0.9. OP Fake Elf

“Is the taste alright? Do you think the flavor needs more salt?”

“It’s good.”

I don’t think it needs anything more. The balance is just right.
“Right.”

She quickly dropped the impromptu ramen noodles into a bowl before filling it with the broth made from seaweed, soy sauce, mirin and some other ingredients I couldn’t really make out. The noodles were simply store ready ramen noodles.

After that she arranged the char siew meat, boiled eggs and dried seaweed on top. A little garnish of diced green onions and it’s done.

“Help me put it on the table.”

“Right.”
She began to clean the kitchen counter.

This smells so good.

“Thank you for the food,” clasping her hands together, she said simply.
“I’m I supposed to do that too?”
“Not really. I’m just doing it for the sake of it. Just eat.”

Pointing her chopstick at my bowl, she began to work on her bowl.
This is really an odd girl.

She’s beautiful at least.

Slurp. Slurp.

She can read my thoughts and doesn’t even respond huh? Must have the fortitude of some sage.

How about thinking something inappropriate, would that affect her?

Slurp. Slurp.

Nothing. She didn’t even flinch.

Hello? Bleu?

“What is it?”

Okay. So she actually heard it. What’s up with the impassive look?
“I blocked out parts of your thoughts. Don’t worry about it.”

“That’s not what I’m concerned about..”

I picked up the water and gulped some down.

“Hey. Bleu. Can you tell me more about yourself?”

“I assume that you’ve made your decision?”

“I can’t fight a God right?”

“Who knows.”

What? You mean I can?

She placed her chopsticks aside and sat facing my squarely. Placing a fist to her heart, she declared.

“I, Bleu shall serve as your guardian to the end of this life.”
“Did you need to act so dramat..”

An unusual crown appeared on top of her head. Whitish blue with a red outline.

A crown is something only us demons, or angels can see. Depending on the colour and glow of the crown, you can judge if that person is from the angel’s faction or the demon faction. In Bleu’s case, the whitish blue crystal represents her affiliation with the angels, but the red glow is something that should only be seen in demon crowns..

What even is this combo? I’ve never seen it before.

“That’s done.”
While I was still stupified by what I’m seeing. Bleu nonchalantly returned to slurping her noodles.

I’m beginning to believe that this person is actually a God. No way on earth can you become an angel-cum-demon just by ‘willing’ it.

“You wanted to know about me right? What specifically?”
“You just turned yourself into an angel?”

“Yup.”
“...”

“What else?”
“Can you tell me about your objective? Why I’m I needed? There’s a lot of other people who are better fighters than I am.”
Bleu shook her head.

“You specifically, because it’s the least suspicious.”

“What do you mean?”
“Hm.. I don’t know if you would understand if I explained my objective.. forget it. Something else.”

Man. Why do all the girls I meet try to act flat and boring?

…

See. No reaction.

===

Tak. Tak. Tak.

Click.

“Hm.. no errors.”

Click. Click.

I submitted the files to my second boss via email.

It’s been a week since Bleu’s arrival. Not much has happened during that period except that she’s been translating the grimoire during her free time.

As expected of a God. She completed the entire book and sent the translated version to me as a PDF file (even though I’ve only told her to focus on the information regarding memory preservation).

To my delight, there is a way to preserve your memories.

To my horror, it requires rare materials from both the demon realm and angel realm. Which means I need to visit both of those places sometime in the future to carry out the plans.

Anyways, there’s no rush.

Having been with her for this short period, I realized that Bleu harbors absolutely no feelings for me whatsoever. A motherly figure yes, incredibly reserved and calm in everything she does. Depending on who it is, they might even call her insensitive.

You’d naturally think that if you’re the target of a God, you must have some charm or something that got her attracted to you in the first place right? ← Narcissist.

Anyhow. She still sleeps in the sleeping bag no matter how I prod her, saying that we can sleep on the same bed. I’ll just take the edge.

I must be stupid to think of such an idea. Bad Avner. Pedophile.

“It’s 5. Well, better go.”
“You’re leaving already?”

Kouhai from the opposite side asked.

“Yeah.”

“You’ve been leaving a lot earlier lately.”

“Well, my mom is waiting back at home so..”
“Your mom is staying at your place?”
“Something like that.”

I’m pretty sure Bleu knows about how I call her ‘mom’ as an excuse to slip away from unnecessary trouble.

It sounds funny– but of course, the boring God can’t be fazed. I could even call her an ancient grandma and she wouldn’t even care. Her indifference is really something to behold.

I guess that’s one of the more obvious differences between her and Pu’er. Shouldn’t try to lump the two together.
“Then I won’t bother you so much then.. I kind of miss having to eat out together.”
“Hm..”

I took out my phone and texted Bleu.
[“Bleu, have you cooked dinner?”]

[“Not yet.”]

[“Then you don’t need to make my share tonight.”]

[“Why? Out eating with your colleague?”]

[“Yeah.”]

[“Right. Then is it alright if I joined too? I’m feeling reluctant to cook if it’s just for myself.”]

“...”

This God is more human than I thought.

“Mister Avner?”

“Lianne, forget what I said. Let’s go out to eat. I’ll go pick up mom on the way..”

I didn’t miss how Pu’er was looking my way.

===

“I’m Bleu. Nice to meet you.”

“...”

“...”

This is hella awkward.

I’m in the driver seat, kouhai was sitting beside me, mom at the back.. I mean, aei (elf parent) is at the back.

We finally came to a stop at our usual. The three of us hopped off.

Before I could walk around my car to leave for the restaurant, kouhai blocked me and gave me a sharp glare.

“Who is that?”

How should I even explain this..

“Just someone..”
“That’s definitely not your mom. Is this why you’ve been going back early?”

Is kouhai jealous?

Wait, why would she be jealous?
I noticed Bleu standing a little ways away from us, looking around the night city without care for what is going on between me and kouhai.

“I swear she isn’t..”

“Xe’s clearly an elf!”

That’s what I don’t get. Why did Bleu’s ears grow long all of a sudden?

Having to placate my kouhai, we eventually went into the restaurant.

Surprisingly, Bleu had her–hirs own money and opted to pay for our meal.

Of course, as a man I couldn’t allow that.

Kouhai forced hirs way to sit beside me, all pouty and fuming.

“Lianne Swartz.”
“Bleu.”

Xe sharpened hirs eyes.

“What is your relationship with Mister Avner?”

“I’m his guardian.”

It was painful to sit between these two elves.. though I’m pretty sure one of them shouldn’t be an elf to begin with!

“It seems there has been a misunderstanding.”

“What misunderstanding?”

Bleu then reached over to hir ear and..

Tore off her ear, blood began to pour.

Kouhai squealed and quickly hugged my arm– oh gosh, flat chest– wait no. What did I just see?!

“This is fake,” Bleu showed the accessories to us, wiping the red liquid using a tissue.

“F-Fake?”
“It’s fake.”

Bleu then hung the fake ears back on, wiggling it around a bit. It looks like the real thing though? Even the red liquid which I thought was blood smells like iron..
“Kouhai..”

“Huh? Ah?! S-s-sorry!”

Xe quickly released my arms.
“It’s alright..”
“W-why do you need to wear a fake ear like that?”

Bleu’s ear wiggled again, she placed a finger to her chin.

“For convenience.”
“Hah?”

Our food arrived before we could continue any further. Hungry as Lianne was, xe began to down hirs plate of burger and fries. I thanked the demon waiter.

Bleu ordered curry rice cutlets, and I got the ramen on promotion today.

“If Pu’er found out that I’ve been living with Avner, it’ll cause a lot of trouble.”

Bleu said all of a sudden.

“A-ah? So that’s why?” Kouhai blurted dumbly.

“I just didn’t think you’d be the one to kick up a fuss.”

“S-sorry.. I didn’t know that.. still. Who are you? What do you mean by Mister Avner’s guardian? Are there ‘mommy’ rental services nowadays?”
I spat out my noodles and began coughing vehemently.

Bleu quickly passed me a tissue, kouhai began panicking.

Mommy rental services? You seriously just called a God sugar mommy. My gosh kouhai, if Bleu wasn’t so benevolent, I think ostracizing you to the depths of the netherworld wouldn’t be enough to placate her!

“Sorry! Sorry!”

My cough began to settle, with eyes still tearing, I turned to kouhai.

“Apologize to her.”
“A-Ah.. I’m sorry Bleu.”
“Don’t mind it..”
“Sorry about that, Bleu.”

“Compared to the ceaseless vilification I faced once being the monarch, this is...”

What is that even supposed to mean?
“Slip of the tongue. Don’t think too much about it.”
You think I wouldn’t?!