Chapter 6:

The Last Guy

The Ringworld Hero


As I was escorted away from the chambers of the Princess, I clutched my face.
"I am so sorry for this, good sir. She's not usually like this." Gertrude was fretting over me. 
I pulled my hand down, revealing that nothing had actually been done. "It's fine. It was more surprising than painful. Gertrude, was it?"
She nodded as she walked next to me, hitching up her dress so it didn't trip her as she tried to keep pace. "Yes sir."
"So are you just a regular maid around here or are you a handmaid or what? What's the story here?"
"I am just the handmaiden of the Princess, of no importance whatsoever." She stared at me with those big eyes, the lights in the corridor reflecting in the lenses of her glasses.
"So, you've known her for a long time?"
She nodded vigorously, letting go of her dress to push her glasses further up her nose. "I've known her since she was thirteen and I was but an apprentice to my mother. They gave me the task of tending to the Princess and it has been my duty ever since."
It wasn't a remarkable story, but it made some sense. Was a bit annoying to have to look down to talk, but she was kind of cute. 
Leading me around a corner, we stopped in front of another door, similar but of different design to Leena’s. As I reached for the door handle, I felt the dust between my finger. 
Carefully pushing the door open whilst wiping my hand on the arse of my new pants, I headed inside. There was a decent size room with a pair of more ornate doors In front and another crude wooden one tucked away in the corner. Making a mental note of the second door, I headed in through the main doors.
And proceeded to be choked by the dust.
"Fucking hell, when was the last time this bloody joint was cleaned?"
Gertrude hung back out of range of the dust. "If the stories are accurate, at least two-hundred years."
Now that I got a better look at the room, it didn't seem too bad. There was a pair of couches with a low table in the center of the room, a fireplace off to one side, multiple walls with bookshelves and what appeared to be a liquor cabinet in the corner. A spiral staircase near the outer wall led to an upper area.
"This isn't actually that bad. Could use a clean, but I'm sure there's some staff around here who can do that."
I made my way over to the spiral staircase and headed up. The tight spiral was a little disorienting, but I got to the top with little issue. Up top was a large four-poster bed, a decent sized wardrobe, a wash basin, another bookshelf, and a few assorted chests and tables. 
Striding over, I decided to see what was in the wardrobe.
"Whatcha got?"
I slowly opened the door.
"Old tunic... 
fancy clothes…
Borat costume…
slutty dress… Wait!"
I pulled the dress out of the wardrobe to examine it closer. It was far too showy for the type of place this was. Even on the Princess this'd be scandalous, and her hatred of pants seemed evident.
Gertrude came rushing up."Are you oka- IEEE?"
I stood there awkwardly, holding the dress on the coat hanger with the edge draped over my other forearm.
"Strange find eh?"
She nodded."I-I believe it might have belonged to the last Arbiter’s wife…" 
I smirked and tossed the dress in her general direction. She scrambled to grab it out of the air, the upper portion landing on her head.
"Wanna have some fun?" I quipped with a smirk as she scrambled to pull the dress off her face, slightly messing up the neat bun her hair was done up in.
"What are you referring to?" She asked, half confused with what I thought was a slight hint of fear in her voice.
I jerked a thumb toward a wooden dividing screen near a corner of the room. "Let's play dress up for shits and giggles."
She tried to protest, nervously half stumbling over with the dress held out in her arms "B-b-but I can't wear this! I'm just a maidservant and this belonged to a noblewoman!"
Gertrude accidentally trod on the end of the dress in her flailing panic, spilling forward with arms outstretched. 
The world seemed to slow down as it happened. With a casual sidestep, I moved out of the way and scooped her into my arms, her back draped over my forearm like a dancer. We stood there for what seemed like an eternity, lost in each other's gaze…
Gertrude snapped back to reality and immediately backed off. "Th-th tank you good sir."
I tried to hide my embarrassment, but it seems like it didn't work. Fortunately the feeling seemed to be mutual. 
"N-no worries." I sighed in relief, half glad the situation was over and half wanting to bring it back.
"And you can drop all that formal crap. Just call me Danny, same as everyone else."
Gertrude seemed to be rather confused, the shock mixing and rippling unevenly over her face. After about a second, she seemed to resign herself and huffed in defeat. "Yes sir."
I rolled my eyes and smirked at her. 
"So, you wanna have some fun with this?" 
She looked nervous but nodded, taking the dress and walking behind the wooden partition. I heard the rumbling of thick cloth before seeing her maid dress thrown over the privacy screen.
I stuck my head back into the closet and dug for more interesting outfits. Spotting a summer dress with a straw hat, I pulled it out and casually tossed it towards the bed; the straw hat landing atop the still smooth but dusty sheets, the dress billowing on top of it as the still air caught in its billowy fabric.
Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a movement near the privacy screen. Pulling my head out of the cupboard, I saw Gertrude step out into view. The dress was dark blue and low cut, with thin straps that held up the low and exposing neckline, slit down the side all the way up the thigh. Her servants hairdo and large glasses clashing with the seductive dress, but her body filled it out extremely well.
And her boobs were a lot bigger than I thought they were. Probably even bigger than Leena’s.
"So, how do I look?" She asked timidly, hands clasped in front of her stomach to stop the shaking. I tenderly grasped both of her shoulders and took a deep gaze into her big eyes. "You look absolutely stunning my dear."
She turned bright red, but couldn't break eye contact. I slowly brought my face towards hers and waited for the inevitable.
"HEY! YOU BETTER NOT BE DOING WHAT I THINK YOU'RE DOING!"
Screamed an easily recognised voice from the bottom of the stairs.
I paused before backing off. "I think you should go. You can keep the dress if you like."
Gertrude blushed and nodded, scooping up her maid dress and quickly dashing down the stairs as I heard stomping on the wood planks of the staircase.
"What. The hell. Are you doing?" She shouted angry, punctuating each chunk with a sudden stop.
"I'm just looking around at my new room and having some innocent fun." I replied innocently.
Leena pointed at the summer dress on the bed. "Then what is that on the bed?"
I stared blankly at her angry and flustered face. "A dress. I found it in the cupboard."
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"Why was Gertrude wearing that other dress instead of her uniform?" She snapped.Bookmark here

I gulped, breaking my deadpan tone to show actual fear, though it was unwillingly. "Another dress I found. She liked it, so I let her keep it."Bookmark here

Leena couldn't come up with a rebuttal, simply stomping over to the top of the stairs before turning on her heels and stomping back to the bed and scooping up the summer dress.Bookmark here

"I'm keeping this."
She stomped off. A minute later the large entrance door closed with a loud thud.
I was alone again.
With an annoyed sigh, I walked back down the spiral stairs, running my hand along the wrought-iron railing that held the solid wood stairs in place. 
'I could get used to this.'
Heading through the main doors, I remembered the side door and headed toward it. The hallway was a bit narrow, but I got through and found myself in a small but cosy room.
There were two beds with cupboards and a wardrobe built as part of the frame and attached to the wall. The doorless wardrobe held several dusty dresses that looked like maids uniforms.
Grabbing the one that looked like the regular uniform, I took it out and examined it. The outfit was similar to the ones that the regular maidstaff wore, but the apron started halfway down the breasts, with the neckline exposing a lot of chest. The dress ended a lot shorter, ending up more like a miniskirt. It's sleeves only just went past the shoulders, and all the edges were lined with blue lace inlaid with golden thread; the royal crest was embroidered with the same thread on the main part of the apron where it would be in front of the skirt instead of on the chest.
"Maybe the last guy wasn't all that bad…"
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