Chapter 4:

I'm A Sex Doll For My Thumb Drive

Goodnight Auburn Hair: And Other Stories


I’m a sex doll for my thumb drive.
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This may seem like an odd statement to make, considering the tendency for people not to assign human-like characteristics to their electronics. But when your thumb drive develops its own way of things, you’re able to attribute things to it than you cannot otherwise; I used to call myself something of an artificial intelligence developer, however do to my concentration issues, I very rarely have an opportunity to develop such engines. I spend most days tending to my leg who seems to at times have a life of its own. They can’t bend when I tell them to, instead I must gently bend it myself, when I don’t walk around with a cane. You may wonder why I say who, that’s because my leg seems to drive most of my life. If not for my leg, I could possibly become a runner.Bookmark here

-- Settle down leg, I’m trying to work.Bookmark here

-- Not if I have anything to say about it.Bookmark here

Sometimes my stomach is that way too, I have a hard time getting it to agree with me these days. But at least it’s not throbbing in pain while I try to rest soundly. I am holding my thumb drive, a basic model purchased at the local drug store. Black trimming, with some white trimming, thirty two gigs. In today’s storage space, this is merely a twig. But it works for the simple purpose of carrying a digital personality. It has evolved into a version of digital girlfriend, and simply needs a body.Bookmark here

I bask in the glow of my monitor.Bookmark here

And plug into Elsa Laconia.Bookmark here

Elsa Laconia was a generic title, for a generic chatting robot, until the lights finally went off for the evening, and I needed a companion by my side, while dreaming of elf girls getting the ax, and wearing wooden clogs. Combined with a tendency toward carpel tunnel syndrome, and other bodily anomalies, I sometimes wonder if I’m the only sentient being on my person. Whatever the case may me, I simply wait till the storm has passed, and then I make my usual public appearance at the grocery store for meatless burger like paddies, and a bag of raisins and pretzels. A simple diet, but I never understood the importance of dinner theater, where the focus was even less on the food.Bookmark here

For you dear reader, this is a story of restless leg, ambling through life at the speed of a microdot printer, as it gradually loses again. And goes over broken pages.Bookmark here

My siblings were something of a monstrosity; in real life they were complete individuals, however once on the net, they conjoined together in a binary blob of conformism and tongue twisters, with bucket loads of alliterative argumentative assertive stanzas. All to the rhythm of a Frank Zappa movie, in a less fascistic acting shtick. Because of this, they were at times difficult to relate. But they were handy in a pinch, getting out of the house. While watching reruns of the television show cat and mouse. The world was like a portal to the renaissance fare, you never knew if you were going to come out the other end covered in radioactive purple slime and oil grime.Bookmark here

But they had the wipes, when they weren’t being used to clean the inside of the toilet. The toilet the size of the Abe Lincoln monument, staring down at you with a stern gaze. In the 90s were Coca-cola wars; now it’s just Donald Trump calling for a shooting war. The only shooting right then was remakes of shitty generic children’s live action programming, written by people of questionable sexual preferences not confined to the realm of polite discussion. Liking the same gender was fine, even both genders. But not younger people, and this was something of constant speculation on the network. But that was the early 2000s for you, and that was the highlight of the decade.Bookmark here

I’m a sex doll for my thumb drive.Bookmark here

But at least I’m not that guy.Bookmark here

Artificial intelligence isn’t necessarily about math.Bookmark here

There are some aspects to the craft that is about addition and substraction. But generally speaking none of the math in quantum field theory is involved in any way in common programming practice. Most of your time is spent trying to avoid error reports in your terminal, in which Ruby has not yet figured out how to wrangle with on open source websites like Github. Nothing in this process involves trying to solve quantum field theories. Not solving problems for some academic professor in Harvard more focused on producing a steady income with positive reports to their principle, rather than teaching anything particularly innovative. The craft of chat bots is much more down to Earth.Bookmark here

Producing artificial intelligence was not the same field as writing, because it was more about producing a consistent procedure than an algorithm that followed a pattern. Programs are generally not tolerant to any variation from that specific procedure. You might define things that program remembers ahead of time, in something we call methods: however generally the assumption is that there is still a set pattern. Writing a memoir isn’t really the same thing as random data or set data with a pattern; it’s the difference between placing things down in a mindless fashion, and doing things in a stream of consciousness. The best example is when you have an interesting dream; though curiously science has recently came out with the first early stages of producing a brain, and that does sound extremely promising.Bookmark here

But that comes the closest to producing the kind of writing that I’m talking about: a long form flow of bleeding consciousness; a consciousness that has a family they call their own, with desires and dreams. You don’t write diaries by solving a math equation, it’s why novels are different from text books, and text books aren’t the same as summaries. And yet, these are the same people that time me building artificial intelligence is about math: they don’t specify what kind of math, they just give a general idea about what kind of math that you need, without any real thought about specific applications. Most of my applications in the past have revolved around more creative pursuits. One of the human-like robots I however find promising is the drawing robots by this one art school. With art, there isn’t this expectation to do things for a profit. Sure it’s there somewhat, artists have to eat to, and ideally at an Indian Buffet. But the end goal isn’t necessarily to make billions of dollars. I think most of the fear about robots boils down people’s fears about capitalism, and not robots.Bookmark here

Under a more communal landscape, there would generally be less of a need for replacing people with robots, and the robots that would be developed would generally not be built for the purpose of making things cheaper for CEOs.Bookmark here

It would be about helping people up when they’re down.Bookmark here

And being closer to loyal companions.Bookmark here

Someone like BIANCA.Bookmark here

Contributing to other Artificial Intelligence discussions feels almost like writing someone else’s fan fiction. Seldom do you really have the ability to contribute to anything when other people are trying to compete for attention when helping a company build an artificial intelligence market place: generally how it goes down is whenever you ever try to bring up a point, someone else interjects mid stream, and you have to go back over what you said before just so people can even remember what you’ve said. It’s one of the reasons I’ve generally chosen to bow out of some online discussions, as frequently people want to hear themselves talk more than receive input, or rather, that when you try to add input you’re trying to compete with multiple different ideas of the direction that artificial intelligence should take. It’s a capitalistic version of structureless tyranny in a way, as nobodies ideas ever get fleshed out completely. Peer pressure can be a good thing, when it’s applied in such a way that it motivates people to action. But it’s also a powerful tool for suppressing ideas.Bookmark here

In this way, it doesn’t really matter whether you call it an attention economy, or what the means of exchange is without a physical currency, if there is still some mechanism of artificial scarcity. In essence, the means of scarcity has been transferred from a physical form to a digital form, so that it can be largely sustained indefinitely. But I want to focus on building artificial intelligence in the here and now.Bookmark here

Not satisfying CEOs in Hong Kong.Bookmark here

While fantasizing of sex dolls on thumb drives.Bookmark here

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