Chapter 0:

0.0 - My Back Pages

So you are telling me that the Hero of Time was reincarnated as a short, fat NEET in Japan?!


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"Hi, Kurono," said a woman in a white robe, "I'm Terra. How are you today?"

Before her stood a slightly annoyed, short, and overweight young man with short, black hair, in drenched casual clothes.

"I'm great. Thanks for asking." said Kurono in a sarcastic tone, "Oh, one question. Who am I? Where am I? Who are you? And what's going on?"

"Right," said Terra, "so, you, Kurono Oda, are dead. Your life on Earth has ended, and you are now in the next phase of your existence in the universe."

"Cool." said Kurono, "Cool. I have some questions."

"Thought you might." said Terra

"How did I die?" asked Kurono, "I-I don't remember. And why am I drenched?"

"Yes," said Terra, "um, in cases of traumatic or embarrassing deaths, we erase the memory to allow for a peaceful transition."

"I see. Um, so who was right?" asked Kurono, "I mean about all of this?"

"Well, let's see." said Terra, "Mormons are a little bit right, Raelians a little bit. Dudeists, Jedi, Pastafarians, every religion guessed about 5%, except for Michael Schur."

"Who... who's Michael Schur?" asked Kurono.

"Well, Michael was a producer, writer, director and actor," said Terra. "He wrote the script for a show about philosophy and the afterlife called 'The Good Place' where he got like 92% correct. I mean, we couldn't believe what we were watching."

Terra pointed to a framed picture on the wall, "That's him, actually, right up there. He's pretty famous around here. I'm very lucky to have that."

"So... what now?" asked Kurono.

"Hm... you weren't hit by a truck," said Terra, "but we will still grant you the standard procedure for Japanese man children."

"Meaning?" asked Kurono.

"Reincarnation into a fantasy realm," said Terra. "Swords, Sorcery, and all. But no slavery. Fuck that shit."

A translucent screen appeared in Kurono's field of view.

On it, a single sentence was written:
"You have been chosen for reincarnation."

Below it, hanging in the midst of the air, two options appeared, "Accept" and "Decline".

The screen followed Kurono's view as he looked back at Terra.

Terra sighed. "Just press 'Accept' for now. You'll get used to your new life in due time."

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