Love and Delusion
What is the statistical average chance of me being rejected by the campus prince?
I sat down on a chair in front of me is my laptop. I was doing a research paper to bring together different views, evidence, and facts about a certain guy in my interest and I want it to then interpret the information with my own writing.
Alone in the literature club classroom encoding down peacefully as the sun was about to set down and for the president to be at ease. I decided to do all the paper works for her. As usual
But that’s not the real case.
I stared to type down on the keyboard answering the following questions
"Many factors are in play when it comes to accepting or rejecting an invitation for a date. "1. How desirable do you look??" "I paused and looked for possible answer
"oh my. How do i put this on words??"i scratched my cheeks gently "oum i do consider myself beautiful....i sigh, I don’t think this is desirable at cecilons standard
2. Is this person even available for romance? Is the interaction taking place under circumstances where it is appropriate to ask someone out? And do the clothes, demeanor, voice, scent, manner or speech, estimated social status, and style of approach suit the subject or repel him?"i sigh as I took my laptop from the table and carried it with me as i walked took a sit on the window sill
“The details to this question ask is a woman would accept 4/5 men or if it would be more like 1/5, but i need to add some zeros on the outside of both numbers for those suggestions to be anywhere near realistic, I’ve invariably discovered With that misconception in mind, it makes sense why men would have such unrealistic ideas about the odds of rejection."
i laugh a bit. I felt stupid talking to myself
"if i decided to ask cecilion out, i have to consider so many little things about both his and to myself – consciously and subconsciously – before i make a decision. I shook my head as one side of my lips rose up, creating a smirk.
"This makes it all but impossible to gather meaningful data, and what i do have isn’t very useful on an individual basis. One thing that I can say with a great degree of accuracy is that women are a lot more likely to be rejected by a man than they would think."
I could just ask euphimia about this but she might rise suspicion and ah this is pure absurdity but if can get through the school network I can get to access from it through browsing from my laptop and I can manage to gather all the student information profiles and look for cecilions file to get to-Contact him-Through phone number or email perhaps"
Because i decided I’m going to confess to my crush''
And I’m going to do it today “I smiled smugly “through text “I proudly said as i fixed my glasses and took my phone out from my pocket to email him
It’s now or never
Subject: re re
i know I’m being a wuss but i always freak out when i try to tell you this in person so let me say it in text
i like you
i was about to hit the send button but argh I ruffled my hair”so embarrassing ''i said to myself as ruffled my hair and get down from the window still to get to back the swivel chair open with my fold laptop and i sat down on it deleting my text and wrote once again
Subject: re re
'Are you busy?'
"this is a very stupid way to open a conversation “I whispered to myself as i freak out “oh noh what if cicilion will wondered where i got his email address”i panicked- stared at my phone screen waiting for his response
Subject: re re
Is this Lesley? I do remember you but where did you get my email address?
I'm not doing anything and you??
''I'm nervous “I whispered as I started feeling nervous and covered with sweat. It's not like he like replying at me and I was feeling embarrassed but he is not at all paying any attention towards me base on his cold replies
Subject: re re
I’m not a big deal but you seems surprisingly popular with girls. But you don’t have a girlfriend, why's that? Are you gay??
After i sent the message I let out a sigh...this is very embarrassing "i should confess now.....but in a text?"I said as I shook my head “but when am i going to do it if not now?"
What if he rejects me though?"i said as i looked out"dammit tell him"
Subject: re re
I’m sorry please go out with me
i don't care if you reject me just please don't hate me
subject: re re
Is that so??well,Can you wait for me in the classroom? Who know people who confess their love through text? I think it's pretty shitty
My hands tremble as i saw my text i send to cecillon
Shit i accidently send it! No wonder why it took so long for him to respond “oh no oh no what should i do?"i stared at the classroom door when i heard a knock
i marched and stared at the door knob not knowing what to do when the knob twisted I scratched my head in frustration and heard the class door opening. I looked up to see a person standing in front of me
Born with natural charisma, cecilion had always been popular. With an approachable aura, a striking appearance, and a charming personality
With his long blonde and black hair into pigtail braids as well as his sweet scent...i know it was him
"Yeah... cecilion. Why?" i looked down again and smiled bitterly “he never failed to show up “I thought to myself as i noticed Sweats tickled from his forehead while catching his rapid breath
”did you came running all the way to here?"i worriedly asked but he just responded me with a smile
''what’s the matter Lesley?"cecilion asked confusedly “is there a problem
"People are selfish don't you think. They want the people they care about to only see the best side of themselves in most case though...but i guess you can be the best at anything and i do think you are perfect enough and i like you''
"'oh no i said it''i thought to myself and i looked down .i don't want to see his reaction but i decided to finish it once and for all and calmed myself
There’s no turning back
''I like you so much you're such an amazing person i could not help but to admire you and i would love you to be more comfortable with me but im such a potato and not miss perfect “
Oh no.i stuttered.
He look at me confusedly
I breathe in heavily and stared straight into his eyes “I want to improve myself so i can support you through and I want you to see the best side of myself"I said loudly in embarrassment "Even if you see I’m in the way.i want to be next to you before you"
ciciolin smiled at me’‘the way you confess were like a scene from a fairytale in a novel. Written by best authors out there.no wonder why euphemia is fond of you. You.... living your life like a fictional character from a book confessing your love. Like a scene in a dream however....''his eyes darkened
"Lesley...i know it’s not easy for you to confess but I already like someone else" My body ran cold my eyes wide open staring open blankly at the floor, everything was silent there was no sounds in classroom even outside the hallways
"Since the day i saw her i don’t really care much about her however she did something i didn’t expected ...just by telling me how beautiful i was with her genuine words...i could not help but to fall inlove with her"
"She’s such a straight forward person who is not afraid to say what’s on her mind she always put other before herself and not afraid to stand on what is right
''That silver cross that was shouldered for me… this world forced me to carry as I travel my own path...it was her music that lead me to light"
"Are you rejecting me?" I ask, whispering as my heart was breaking into a million pieces. I smiled bitterly hearing those words from him “This is so embarrassing “I made a fake laugh and smiled at him but i felt the tears building up in my eyes.
"No." he answered "Being rejected is one of the most painful feelings that someone could go through “he slowly step close to me as i felt arms wrapped around me. I opened my... ...He slowly wrapped his arms around my waist hugging on to my tightly
"I’m sorry that i am emotionally unstable and take things too seriously but i cant love you... ''he said in a very soft and calming voice'''I’m sorry i made you feel that way ...it hurt me more seeing you cry like that that “he whispered into my ear trying to calm me down as i buried my face on his shoulder and hug him back
Knowing those words, were all lies......
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