The Magic Pill
I do not know what I’m doing today.
Actually, I don’t even know what I did yesterday, or the day before, or any fucking day ever.
As well as I do not know why I chose to write the main character for this shitpost to fall into the stupid and overused amnesia trope.
Woops, sorry, that wasn’t meant to be said aloud. Ahem.
So yeah, I do not remember anything. I only know that today, I woke up some random back alley, knowing nothing and having nothing in my possession.
Except for a buncha old clothes that I was wearing, and a couple of random pills that I found inside one of my pockets.
I obviously didn’t have a clue what those pills were, but they were the only half edible thing I could find in a 100 meter radius, so I just gulped one.
And then, ohhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THE PLEASURE!
Sparks flew everywhere, though I had no fucking clue of where they had come from, but they’re big and pretty colors so who careeeeeeees!!!!
After a bit there were so many color sparks flying around that I couldn’t see jack shit anymore. But I was too lazy to stand up anyway, so I just waited till the sparks faded.
And then I realized, I wasn’t in the dirty alley reeking of alcohol from before!
Actually, where the fuck was I?
And why did I feel like… I had no arms or legs? O shiet. This may be bad.
I tried to turn around to look at myself.
And then I saw it.
I was made of fucking rocks.
And next to me were weird looking birds and moving plants.
What in hell was this?!?!?! I was pretty sure there was a TV show about this… Or more like twenty… but oh shit I need to keep the amnesia character trait so I’m not allowed to remember!
“Come here, Onyx! What are you waiting for?”
Some girl’s voice called out to me. I turned around and found she was minuscule compared to me.
Her voice could have passed as any girl’s voice to anyone, except that this living pile of rocks I had become experienced a strange reaction to said voice.
If I was human, I’m sure the massive erection I got would have lasted for a century. But alas, I was a pile of rocks, and rocks don’t get massive erections.
Or if they do, I would be very scared and would want to kill myself.
Anyway, so my grey and gigantic body almost moved by itself when hearing that voice. I somehow managed to stop what appeared like a millimeter away from her, avoiding crushing her completely (though in reality the distance between us would have probably fit a few more people but I was too fucking huge to actually know).
The girl spoke again with that very strangely seducing and arousing voice of hers.
“Come, on, Onyx, you know what come snow!”
And then my mind lost the control of “my” – whoever it actually belonged to I didn’t know – body.
By reflex, my body sunk into the earth below.
Immediately, the girl jumped on top of me.
She started rubbing against my body. Why? Don’t ask. How did I feel it if I was a buncha rocks magically joined between them? DO YOU THINK I KNOW, FUCKER?!?!?!
It felt so great.
I HAD SOLVED PLEASURE.
NO BETTER FEELING COULD EVER COME.
AHHH, I’VE NEVER FELT SO SEXUALLY SATISFIED IN MY LIFE.
AH, THE PLEASURE, THE PAIN, THE DREAD, THE AGONY…
I woke up again (it’s been like what, eleven fucking times now?). I was exactly where I had been at the beginning of the day. Exactly where I had woken up, no memories in me at all.
Everything was equal to what it had been. The only difference was, there was one less pill in the cardboard box I had them in.