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My name is Noodle. I'm just a guy who has way too much time on his hands and consumes way too much nerdshit.
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Nov 25, 2016
Aw, poor Olivia. Also, I smell a love triangle going very badly in the future. Great chapter! The only thing I can say about it is that I think you use the "____ said/replied/scolded etc." too much. It'd be easier to read if you only do that when a new character is speaking, or the line is accompanied by some important action.
Wow, there's a lot of detail here. In fact...I might just say there's a little too much. It's a little overwhelming and kinda messes up the pacing of the story. Otherwise, I like what I see so far!
Woah...this intro is very well done. I think I'm invested in the story now! Great job!
