowed down, she spoke in a loud; mocking tone:

"Not even that Capoeirista?" This time, it was HIM who felt irritated by her not respecting his privacy.

The atmosphere became hostile as they looked at each other. A thought occurred in his heart again:

'Should I just kill her?'

That would be the easiest way to deal with her persistent nagging. He really disliked the woman.

She held the hilt of her sword as he glared...


"Don't go crazy like the last time, okay?" A hand heavily smacked down on his shoulder, breaking the tension brewing between them. He didn't know that the 'Kill Switch' was watching them from afar.

It had eyes filled with a tranquil malice…

Ariadne and Rau saw the 'alter ego' in the distance behind the geezer; staring at them emotionlessly.

Though they chose to ignore him for Simon's sake.

"Get off of me...!" The old hippie brushed off the kingly bull-human's hand without thinking.

"We both get it. You can go have some rest."

"Shut it. Don't tell me what I should do... and stop pitying me. You don't understand anything."

"Really~?" His jovial way of answering irritated the geezer. He felt something behind this response.


"Do you know what it feels like to be born as someone rejected by the Heaven and Earth? To have no choice but to eat humans to survive? Can you even imagine being born to be a monster living only to be a stepping stone for 'Heroes' like you?"

"I'm not a hero..."

"You may not remember anything, but that doesn't change brave acts of chivalry and sins committed."

"Like I already said earlier: Let go." Seeing that the man didn't trust him enough to stop holding his shoulder, he became more annoyed. The old hippie didn't care about the suffering of others anymore...

"You're a 'slave' to your regrets and unfulfilled desires, aren't you?" Hearing Ariadne speak this caused the last thread of his sanity... *snap!* The old drunkard threw Rau and broke a table again.

"You don't know anything...!" Once again, he felt like slaughtering them. They were useless anyway.

He didn't need them if he was going to stay here...

Realising what Simon was thinking, Rau realised he made a mistake. The drunkard wasn't merciful.

Indeed, he didn't need a 'Kill Switch' to hurt others.

Disposing of them was easy. He had already done it once before. He'd kill them again if he wished...!

"Don't give up again." Ariadne tried persuading him against repeating the past. This wouldn't help him.

"Why should I listen to you anyway?" The geezer's face scrunched up scarily while glaring at her.

"It's easy to give up." Her expected response was so familiar to him that his rage heightened further.

It's easy to give up...?

"It's not!" He stamped his foot, causing the whole dreamworld to tremble. Vague memories from a past he couldn't properly remember arose in his head. He felt like his head was splitting open...

He heard the voices of many women. He couldn't remember their faces, but their words remained:

["Simon, you have to try harder."]

["You can do it if you try. We believe in you."]

["Only you can do this. So you MUST succeed!"]

["It's fine... We just have to try harder next time.]

["You aren't sacrificing enough. Try harder!"]

His eyes redeemed as he pointed at the queenly nymph, then his mouth moved to interrogate her:

"Do you think I'm a coward? Are you gonna say the same...? That I didn't try hard enough?! That I didn't sacrifice enough, that I was lazing around too much, that even now, I'm being a weakling?!"

"Never." One word, and the rage that had been building up inside him was quietened down.

"...Huh?" He ultimately felt confused. Why would she say that? Didn't they hate each other?

Did she forget what happened to them last time?

"You're trying." Even though her words should've been pleasant to hear, to be told this spurred a feeling a rejection. Even though he knew that what she said was true, he somehow felt like rejecting it.

"I... Y-yeah, I mean... I am." He affirmed, but was somehow unable to put his heart into affirming it.

"You're trying to be free. Isn't that why you chose to switch your style to Capoeira? Aren't I right?"


"But you also understand that you're nothing like them, right? Why bother pretending you are?"

"I..." Simon couldn't answer anymore.

The reason he became a bit infatuated with the Capoeira of his former friend, was because of what the style represented for him. He wanted liberation from despair, like those who were once confined.

They who loved music, singing, dancing, and fighting even when the slave houses took their freedom. Even when they had nothing. Even when they were being sold like marketed commodities.

When Simon heard more about Capoeira, he even more desired to feel that 'liberation' they felt...

...but he wasn't able to do so.

No music flicks make him forget his place in the world. He couldn't hide himself. Not from those who hated him, and not even from 'God'. Even the meaning of the word 'Capoeira' itself signified this.

If the word 'Caá' meant 'Forest', and 'Puéra' meant 'The Thing Existed', then Capoeira was 'The Forest That Once Existed'. In other words, the style was himself. If Capoeira was a 'Deforested Forest', then he was an 'A Hero That No Longer Existed As One'.

Everything was past tense, and he had lived his whole life in the past. Not daring to move forward.

He had no idea what would happen if he did...

What was the point of working hard? If failure meant losing something, isn't it better to avoid it?

He'd never fail at all if he never tried whatsoever...

"I think there's worth in your efforts." Rau silently stared at him. Ariadne then stepped up bravely.

Although they couldn't really 'die', being killed here again would put them in a state no different to it.

They'd be swallowed up and become empty shells.

However, the 'Most Holy' nymph didn't seem to put any of that into consideration as she walked ahead.

Her eyes were crystal clear and full of clarity...

When Simon first heard her words, he wasn't able to stop his heart from thumping. It was as if she spoke the words he'd always been waiting to hear his entire life. Almost as if she was giving salvation.

"...You don't mean it." After he spoke so, she finally reached where he stood and hugged him tightly.

He could feel a pleasant warmth and sincerity in her embrace that he'd never felt before.

It was as if she was coddling him. As if she was telling the old geezer that everything was okay.

He had done his best…

"I was wrong before. I'm sorry. You deserve to be praised." She spoke honestly without deceptions.

The voices in his head quietened down at her words. He felt all his negativity be blown away.

"I'm... not going to save Jordan." He repeated to stop her. Simon felt confused at her kindness.

Why was she still being nice to him...?

Something within him broke at that moment. He was unable to keep up a strong facade any longer.

"I'm weak." The old drunkard finally admitted to her and himself. He was unable to deny it anymore.

"I'm not brave or courageous. I'm indecisive. I avoid the issue, and give up whenever things get tough. D-don't... Don't act like this!" He pushed her away, believing he would melt in her arms.

This was a kind of person he couldn't handle. It felt as if the 'Utterly Pure' maiden had now returned.

He had to do something...!

"I'm no longer a hero. I'm just a loser." He stepped away from her, but she pressed him with words.

"Maybe..." She didn't disagree with him. Now, he truly was just a 'Loser' who stayed in one place.

Someone who refused to change...

"See! Then why-?"

"Still, I want you to know that because of you, a lot of people were saved. That's what made you known as the 'Calamity Crusher' back then. If you had never tried from the beginning, then there's no way others would respect you." Ariadne cut him off.

"..." Simon felt her words resonate within him.

He... did earn a lot from his past. Whether he had failed later on, it was a face he'd succeeded too.

Is that why she said 'daring' had worth...?

"You can't fail if you never try, but still... you also can't succeed if you never try as well, right~?" For the first time in a long while, she smiled at him. The previous resolution he felt crumbled to pieces.

"...But I might fail."

"You could also succeed."

"I'm not worthy of being a hero."

"But you still want to be one, don't you?" It was then he realised... her words hit the nail on the head. Even if not for others, he wanted to save Jordan... He wanted to be a 'Hero' to the youth.

When that 'grandson' remembered him. He wanted to young man to be able to say he was respectable.

...That he wasn't just a random loser!

Tears started rolling down his eyes as he choked up, remembering the dreams of heroism in his youth... and the person he had now become. Even if it was late, he wanted to change himself.

He felt like he'd needed these words since a long time ago, making him ask down on his knees:

"Why is the first one to tell me this... someone who doesn't even exist...?" He felt lost on the inside, but was able to pick himself up. He chugged down the rest of the alcohol in his hand before deciding.

He was going to take her hand!

"I'm disappointed..." Suddenly, the two head Rau spoke while looking like he had lost somehow.

They looked at the kingly bull-human, seeing the Kill Switch's shadow appear from behind the tree.

The man couldn't let Simon make this decision!

Ariadne and the drunkard understood this too...

They just couldn't understand why the 'Kill Switch' was assisting Rau. What was it even thinking?

"Just evening up the field." The 'Dark Ego' spoke while standing next to the bull-human proudly.

With his mere presence weighing them, Simon knew he'd to put his money where his mouth is.

Was he going to try saving his 'grandson' with a weak attitude that feared obstacles before him?

No! Never!!!

"You guys... Bring it on then." He taunted them with a burning flame of willpower that arose in his heart.

Ariadne recognised the 'strength' that was now pushing him forward. What drove him to fight...

...This stubbornness born of 'love' and 'duty'. He was finally acting like an adult at this moment.

Simon would die to save his 'grandson'!