Death by Ex-Girlfriend: War Cloud
The next day, Tsukiakari met with everyone in the living room again to try and make her amends. Though one could sense the goodness in her heart, it was clear pushing out an apology was like pushing out a baby for her. Yoko was getting better from her injuries and didn't need to wear as many bandages now. Out of everyone, she was the one who was most eager to hear an apology.
“Well? What do you have to say?” Osamu led on.
Tsukiakari pinched the frock of her yukat struggling to get the words out. “Mmmmm…”
(I suppose the obdurate nature of a little girl still affects her even if she's a grown woman in her mind. This may be difficult.)
Tsukiakari looked around room, distracting herself to avoid looking into Yoko’s fierce, unyielding gaze. Whether it be the fruit basket in the kitchen, or the calligraphic kakejiku framed on the wall above the sofa.
“Well? I'm waiting. Don't hold back. Spill your heart and guts to me and hope to the high heavens that I will accept your apology.” Yoko teased.
Yoko checked her nails and flipped her hair as she continued to insult Tsukiakari. “It would be a shame if you, oh, I don't know, got accidentally stuck in the oven again or drowned in one of the baths, wouldn't it?”
Then, an awkward silence swept through the room.
(Is...is no one going to say anything?)
Silence. Silence. Silence. More Silence.
Yoko suddenly yelled at the top of her lungs, breaking the taciturnity in the room. “Say something you loli psycho bitch!”
“I'm sorry! I'm sorry for trying to kill you, I'm sorry for causing you all so much trouble, and I'm sorry for Izanami!” Tsukiakari repented.
“Eh? Me?” Izanami said, pointing to herself.
“You went through a lot to keep me alive, and I've been so ungrateful for it. I'm sorry. Please, I'm not asking for friendship, but I hope we can coexist in this house together.” Tsukiakari pleaded with a bow.
“Awww, how sweet! Yoko, just forgive her. I think she knows she was in the wrong.” Isabella said.
“Gaijin, you're not the one who nearly died in battle with this wretched little minx!” Yoko rebuked.
“Let it go, Yoko.” Izanami commanded.
Yoko gasped in disbelief. “Izanami, don't tell me you’re siding with her over me!”
Izanami uncharacteristically raised her voice in the most threatening way she could. The nice ex-girlfriend suddenly seemed like the most demonic. “Let it go and don't talk back to me!”
“Geez…” Yoko sighed.
Isabella was frozen in place by just how loudly Izanami yelled. “Wow, she's so scary sometimes.”
Aaaand right back to being the nice ex-girlfriend. “Huh? Did you say something?”
(Sometimes I worry for her mental health.)
“Fine, I'll forgive her.” Yoko said. “I don't appreciate my house becoming an asylum for all of Osamu's ex-girlfriends, however. Why are you so bad at handling relationships? Is it your personality? Is the sex that bad? Wait no...that can't be it, the sex is usually great.”
“Don’t say something like that in the presence of a child!” Osamu nagged.
“Sex?! Yoko, You took Osamu's virginity?!” Tsukiakari recoiled.
“Oh please, he's the one who took mine.” Yoko tittered.
Osamu slapped his palm over his face. “Why exactly did this conversation take such a wild turn right off of a cliff?!”
Tsukiakari jumped on top of Osamu, knocking him down to the floor and sitting on him on all fours like a puppy. Her long hair completely draped down from her head and covered everything around Osamu's face. It was like they were in a black tunnel, only able to see each other.
“Do what you did to her, but to me!” Tsukiakari ordered.
Yoko covered her lips with her fingers as she began to snicker like the smug little witch she was. “Well he definitely can't do that now, can he? You've got no breasts, no ass, and no sass. I suppose there's always implants though, right? Oh, but it would look like balloons on a stick with your body!”
And of course, Yoko entertained herself enough to laugh at her own banter. Tsukiakari, still hanging her head and hair over Osamu, began to blush and tear up.
“H-hey, look. Having large...ahh..."assets" isn't everything. A real man can appreciate body types of any kind.” Osamu consoled.
“Really? D-does that mean you think I look alright? Even like this?” Tsukiakari questioned.
Osamu nodded. “Of course, Gekko. No need to let her words get to you.”
Tsukiakari locked eyes with Osamu like a female lion wooed by a potential partner. Her head suddenly dropped, and Osamu realized they were kissing before he could even think to stop her. You're damned right to believe the shock in the room was greater than that of a tsar bomb.
“That's illegal! True, forbidden love! Our MC is a jail-bound pedophile!” Isabella lamented.
Izanami fainted at the sight of the kiss, falling over on the carpet with a blushing face.
“No one steals a kiss from my husband and gets away with it! The child must die!” Yoko declared.
“No Yoko! No more crimes! We have to be good citizens or else our readers will turn against us!” Isabella reasoned.
Isabella held the rabid Yoko back as Osamu too lost consciousness. Though, it wasn't because he was in shock.
(It's like...my life is being drained. Is this how I'm going to die? Kissing a little girl like some perv? What will Mother think of me? Will Father scold me or give me a thumbs-up? Crap...I don't even know...)
Osamu woke up at night in Yoko's bedroom, his body strangely sore, as if he were gravely injured. All of the girls were sitting by his bedside, patiently awaiting for him to awake.
“You’re up! I was so scared I put you in a coma or something!” Tsukiakari cried.
Osamu's sight returned to him. First, he checked his body. “Oh, good. I’m not hurt or anything.”
But then he turned his head to Tsukiakari and saw she was grown up again. Her Yukata was now way too tight and revealing for her mature body. Forget cleavage, her breasts were large and practically bursting through the fold of the yukata.
“Holy smokes! What happened?!” Osamu yelled in fright.
“Heh...well...it seems Tsukiakari actually ended up absorbing a bit of your life energy when she kissed you. This ended up reverting her body back to that of a twenty year old woman.” Izanami explained, stifling a giggle.
“Seriously?! Well, I guess I'm glad.” Osamu sighed in relief.
“There is a bad side effect to this though.” Yoko stated. “Apparently this means that your overall lifespan has been shortened by sixty years.”
Osamu scratched his head like a madman losing his man inside of a padded room. “Sixty years?! That's six decades! Six tenths of a century! That's 1,892,160,000 seconds! How long do I have to live now?!”
“Well, I took the liberty of consulting the Shinigami while you were out, and they told me the time.” Izanami said.
“Well?! What did they say?” Osamu asked.
Izanami smiled as if what she was going to say was good news. “About half an hour.”
You could almost hear the internal screams of Osamu, and the sound of waning hope and dying dreams.
“I can't die like this! I'm not ready!”
“Damn you, Gekko! How do we fix this?!” Yoko cursed.
“If Osamu dies, I won't hold Yoko back if she tries to kill you!” Isabella growled.
“I too would be heartbroken if he left this world too soon.” Izanami fretted, wiping a tear from her eye.
“Well...there is a way, but…” Tsukiakari began.
Isabella shook Tsukiakari by the shoulders. “Well?! What is it?! How do we save him?!”
“He has to mate with a god!” Tsukiakari said.
“Mate?! As in sex?!” Yoko recoiled.
“No way…” Isabella groaned.
“And if you mate with a god…” Tsukiakari began.
Tsukiakari brushed her legs back and forth, as if she had to pee. Her face was pink and flushed and her eyes dotted off to the side of the room. “Y-you have to take responsibility!”
Izanami slapped her hand over her mouth, obviously stopping herself from ugly-crying. This was a pressing situation, after all. No one could blame her for getting a little emotional.
“Damn it Osamu! Why do you have to date deities?! Screw it, just let him die! I'll kill myself and join him later!” Yoko suggested.
“We can't do that, Yoko!” Izanami said, still stifling a giggle. This was a very strange form of grief indeed.
“Fine, we can all kill ourselves in a mass suicide ritual! Any better!?” Yoko said, as if she wanted to put it to a vote.
“This isn't Heaven's Gate, you psychopath!” Isabella insulted.
“Excuse me ladies, but while you're arguing, I’m dying!”
“Damn it...it's between you two. Izanami. Gekko.” Yoko said.
Izanami crawled over to Osamu’s bedside on her knees, bringing his ear close to her lips as she whispered. “Relax, Osa. None of this is true. I came up with all of this so we could spend some quality time together! I can be very cunnilingus when I want to, huh?”
(Cunning, Izanami! Cunning!)