Darum-A-Rama

Confusion overcame me, as I watched myself walking away from me. Was I having an out of body experience?... No that wasn't it. I don't know how or why, but I think I just swapped bodies with a Daruma doll...

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It had been exactly one year since I had last been to Japan. Normally every spring I would visit a different country, but for some reason, I don't know if it was the scenery or the sake, I decided to visit two years in a row. Even stranger, I ended up returning to this silly doll fair at Jindaiji Temple.

The year prior, after a day of binge drinking sake, I unintentionally stumbled my way into the annual Daruma Doll Fair. As I vomited my guts out onto the temple grounds, a monk handed me a small round red doll with a white face that consisted of two circular eyes with no pupils and a big black painted on mustache.

"Negaigoto o suru (Make a wish)." The monk muttered, while he kindly patted me on the back.

"I wish I would stop drinking." I responded, half heartedly with puke and drool hanging out of my mouth.

The monk nodded and proceeded to pull out a paint brush, which he used to mark a black pupil on one of the Daruma doll's eyes. He smiled and gave me a bow before walking away.

"Uh...arigato." I thanked him, confused.

Unsure what the heck I was supposed to do with this thing, I shoved it in my travel bag where I forgot about it for the past year. Only yesterday was I reminded of it when airport security back in the U.S. discovered it in my bag. I don't exactly know what they thought it was, but thanks to that stupid doll, the security agent got suspicious and made me do a very unpleasant strip search before I was allowed to board the plane.

After arriving at my destination in Tokyo, jet lagged and still bitter from having all my crevasses searched, I was determined to dispose of this Daruma out of spite for ruining the start of my vacation. I would put this thing where it belonged... In the trash!

Unfortunately, there was one problem. This was Japan. There wasn't a public trash can in sight. The only logical thing that came to mind now was to down some sake and return to Jindaiji Temple.

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The afternoon on this early March spring day was pleasant. There wasn't a cloud in the sky as patrons gathered at the nearly 1300 year old Buddhist temple for the annual Daruma Fair. Hundreds of stalls littered the temple grounds, most selling some variation of the daruma doll. Everyone seemed to be in good spirits while participating in the event festivities... And then I showed up.

Stumbling into the event, zonked off my gourd from sake, mothers and fathers pulled their children closer to them with looks of concern and disgust on their faces.

"I-I'm here to re-return this stu-stupid thing, baldy!" I belligerently began shouting at the first monk I saw.

Seeming unbothered by my outburst, the monk smiled and asked, "Anata no negai wa kanaimashita ka (Did your wish come true)?"

"Yeah sure, whatever." Not really giving a thought to what he asked, I impolitely shoved the doll into his chest.

The monk nodded, calmly taking the Daruma. Just as he did last year, he took his paintbrush and filled in the doll's other pupil. Before I could do anything further, a dizzy feeling began to overtake me. I think I may have overdone it with the booze this time. The next thing I knew, I became lightheaded and my vision became blurry.

I remained in a dazed state until my senses suddenly came to. When my sight cleared, I was staring face to face with myself.

My doppelganger had a mischievous grin on his face as he snickered, "It's my turn to have some fun!"

I attempted to open my mouth, but nothing came out. It felt as if my mouth was missing. As much as I wanted to shout, I couldn't.

Whoever this impersonator was, they gave me one last taunt, "I wish you the best of luck, pal." The part he said "pal" had a hint of malice behind it.

Still unsure what the heck was happening, I tried reaching out to stop him from walking away. Unfortunately that was no use because my arms were nonexistent at the moment. In fact, it felt like I didn't have a body at all. It was like I was only a head.

As I became more aware of my surroundings, I noticed a pair of old wrinkly hands grasping each side of my head. I came to a realization...

The Daruma doll and I switched bodies. Completely oblivious to what had just happened, the monk began walking away with me in hand. There was nothing I could do as I got further and further away from my body by the second. I wasn't sure what that doll's plans were, but I doubted it could be anything good. Part of me was wishing now that I had gone to Thailand this year instead or at the very least, just went to watch the cherry blossoms bloom like every ordinary tourist does this time of year.

After the monk scooted his frail old body across the temple courtyard, he approached a large pile of Daruma dolls, which he gently placed me on the top of. For the next three hours, I remained on that pile, which got larger as more dolls were added. My shouts for help were unheard and only echoed in my head. Eventually, I realized it was no use. All I could do was sit and ponder my fate.

That didn't last long though. My painted on nostrils were somehow able to pick up the scent of smoke. A crowd of bystanders were gathered around viewing the customary tradition where the pile of old daruma dolls are burned at the end of the festival.

No! No! No! NO! I screamed in my mind, as the flames began climbing towards me.

Right when I thought it was the end of me, the pile suddenly shifted, causing me to tumble to the bottom of it and roll out onto the temple courtyard. Before I could take a moment to take a sigh of relief, an obnoxious little shiba inu pranced over and began sniffing me. Probably thinking I was a ball, it grabbed me face first in its mouth. As it drooled all over, I couldn’t help, but wonder if I would have been better off being burned alive.

Let go of me you stupid animal!

As I should have expected, the dog did the exact opposite of what I wanted and scampered away from the temple still with me in its mouth. Despite currently being at this dog’s mercy, I still needed to figure out how I was going to track down my body. In my current state, it's not like I could just call a taxi, let alone even walk. I was going to have to somehow get around without being able to move or communicate.

After running around with me for a bit, the dog finally plopped me down. With my wooden doll body covered in a film of dog slobber, I attempted to gain my bearings. Wherever this was, it appeared to be an extension of the temple, since the dog had placed me down in front of some sort of shrine. Unlike the main temple grounds, the bystanders here all looked a bit depressed. If I remember right, there was a pet cemetery next door to Jindaiji Temple.

The dog took a seat beside me and began excitedly wagging its tail. A glowing blue aura coming from the shrine and a dog barking suddenly caught my attention. The noise definitely didn’t come from the shiba inu that brought me here though. Not before long, the spectral shape of a french bulldog formed in front of me. It was difficult to tell if it was staring at me since its large goofy looking eyes stared outward in opposite directions.

“Looks like you’ve gotten yourself in quite the predicament, human.” The ghost dog spoke with its tongue hanging out in a surprisingly deep booming voice.

I should probably be surprised by a talking ghost dog, but after how this day’s going, I can’t say I am.

“Well maybe I can help turn your luck around.” The dog responded to my surprise.

Wait, you can hear my thoughts!

“Of course, I can. I’m Inu, the Great Spirit French Bulldog!”

Your name is Inu? Doesn’t that just mean dog in Japanese?

“Well yeah. My owner in life wasn’t exactly the most creative, but never mind that… Do you want my help or not, human?”

I got the feeling the title “The Great Spirit French Bulldog” was self anointed.

It's not like I have any other options considering you're the only one that can understand me.

“Let’s make a deal then. Since you can’t get around on your own, I can have my friend, Udon, here, bring you wherever you need to go.” He pointed over to the Shiba Inu that brought me here with his paw.

What’s the catch?

“It's nothing that should be too grueling once you get your body back. All I expect in return is a large bag of treats to be left as an offering at my shrine, but they better not be those cheap ones that taste like sawdust. I want only the best money can buy. Don’t think you can cheat me either because if you fail to complete this task, I’ll haunt you for the rest of your life.”

That’s great and all, but I don’t know if that will be much of any help, since I still don’t know where that daruma took my body.

Inu gave me a nod.

“That shouldn’t be an issue, Udon should be able to pick up the scent off of you.”

I guess if that's the case, I’ll agree to your offer. It's not like I have much else to lose.

Inu began barking in dog language to Udon. I obviously didn’t speak dog, but I assumed he gave Udon the rundown as to where I had to go. Udon’s tail began wagging excitedly, likely at the prospect of treats. Before I knew it, I was once again between his jaws getting slobbered all over.

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Shinjuku, the most lively place in all of japan. After an arduous three and a half hour journey across Tokyo, being carried by Udon, we arrived at our destination. It was dark out now and the nightlife was bustling. Bars and Clubs lined the strip. All of which for the most part were packed to the brim.

It seemed like we were getting close. Udon appeared to have locked on to a specific hostess bar. As I gawked at the attractive scantily clad women out front of the establishment, I couldn't help but feel a sense of jealousy. The red light district was my favorite place in all of Tokyo and this phony was probably having the night of his life.

It should have been me, not him. It's not fair!

I had anticipated getting in to be a lot more difficult than it was, but luckily most people were so drunk that they didn’t notice a dog with a strange object in its mouth wandering in. At first glance it didn’t seem like my body was anywhere in sight.

Did this stupid animal have the wrong scent? I couldn’t help but wonder.

Just as I was beginning to lose hope, a loud crash could be heard from the backroom. A few moments later a door flew open and a group of three men came tussling out. To my surprise, one of them was my body. The other two men were heavily tattooed with slicked back hair and wore expensive looking suits. If I had to guess, they were probably affiliated with the yakuza.

“Okane ga hoshi (I want my money)!” The one shouted, as he shoved my body onto the ground.

I wasn’t sure what was going on, but it didn’t seem good. Whatever this Daruma did, he ticked off the wrong people. As Udon approached him, he took notice of me and smirked.

“So you managed to track me down. Nice timing too. Looks like my fun’s about to end.”

What do you me-

My vision had become blurry again and before I knew it, I was in my own body again, staring in the eyes of the two thugs.

“Wait a second guys, let me expla-!”

Before I could finish, a fist flew into my face and everything went black.

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I shot up from a laying down position, drenched in sweat, as I let out a gasp while trying to catch my breath. A sense of dread overcame me as I observed my surroundings. Around me were three cinder block walls and a set of metal bars. There was no doubt as to where I was... Jail!

What had that Daruma doll done while it had free reign over my body? Was the whole Daruma thing even real or did I just drink so much that I hallucinated the whole thing? Did I still owe that ghost dog treats? I couldn’t help but wonder to myself.

All I knew was one way or another, either me or that Daruma did something to get me locked up in here… If I manage to get out by next year, I'm not sure if I'll be able to return to Japan, but I do know I'll never touch alcohol again for as long as I live... Or at least until my spring trip next year... I wonder what Finland is like this time of year?