Jan 26, 2026
aaand it's done
For this one, when I mentioned it giving me latam vibes, what I mean is that a lot of novels of this "vibe", for lack of a better term, tend to be narrated more like stories than books. It sounds weird, but let's maybe think of 100 Years of Solitude. There are entire sections where, if you compare it to a contemporary novel in English, it almost feels like a summary. I've noticed it happening in a lot of books in Spanish, even today.
The main problem with that is that this sort of contests asks for something "looser". Rather than heavily condensing the story, it might have been better to have shown the actual events in full. I know that Takumi and Sachie appreciate each other, but I felt like there was so little shown of their relationship that I couldn't exactly feel happy for them at the end (though I'll elaborate on the other reason why in a bit). Sachie makes friends, but they fade into the background, as does her life after she leaves the 🍑household.
It's unfortunate because the events themselves are pretty good. The other latam vibe I got is the constant, almost cosmic misery told in an almost clinical way, as well as omniscient POV which has largely fallen into disuse, and a metric fuckton of characters.
Now, I must REALLY commend you about the characters because they were relentlessly introduced, often being abandoned in a chapter or two, yet I was always able to remember who was who. There is an unfortunate amount of stories I've read here where everyone talks the same way and has the same sense of humor as the author, so even if they have a lot more screentime, they feel flat and tend to blur into each other. The summary-like narration actually works to this story's favor because of it.
I really liked the decision to introduce Sachie as... well, to be blunt, unlikable. It was a VERY bold choice to have her snap at her sister like that right after showing that her sister is a golden child in name only, but is actually very sweet and loves Sachie very much. Sachie is also constantly shown to be wrong, which is why it was incredibly satisfying to see her reunite with her family at the end. Quite frankly, I feel like the relationship I rooted for the most wasn't her and Takumi, but with the 🍑s. Since the story does not pull back its punches regarding tragedy, I was half-expecting Himawari to die without ever reuniting with her sister.
Now, that's not to say that I didn't care about the main couple, just that due to the lack of actual screentime, they fell short to other relationships. For example, in a handful of chapters, you created a great dynamic with Takumi and Ren (that sentence sounds weird as a nana fan...). I was able to not only get to know, but root for her. It almost really deepened Takumi's character, at least to me. I could absolutely see why he'd end up doing the things he did later, and how he'd end up falling for Sachie much like she'd fall for him despite her prideful personality.
IT WOULD'VE BEEN GREAT TO SEE THIS 
If this story was more decompressed, I feel like it could've been one of my favorites. This isn't to discourage you, because I had a story I really enjoyed in the past where I also brought up this criticism, and it ended up as a finalist, so who knows! It's honestly remarkable that you'd make such flawed characters that ended up being so extremely rootable, to the point that I even felt bad for the "bad guys" when the big event near the climax happened.
Lastly, I'm no historian, but I feel like you really managed to highlight the gritty side of the time these characters were born in. It really made me glad I was both at the tail end of the 20th century let me tell you that 
it made me think a lot about how astronomical societal changes have been since then. We might still find scenarios like Sachie's or Ren's, but bit by bit, they're becoming less common. I think that a lot of the bad things characters did were a direct consequence of their upbringing rather than actual maliciousness, which is also why I was able to feel, at the very least, sympathetic for pretty much everyone. It's easy to write a scapegoat villain with no redeeming traits, but unless you know what you're doing, it's also easy to dismiss them as a reader, because who actually cares about a walking, charismaless plot device?
The ending is, at least to me, really sad, but ultimately hopeful. I feel like Sachie and Takumi would be very glad to see how humanity has evolved since, and all due to people like them, who dared to go against the evils of their time. 
we might not be perfect and we might never get there, but we try.
out of every story i've read from this contest, I feel like this one reads like a LN I could pick off a shelf the most, at least so far
