Chapter 7:

Tuesday Part 7

Jolly Good, My Dear Jimothy-Kun

- If we were characters in a shounen what kind would we be?Bookmark here

- What kind?Bookmark here

Jimothy-kun turns to me, the both of us slouched back on a couch. The open air of the room surges a frosty cold over me. Bookmark here

- Yes, like protagonists or rivals for example.Bookmark here

- Rivals would be likely.Bookmark here

- I think side characters may be likelier.Bookmark here

- Likelier? He asks. Is that a word?Bookmark here

- As the English teacher of the room, yes.Bookmark here

- It would be funny if you were wrong.Bookmark here

- Get a dictionary and check then.Bookmark here

He stands up.Bookmark here

- I was joking, I cry, surely you trust me, do you not?Bookmark here

- As much as a weasel in a haystack.Bookmark here

- And that makes sense how, may I ask?Bookmark here

- The haystack weasel has quite a number of senses. Jimothy-kun walks backwards to his bookshelf. Like Nen.Bookmark here

- The weasel learned Nen?!Bookmark here

- Mastered it.Bookmark here

- Oh, no! I scream like Joseph Joestar.Bookmark here

Following his finger across a row of books, Jimothy-kun scours the colourful assortment held within the shelves.Bookmark here

- Quick, Jimothy-kun! The definitive article of a literary dinosaur!Bookmark here

- Huh?Bookmark here

- Thesaurus!Bookmark here

A deep sigh comes from my friend.Bookmark here

- James, give me an antonym of calmBookmark here

- Agitated.Bookmark here

- Another one.Bookmark here

- Furious.Bookmark here

- That one.Bookmark here

- I can practically see the cross-shaped vein on your forehead. What’s next a tsundere’s scoff?Bookmark here

- If you’re not careful, I’ll hit you like a tsundere too.Bookmark here

- Frightening.Bookmark here

- Give me a synonym of frightening.Bookmark here

- Monogatari fans.Bookmark here

- In that case, what do you call a Monogatari fan’s bible?Bookmark here

I stop to think.Bookmark here

Religion. Bookmark here

Jin. Person. Bookmark here

Reli. Rel—ish.Bookmark here

Relish person.Bookmark here

A relished person. Bookmark here

- Senjyougahara!Bookmark here

- Where did you get that from?Bookmark here

I fall over. Metaphorically.Bookmark here

- I—well, hm. I scratch my nose. Good point.Bookmark here

- Do you want the answer?Bookmark here

- No, I have this one.Bookmark here

- Do you?Bookmark here

- No.Bookmark here

Jimothy-kun slides back and spins. So, no—like the Joestar guardian angel in the first opening—chi no…Bookmark here

- And the answer was: the light novels! He pulls a volume of Monogatari out from the bookshelf.Bookmark here

…sad: a me.Bookmark here

I think of a witty response but come out short; Jimothy-kun speaks instead.Bookmark here

- That was an excuse to make that joke, I noticed an opening and went for it. I don’t own a dictionary. He bows. I’m sorry.Bookmark here

- No, no I’m the one who should be apologising. Sweat pours from my face as I bow repeatedly.Bookmark here

- Well, I mean it’s not like I’m to forgive you or anything.Bookmark here

- Sumimasen and excuse me masen.Bookmark here

- More wordplay? That arc already ended.Bookmark here

- Well, Jimothy-kun, the wordplay arc never actually concluded if you remember rightly.Bookmark here

- Well, James, it seems you followed the incorrect canon; you would have known if you read the manga.Bookmark here

- I read the light novel. I cross my legs. Brilliant novel—a tad misleading but a brilliant novel, nonetheless.Bookmark here

- Misleading?Bookmark here

- Yes, the light novel was very weighty—I think I was shipped the wrong adjective.Bookmark here

Jimothy’s face prepares for impact. It slaps right into his hands. Bookmark here

He rolls around his cushion in despair for a few seconds before I pull him out, our eyes close and level.Bookmark here

- Are you crying?Bookmark here

- N-no.Bookmark here

- Really?Bookmark here

- Just moved by your incredible joke.Bookmark here

- It was incredible; I shall give you that.Bookmark here

- Well, really I just got something in my eye.Bookmark here

I sniffle my nose.Bookmark here

- Religion?Bookmark here

- No.Bookmark here

I sneeze.Bookmark here

- Bless you.Bookmark here

- Amen.Bookmark here

- Wait a second.Bookmark here

Yotsugi tilts their head quizzically and opens their mouth.Bookmark here

- Didn’t you get offended, they look at their watch, half an hour ago when I made a religious joke?Bookmark here

- One: joking about demons being good-natured is different than joking about a blessing. I say in command. Two: if this were an anime you would have triggered a flashback.Bookmark here

I cross my arms and close my eyes. Jimothy-kun triggers thoughts to surround me, taking myself back to when I was but a small child on the playground.Bookmark here

The quiet girl of the class was there alone, dressed warmly—coat, mittens and all. With a series of kidnappings having circled the news back then—I now feel the need to protect them. However, thinking back on that, I may end up as the protagonist of a poorly concluded, time travel anime. Perhaps I shall have that thought be erased.Bookmark here

Instead, I redirect my deep thoughts to what my other eight commandments will be.Bookmark here

- And three?Bookmark here

- Hold on, still thinking.Bookmark here

- What do you mean thinking? Asks Jimothy-kun, moaning at me.Bookmark here

- Oh, did I say that aloud?Bookmark here

- Clear as day.Bookmark here

- Ah, what a travesty.Bookmark here

- Yaaay—peace, peace. Says Yotsugi.Bookmark here

- Quit saying that with a posed look.Bookmark here

- Yaay, yaay.Bookmark here

I push Jimothy-kun aside, politely. Not impolitely, my dear etiquette. No siree! Jonathon Joestar is a classy gentleman; I hope to follow in his footsteps. Thank you very much fate-sama, thank you very much indeed. Bookmark here

Sarcasm of course. Me, listen to fate? Bah, never. Take that Saber and your silly, non-sabre Excalibur. En Garde!Bookmark here

- You done posing there James?Bookmark here

- No, I have but a few more to do before I am done.Bookmark here

- I recommend Jonathon’s pose—it suits you well.Bookmark here

- Ah, what a tasteful opinion.Bookmark here

- A good British gentleman’s a good British gentleman after all.Bookmark here

- What type of logic is that?Bookmark here

- The archer class really is made up of archers.Bookmark here

- Ah, understandable.Bookmark here

- Jolly good, is it not? Asks Jimothy-kun.Bookmark here

- Absolutely mint.Bookmark here

- Gravy.Bookmark here

- Sound.Bookmark here

- What does gravy sound like? He asks.Bookmark here

- Meat.Bookmark here

- Meet who?Bookmark here

- Me.Bookmark here

- Not heard that name before.Bookmark here

- Yes, you have—and not that long ago to boot.Bookmark here

- Goodness me.Bookmark here

- Yes, that is me.Bookmark here

- No, you’re James.Bookmark here

- What if I was an imposter?Bookmark here

Jimothy-kun’s eyes widen.Bookmark here

- Wait, doesn’t that mean you’re…Bookmark here

- I’m?Bookmark here

- Sus—Bookmark here

- No.Bookmark here

Jimothy-kun frowns in response, looking defeated.Bookmark here

- Anyways.Bookmark here

- Yes, anyways.Bookmark here

- Any ideas what to talk about?Bookmark here

- Hm…Bookmark here

Awaiting an answer, I slouch further back into the couch. Jimothy-kun looks up at the ceiling and points up in eureka.Bookmark here

- Oh, I know, how are your parents?Bookmark here

- They seem well. I tell him. Bookmark here

- Seem?Bookmark here

Only heard from them recently—after a good while of not talking that is. Not helpful that they only called me to say they were flying to America today. Bookmark here

- Oh.Bookmark here

- Other than that, all is well.Bookmark here

- Well, either way, hope they fly safe.Bookmark here

- Thanks.Bookmark here

- So long as Joseph Joestar isn’t flying, it’ll be fine.Bookmark here

- …Bookmark here

- Sorry.Bookmark here

- Jimothy.Bookmark here

- Yes?Bookmark here

- How would you like it if said that about your parents.Bookmark here

- Afraid you wouldn’t be able to.Bookmark here

- Well, why not?Bookmark here

- Died some time ago.Bookmark here

- Oh…sorry, I did not mean to—Bookmark here

- I’ve pretty much gotten over it now, it’s fine.Bookmark here

- How about we move onto a lighter topic, would that help?Bookmark here

- Seriously, it’s fine; don’t worry about it. He pats my shoulder. How about we put a bit of tele on instead, or something?Bookmark here

- Is there anything on?Bookmark here

- Could check—the remote is right there.Bookmark here

- Alrighty.Bookmark here

With a click, the tele switches on. I sift through the channels, watching for anything to catch my interest. Bookmark here

The news channel pops up. Bookmark here

Politics, soon at 4:30; a weather report to be given before details on a murder at 8. Not the best mood-lightener. Some more politics also to be discussed later—not that they state when later actually is—and then someone starts talking about religion. I change the channel, yawning. Jimothy-kun scratches his right arm. He blinks. I blink. I scratch my nose. I shiver, yet the room is warm. What else is on?Bookmark here

Cooking show, game show—random movie I have never heard about. Nothing on. A classic conundrum.Bookmark here

- Now what? I ask.Bookmark here

- What was the saying—1000 channels, yet nothing to watch?Bookmark here

- How true that is Jimothy-kun.Bookmark here

- A classic, eh James?Bookmark here

- Just what I was thinking.Bookmark here

- Two great minds think alike.Bookmark here

I sneeze and so does Jimothy-kun. A simultaneous sneeze. Great minds think alike indeed.Bookmark here

You can resume reading from this paragraph.