Uploaded Fairy [ Editing ]
"It's alright Slephner, I know you don't like me personally."
I never saw her again. Since then my first girlfriend hung herself in her room. With nowhere else to turn to my sorrow, I turned to the arcades.
You can grow up with someone and never really get to know them. While I knew there was something different about Ellen compared to my first love, I didn't know she would murder her father. There were some things that Ellen did not know about me as well, one of the few regrets I had in my life was not to getting to know her more.
Now that I was on the edge of death, I found myself wishing for a rewind. I was the best of gamers, the best of thieves. I could get the highest score with no questions asked. If I was put to the task during a gaming session, I took it in stride as an off day. I could always get better. This was my life. I would rather not want to live it in any other way.
In one of their first gaming sessions, I felt like tutoring Ellen in the ways of the world. As one of the few actual girls I liked, I found myself having conflicting feelings between the desire to be her father figure and her fuck buddy. Except I was just a kid too as was she, and all we wanted to be was free from the horrors of this world.
I had last broken up with my previous girlfriend; despite being three years younger than the minimum to drink, we found our solace in the drop. Like flavor of mild peaches under the false Summer heat of the tanning bed, where we used to take go. I wanted something more of the relationship, but Ellen declined. I thought that Ellen could provide what I wanted, after all she was one of the few girls that I found I could have a man to man discussion with. To others, I came across as someone who experienced mood swings. But I knew unlike anyone else that I was always thinking about things.
I thought about my previous relationship and the current. My last hope for desiring women at all. And yet, despite no other interest in Ellen I found there was something in her that made me want to hold on unlike others who failed before and left my behind. When I found that my life was beyond the pale when my old girlfriend took my war dog to the next state over, Ellen was there to comfort me unlike anyone else. I never liked baseball, at least not very much. I wanted to be her batter and have her catch my balls. I wrote one poem devoted to one of the previous girls he had broken up with. But Ellen was always there beside me, always there to hold me.
I wanted to sleep with her, even though I had invited a guy to sleep in the same bed with me. In general I preferred guys. But for her there was something more than lust, something more than love that made me want to be held in her arms at night.
Yet I had father like feelings for her during the day, would always instruct her about how to pull the right triggers on hand guns, push the right buttons on the Nihilist likes of the arcades. When she was shy, I would clap my hands to her out of politeness, in order to build up her self-esteem. This would always make her stick her tongue out at me, but I wanted Ellen to be only my own.
When you get so lonely, you want to be with anyone. For me, I would call up Ellen to see if she could come over back when she still lived with her father, even before they ran away together. We had possessive feelings for nobody else.
On some level I knew he was going to die. It was only a matter of time. When the new gaming systems malfunctioned, I was left in a degenerating state. Hoping to die, be left to fate.
The doctors in the laboratory did not expect me to live for more more than a year. They were unsure as to whether this was because of cancer, or some other condition. My natural vision began to decline. I would eventually need prosthetic eyes to restore vision. I could have died in what they referred to as dream-space, but my ability to create my own world gave me just enough drive to survive to see the next day, but soon I found that the world I created slowly lost its lucid quality. Desires I had that were left dormant for so long. I joined flesh with male fairies, fought amongst noble armies.
There was a wish about a falling star. I wanted to dine with the Tzar's. My desire had always been to visit Russia, before the revolution. As there was only so much in the history people were taught that I actually believed.
There was a certain unspoken contract. I was not suppose to share what I knew with anyone. Not suppose to share with the few family I had left, yet for me it was simply source code. I found that all worlds deserved to be free, especially if I could free them and get many a blow job from fairy men. Wanting to share the dreams with my sweetheart Ellen, I knew she would love to hear a new story.
Yet the dream-scanners told me not to say anything to her. Or that they might decapitate Ellen with a Guillotine Gun.
I went rogue.
My youthful creed. Gone in a flash.