HANA TO YUME
I, am Yume Maria. Studying in the 11th grade of a well-known highschool in this big city. But currently, I'm very confuse. To be honest, I don't remember any single moment of my life when I wasn't confuse. Confuse of how to see people and how they see me. I want to enjoy this life but also be better than I am now. I want to fill other's expectations from me but also fill my own expectations. I want to be happy but perfect. Sometimes, I enjoy this life. Then I mess up everything and be imperfect. But when I try to be perfect, I ruin the happiness and make myself a salve to reality.
In the era of internet, I researched a lot about this problem. But what I found was 'no reason why' and 'zero solution'. Currently I'm suffering from a lot of 'teenage problems'. But this is a lifetime one. Which might haven't been started yet.
I want to fill my dreams, like flowers. Flowers are shiny and soft. They are beautiful and nobody has any complain against them. Except some idiots.
I want to walk on the soft path. But reality is cruel. So we have to sacrifice our dreams and work hard for a better future. I am saying this because MY DREAMS ARE ON ART. It's very difficult for me to fulfil it.
Why? For what reason? Maybe there is no reason for this. But my 'teenage mind that has to think weirdly' finds a lot of problems. And that is saved for later.
While thinking about what to do, time has left my side. Now the most fearing fact is that Louis kanzaki, one of the best students of my school. He is in the same class as me.
What's the problem? He is good looking, intelligent, well behaved and everyone likes him. Even the teachers. On the other hand, I and all the people have never found myself good looking. Maybe I'm kinda intelligent, but I still have ninety percent doubt about it. Though the teachers also like me, my behaviour is much more speedy than my mood swings.
He is an all-arounder and I've only my studying quality with me. And he is also trying to steal that number one place. As I am also a good and top student, this is going to be a war.
I, myself is a very good student. Everyone says I am a person of pure heart. My teachers say I am dutiful and fill my duties. My younger sister says I am very naive and fool. My friends say I am friendly and trustworthy. But I truly think, I am an idiot and lazy. And it feels really good to praise myself.
I have been selected for the role of the class representative. So, on a very fine day of this new semester, I never have thought to meet someone very special. He, who will change my view someday.
He is my another classmate, who rarely comes to school. Our dearest homeroom teacher has told me to tell him that he needs to come to school. And so I am now standing before his house. This place, where the story of my dream, shall begin.
I have reached his home at about 3 or 3.30 pm. His house is like any other normal house with one story that we can see in Tokyo. The boundary wall is painted with elegant whitish silver. A red mouthed mailbox is attached with it. The reddish brown wooden gate is closing the view of inside.
I push the gate to go inside. The yellowish road leads to the elegantly designed brown wooden door. The walls of this house is painted with charming white.
I look around and my eyes become surprise to see something I should have seen earlier. Their garden is filled with flowers, white roses and red tulips. In between the white roses there are some red tulips to increase the charm. There are some big plants against the boundary. There leaves are beautifully different.
My heart gets lighted to see this. For some reason, I want to stay here and watch this for the rest of my life. But somehow I manage to get myself out of this daydream and move towards the door.
I press the golden doorbell. I wait there for sometime. No one comes out. I ring the bell again but no one comes to answer it. I think I should go for now.
Suddenly I hear a voice from behind, "Too afraid to move forward?"
I turn back and see a black haired boy looking at me weirdly with his deep black eyes. He has a smirk on his face. His dress is much weirder than his look. Though, the blue shirt really suits him.
His face seems to be known to me. But I can't remember anyone like him. After pressuring my head for a while, I decide to use my common sense.
"Are you Ishida?", I ask trying to understand his motive or movement.
"Yes", he smilingly says. He comes a litter closer to me, "But you shouldn't move back."
He makes a very sympathetic look, "I know sometimes, we have problems to face. Sometimes we find ourselves hopeless, helpless. And get stuck into confusion and frustration. Sometimes, we don't want to face it. Sometimes, we want to run away or disappear."
I don't know what's he saying. I'm speechless, surprised. Seeing an unknown freak saying something like this out of the blue.
He smiles seeing my surprised face, "But we can't run away from them or else...."
He stops with a smirk on his face. I am so anxious to know that 'or else' for some unknown reason.
I ask with hesitation, "Or else what?"
He comes too close to me, "Or else," he brings his face closer to mine, "They will run after you."
I don't know the reason but my heart stops beating for a while. But it feels really light. Like some lights have started to glow in me. Like I feel something similar to me. Like I have wanted something but never knew what. And suddenly I find that thing in something else. It really feels so happy and I really want to jump.
But I somehow control myself and bring all my energy to say, "The teacher wants you to come to school."
He frowns at me, thinking something very serious. He then pushes me against the door and again brings his face closer to me. With a tricky smile he says, "I really don't want to be at school in the enjoyable time of the morning."
"What?" My surprised mind can only utter that word after hearing something like this. But I've seriously wanted to say, "What the hell! Who do you think you are? What do you think of your self?" And then, hit him two or three times. Or just start to kick him. But respecting my manners and being aware of his mental situation, I somehow try to control myself.
"Since you are the first unknown person I have met today", he steps back a little, "So I am going to tell you a secret. I don't like the faces of the people at school."
I am now more than surprise. I frown at him, "You are running away from your problems."
He looks at my eyes smilingly, "It doesn't matter, when you want to fill your dreams."
I don't understand what is he saying. Maybe he is practising his passion or something like that. Or maybe he has to do a big degree on something. My mind can't think better than this.
He innocently smiles bringing his face too much close to my mine. He softly whispers in my, "You are too afraid to move forward, aren't you? So your running away from your dreams. You also have dreams, of being an artist."
"HOW DO YOU KNOW!" I shout at him. Being surprised, I step back. I hold a shocking look on my face. A mixture of some fear and some surprise.
He also moves back and smiles at me, "I was just joking. Didn't know that you really want to be an artist."
I really want to go away from here. So, I try to pass him quickly.
"WAIT", he surprisingly grabs my hand. And all my reaction is to be surprised and frown at him with anger.
He smirks at me, "But still, if you want me to come to school, I might consider this case."
I surprisingly look at him, "It doesn't matter to me whether you come or not."
He makes a disappointed face. I free my hand from his. I smile at him, "Though, your house is beautiful, I don't want to come here everyday."
He suddenly takes my hand again and holds it gently, "I don't know how your face is, but I want to see it everyday."
I can't understand is it his smile or his words that has stopped my heartbeat. And I think, this shouldn't continue at all.
On my way home, I think about his words. Maybe he is right, I really am too afraid to move forward. I only think about what people would say if I say them I want to be an artist. I am afraid of their words, afraid of their views.
Though I know and understand that my life isn't consisted of their wishes and wants. But it's hard to accept it.
My life isn't a show that they came to see. No, my life is a show, a story, a film. But I don't need to write this story like that want. This is my story. And every writer has the right to make his story as he wants. That's why every book, manga, anime is an incomparable creation.
But, it's true that people copy others. Choose the road that is followed by all. Not the path he wants. Like little writers copy some big writers story. That's why they are little writers. But they can't even be called writers. They're just like a copy machine.
And there are people, who live as the society wants them to live. They just fill others demands. Before doing anything they think what people will say. They eat what others want him to eat, live where people say it's best to live, be what people think is respectable to be. Like you're building a house for yourself to live, but buying things that your neighbours need.
They do this, as this is easy for them. Easy because you don't need to think much. Because you don't need to face any questions, any challenges. And even if you do, you know the answers. You don't need to rebel if someone says you are wrong. You don't need to take risks, don't have the problem of things going all wrong. You have the logic why your life is right. You don't need to say that illogical line, "I'm just following my dream, my passion."
Though the world has advanced a lot. People have become very modern and have good mentality. People can do whatever they want. But, there are still many like me, facing this problem.
I always choose the easy way, the way people think is the hardest. I am walking on the way where everyone walks. I am too afraid to walk on my own way.
Thinking about these things, I already come to the most silent place where almost no body comes. It is very usual for me to go from here. It's actually the only way.
The street is very silent and clam. The cold evening air blows with a harsh noise. The sun is about to set. The yellowish orange road looks unusually beautiful.
As I walk further, I see a black shadow of a thick stick like figure, on the orange platform. I step forward out of curiosity. But my face becomes pale with the surprise I have got. My heart beats a lot harder, saying that the situation is wrong. And the only reaction that has come out of me is just frowning with a puzzled look.
TO BE CONTINUED..........