Chapter 18:

From Russia, With Loathe

Daigaku Kyuuai no Kuronikuru – College Courtship Chronicle

Chapter 18 – From Russia, With Loathe

It was an ordinary Friday evening. Maximilian Lovegood and Kuru Kuroni had finished all of their classes for the week and were now hanging out together in their shared dorm room. Now was the perfect time for Maxie to confess his feelings towards Kuru and prove once and for all that she feels the same way… Of course, you’re probably all familiar with this set up by now, so you know that something’s going to get in his way and--

“Hey, I’ve got something that I really have to confess…”

Well, uh, fuck me I guess. We’re finally just doing this, huh? …Or, at least, that’s how I would have reacted, expect for the fact that it wasn’t our friend Maxie who had just spoken. Turning his head away from some boring book about algebra, Maxie was greeted by a blushing Kuru.

“K-Kuroni?” he stammered. “Wh-what could you possibly have to c-confess to me?”

“M-Maximilian-sama,” she muttered, “I told you that you can call me ‘Kuru’, lol…”

Holy crap, this was the moment that he had been waiting for! Kuru was finally about to confess her love to him… not! She was actually preparing to tell him the worst-kept secret in all of fiction history – That she’s a freaking idiot. Kuru took a deep breath, placing her hand on her chest. “I’m…”

She paused, her embarrassed expression suddenly changing to one of worry, as she frantically patted her bosom with both hands. In an ideal world, a shinigami had just written her name in a notebook of death (patent pending) and she would collapse of a heart-attack in 40 seconds, and then I could finally end the series and stop narrating the tedious lives of these young adults. Unfortunately, the truth was far less sinister…

“Wh-what’s up, Kuru?”

“Maximilian Junior-sama is missing!”

“That dumb dog? If one of the teachers finds out about him, we’ll be expelled for sure!”


Down the hallway, a lone student walked, a shinai sitting pretty by his thigh. His name was Yuri Ivanović, a Russian exchange student… except that every single word of that sentence is a lie, as y’all will soon find out. As the boy walked to nowhere in particular, he tripped over a small object in his path.

“Kuso,” Yuri cursed in Japanese under his breath, quickly looking around to make sure that no-one heard him. As he observed his surroundings, he located the object that he tripped over. “A dog?”

“Lol, you found him,” an annoyingly high-pitched voice said as a familiar-looking girl came into view.

“Kuroni Kuru,” Yuri muttered, pulling himself off the ground.

“Do I know you?” Kuru asked, picking up Maximilian Junior and stuffing him under her single-strapped pinafore.

Shit. Yuri had been cornered. This idiot was the only person at Saint Rosencrantz’s College who knew Yuri’s true identity.

“Gotta go,” Yuri blurted out, turning around to leave.

“Wait a second… Sakurai Yuri-chan, is that you?”

Yuri quickly snapped back around, hastily covering Kuru’s mouth with his hand.

“Listen, idiot, and listen good – Don’t you ever say that name on these premises, got it?” Yuri snarled. “I am Yuri Ivanović, a boy who immigrated from Russia to study here, capiche?”

“So, you’re transgender and… trans-Russian?” Kuru asked, her voice muffled by Yuri’s hand.

Yuri removed his hand from Kuru’s mouth and proceeded to use it to facepalm.

“You dunce, this is a disguise,” Yuri scoffed, slipping out of his pseudo-Slavic accent and using a more natural, feminine Japanese voice.

Alright, let’s take a step back and reintroduce Yuri, shall we…?

Yuri Sakurai. Female. 19 years old. Japanese. Lily Orchid’s roommate. She has an IQ of 210 and is the president of Saint Rosencrantz’s kendo club. She and Kuru Kuroni were friends back in highschool, but Yuri cast her aside once she realized that Kuru was damaging her social image. The last place that she expected to run into her old friend was at a prestigious college for the intellectually gifted. You may be wondering; If Yuri wasn’t expecting to run into Kuru, then why is she disguising as a man? The answer to that is quite simple – Each dorm at Saint Rosencrantz’s houses one boy and one girl. Remember when we mentioned that in the prologue as a cheap setup for romcom shenanigans? Well, now it’s relevant again.

Yuri is a lesbian. Of course, this fact isn’t really of particular note on its own. Everyone has a sexuality, after all. Maxie is straight, Kuru is bi, The Dean is asexual, I am whatever is required to make a joke land… The only reason that I’m bringing this up is to explain why Yuri’s pretending to be a boy. You see, it’s all just an elaborate ruse to get closer to the bespectacled beauty known as Lily Orchid. TL;DR – There’s a party in Lily’s rumba panties, and Yuri wants to be invited. But now the jig was up. This moronic blabbermouth was going to expose Yuri to the entire school. Yuri would be expelled from campus and, worse still, Lily would think that she was kinda weird. Unless…

“Does that dog belong to you?” Yuri smirked.

“Yeah, lol. So what?”

“If I told The Dean that you brought your mutt into these sacred grounds, you’d be expelled for sure, and neither of us want that, do we?”

“Nope,” Kuru said. “So just… don’t tell her, lol?”

“Lemme make a deal with you,” Yuri sighed. “If you don’t tell anyone that I’m actually a Japanese girl, then I won’t tell anyone that you’ve got a puppy shoved between your tits. Understood?”

“Not at all,” Kuru beamed, walking back to her room. “Proshchay, Yuri! Congratulations on your transition to being Russian, lol!”

Wow, was Kuru always this thick? Whatever. Someone of her intellect probably didn’t pose a problem to Yuri anyway. And to think that she was actually worried about Kuru. Who’s the real dumbass here, Yuri?

(To be continued…)

Kuromaru (クロまる)