Chapter 4: The Star That I Want

Chapter 4: The Star That I Want

✿———✦———✿

"That star, it’s like the moon’s silent partner, watchin’ over us when the sun’s too tired to stay."

It's April 7th now, and it's been a month since those tense days. My life feels like it's totally changed. I may not be fully healed from the divorced with Miharu, but every day here at Kazuaki’s apartment makes me feel more alive. On one hand, I’m so grateful to Kazuaki for giving me a place to stay, but on the other, I’m starting to feel like I'm depending on him too much.

This month, I’ve been going to my parents' place a lot. They already know about the divorce. When I told them, they were shocked, but they didn’t judge me. They just hoped I’d find my happiness in my own way. Every time I visit, it feels like a huge relief. I can share how I feel, tell them stories, and get their support.

But whenever I return to Kazuaki's apartment, my mind just fills with thoughts of him.

One evening, I was sitting comfortably on the sofa, lost in thought. Suddenly, the door opened, and Kazuaki walked in. His smile just warmed my heart. "Good even, Chinatsu. How hath thy day been?"

"Welcome back, Kazu. My day was fine, just got back from my parents’ place," I replied, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

He came closer and sat beside me. "How fare they? Are they well?"

"Yeah, they’re good. A bit worried, maybe, but they just want me to be happy. They’re super supportive."

Kazuaki nodded, taking in my words. "Thou art aware, they have ever been kind to me. As a child, I felt at home within thy family’s walls."

"Well, they always looked after you. Sometimes I wonder, how’d you get so close with my parents, huh?" I said, smiling.

Kazuaki chuckled softly. "Mayhaps 'tis because I oft stayed under thy roof and delighted in thy mother’s fine meals."

Then, Kazuaki got up and walked to the kitchen. "Wilt thou have tea? I shall brew some."

"Thanks, Kazu," I said, following him with my gaze.

After we shared tea together, I decided to go back to my parents’ place again. "Kazu, I need to head to my parents’ again; I left my bag there," I said, a bit hesitantly.

He raised an eyebrow. "Shall I escort thee?"

I paused. Kazuaki’s always so considerate, but sometimes I feel like he worries about me a bit too much. "Only if you’re okay with it," I replied.

"’Tis no trouble. Let us go," he said with a smile that lifted my spirits.

The drive to my parents’ place felt warm and familiar. Kazuaki drove calmly, while I watched the scenery pass by outside. When we arrived, my mom and dad were already waiting at the door.

"Natsu! Aki! Welcome!" my mom said, hugging me tightly. "We’ve missed you!"

After releasing the hug, she looked at Kazuaki. "Aki, you came too! Thank you for bringing Natsu. It’s been a while since we last saw you."

"Please, come in, Kazu," Dad said cheerfully.

Kazuaki gave a small, shy smile. "Thank thee, Madam, and thou, Good Sir. I am gladdened to visit."

"Aki, don’t call me 'Madam' anymore! Just call me Mom, alright? You’ve spent enough time here," Mom said, frowning a bit at his choice of words.

Kazuaki gave an embarrassed smile. "Forgive me, Mother. At times I forget." He was used to calling them that as a child since he’d often stayed at our place. His parents were frequently away on business trips, and Kazuaki had become a part of our family.

"Come in, come in! We’ve prepared food for you both," Mom said, stepping inside happily. The delicious aroma of her cooking welcomed us.

"Wow, Mom. It smells amazing!" I said, taking a deep breath of the mouthwatering scent.

"Thank you, sweetheart. It’s your favorite," Mom replied with a smile. "Kazuaki, you must have some too, alright?"

"Aye, thank thee, Mother," Kazuaki replied, looking more comfortable.

Time passed, and we enjoyed the meal Mom had prepared. Kazuaki seemed relaxed, though he occasionally glanced over at me, and I could only smile back.

After dinner, we sat together in the living room. Dad joined us, and they started sharing stories about thin’s that happened around them. Kazuaki chimed in now and then, though sometimes he seemed a bit shy.

Mom looked at Kazuaki with warmth. "Aki, I still remember when you were little and would come here all the time to play with Kuni and Natsu. You’d even stay the night. We loved taking care of you."

Kazuaki chuckled softly. "Aye, I do recall. Thou wouldst cook for me, making me feel at home."

"I’m grateful you’re part of our lives," Mom said with a warm smile. "Natsu, you’re lucky to have a brother like Aki."

I could only smile, but deep down, I felt a sense of doubt. Kazuaki has always been there for me, but I’m also starting to feel like I’m leaning on him too much.

After chatting for a bit inside, Kazuaki, Mom, and I went out into the yard. I enjoyed the peaceful night, gazing up at the stars.

Kazuaki glanced at his own house, not far from here. The place was grand, almost like a mansion with its modern, elegant architecture, surrounded by a well-kept garden. The spotless white walls, combined with large windows reflecting the moonlight, gave it a bright and calm look. There was a hint of nostalgia on his face, as if he was recalling childhood memories of playing in the spacious yard filled with colorful flowers and tall trees.

For a moment, I could see how his house reflected the status of one of Japan's wealthiest families, with luxurious details adorning every corner. Even so, Kazuaki had always felt at ease around ordinary people like us. He wasn’t the type to care about status or wealth; instead, he was incredibly down-to-earth. With his smile and humor, he could talk to anyone, never caring about their background. Beneath all that luxury, Kazuaki always seemed happier and more at ease here, with my family and in this simple atmosphere. It’s one of the many reasons why I feel more and more attached to him.

Dad, who had just come up behind us, gave Kazuaki a friendly pat on the back. "Hey, Kazu! How long has it been since you last visited your house?" he asked with a grin.

Kazuaki scratched his head, looking a bit awkward. “'Tis been some time, Father. Yet they seem in good health,” he replied in a calm, formal manner, though I could see the hint of longing in his eyes.

My dad smiled broadly. “Is that so? By the way… hasn’t any girl wanted to bring you home yet?” he teased, smirking. “Or maybe you've already got your heart set on someone?”

Kazuaki grew even more uncomfortable, his cheeks turning bright red. “Nay, Father. I… possess no soul of such importance at present,” he answered softly.

“Oh, Minato Kazuaki! Really? You're an adult, you know! Look, Chinatsu's right beside you,” my dad teased, pointing at me, making my face heat up.

“Dad! Stop it! That’s none of your business!” I shouted, my face flushed. I wanted to disappear from the embarrassment.

Kazuaki also looked awkward, and I could see him trying to stifle a smile. “I… considereth Chinatsu as akin to kin, thus… I entertain not such thoughts,” he explained, looking to avoid digging himself in deeper.

Dad just laughed. “You know, Kazu, I hope you’ll be a support for Chinatsu. She needs a friend, especially in times like these.”

Kazuaki nodded, his expression serious. “Indeed, Father. I shall ever remain her loyal friend.”

After the awkwardness died down a bit, we went back inside the house. Mom was setting out some snacks on the table, the aroma of freshly baked cookies filling the air, creating a warm, cozy atmosphere. Dad settled on the couch, grabbing the remote and eagerly flipping through channels to find something worth watching.

I tried to steer the conversation elsewhere, hoping my dad wouldn’t bring Kazuaki back into it. “Hey, Mom, is there anythin’ I can help cut up for snacks?” I asked, trying to redirect the attention.

Mom smiled. “Sure! Grab some plates from the cabinet and set them out. We can eat and chat together.”

While I set out the plates, she continued, “Aki has always been such a good kid, hasn't he? I remember how much he loved these chocolate cookies when he was little.” Her smile grew wider as she reminisced.

“Yeah, Mom, he’s always loved them,” I said, placing the cookies on plates. The mood felt lighter, and I was grateful to be sharing this moment with my family.

Suddenly, Dad called from the couch, “Chinatsu, since Kazu comes here often, when are we going to see him bring a girlfriend around? How long has he been single now?”

Hearing that, Kazuaki turned bright red and looked down, as if caught in a situation he couldn’t avoid, like a moon hiding behind clouds. He pretended to focus on the TV, but his blushing face was hard to miss even as he tried to look away.

I felt my own face heat up and quickly scolded Dad to make him stop. “Dad! Cut it out! We were just talkin’ about Kazu; don’t take it there again!” My voice came out sharper than I intended.

Dad laughed, “Alright, alright, I’m just joking. But remember, Kazu’s practically family to us now. So, if there’s ever a chance, why not?” He continued teasing, like a matchmaker who was a little too enthusiastic.

Mom, who had just come out from the kitchen with a plate of cookies, lightly smacked Dad’s head. “First, don’t make Natsu and Aki uncomfortable. They’ve both been through a lot. And second,” she added, “Natsu’s already 34, and Aki’s 22! That’s a 12-year difference, so don’t make things weird! Besides, Kuniaki’s actually a better match for Kazuaki since they’re closer in age.”

I felt a bit embarrassed hearing that. She was right—I’m 34 already. It almost made me feel like an auntie, didn’t it? I smiled awkwardly, trying to cover up my embarrassment. Kazuaki buried himself further into the couch, pretending not to hear the conversation as he munched on a cookie. His obvious embarrassment made me laugh softly as he tried to avoid the spotlight.

Just then, Kuniaki had just come home from work, looking tired and a bit rushed. When she entered the living room, she shot a scornful look at me and Kazuaki. Kazuaki, who had been pretty relaxed, suddenly looked wide-eyed and lowered his head, like he wanted to disappear from the awkward situation.

“He’s not my type,” Kuniaki said abruptly, cutting in with a tone that was clearly annoyed.

Without another word, Kuniaki walked to her room and slammed the door shut.

Bam!

The sound of the door slamming startled everyone in the house. Even Dad and Kazuaki, who both choked on their cookies in surprise.

I was instantly annoyed by my sister’s attitude. “Kuni, why did she has to act like that?” I grumbled, frustrated. What’s with her today? This wasn’t like her at all.

Mom, still in the kitchen, just shook her head with a small, resigned smile. “Let it go, Natsu. Just let her be. Maybe she’s just stressed after her first day at work with the Japanese Astronomical Society.”

“Stressed or nah, she still has to respect our guest,” I replied, still feeling a bit miffed.

“Just remember, Kuni’s only just starting her career. Everyone feels the weight at the beginning,” Mom tried to calm me down. I just sighed, glancing at Kazuaki who was still looking down on the couch, clearly uncomfortable with the recent events.

Long story short, Mom and I spoke softly in the kitchen, while Dad and Kazuaki stayed in the living room, trying to find something interesting to watch on TV. The tension lifted a bit as we moved on from the topic that made Kazuaki uneasy. Here’s how this scene could be written, with a country-style English for Chinatsu and an old-fashioned tone for Kazuaki:

“So, Kazu, how’s work treating you?” Dad asks, not taking his eyes off the TV. Kazuaki answers softly, “Well, Father. I am engaged with several new projects.”

We kept on chatting casually, and as time went by, the atmosphere grew warmer and more familiar. Kazuaki even relaxed a bit, though every now and then he’d glance my way with a shy smile.

After a warm evening with my folks, we decided it was time to go. As we reached the door, Kazuaki suddenly hesitated. “Er, Chinatsu, if thou wishest to help Mother with her cleaning, I can go home alone… It has been quite a while since thou wert last here.”

I looked at him, a bit confused. “But, Kazu, I can go with you. It’s safer that way,” I said, trying not to sound too clingy.

He shook his head, smiling. “Pray, do not fret. I am well accustomed to walking alone. Besides, thy presence here would gladden Mother’s heart, I am certain.”

After a moment, I nodded. “Alright then. Be careful on the way, will you?”

“Aye, I shall. And do try not to stay up too late,” he replied, giving me a wave before he stepped out. I waved back, watching him till he disappeared down the road.

Dad peeked out the door, looking kinda puzzled. “Wait, Chinatsu ain’t going with you, Kazu?”

I smiled and answered, “Nah, Dad, I’m stayin’ over for a bit. It’s been forever since I stayed home, and I miss y’all.”

He nodded, even though he looked a tad confused. “Well, alright. Just make sure Kazu doesn’t end up doing all the heavy lifting.”

“I know, Dad!”

After Kazuaki left, I went back inside, helping Mom clear the table. She was all smiles as she talked about Kazu. “That Kazuaki is a good soul. He’s like a son to us now, don’tcha think?”

As I helped out, I couldn’t help but think about Kazuaki. The more time I spent with him, the more I felt that warm, safe feeling growing inside me.

After helping Mom out, I felt a bit calmer. The thought of Kazuaki crossed my mind, along with that shy smile of his whenever Dad’d tease us. Part of me found it real entertaining, but another part of me couldn’t shake off the worry.

That night, I spent time with my folks, talking about the past and remembering how they’ve always been there for me, even through the rough patches I’m facing now. Time flew by, and I started realizing that maybe I needed to trust myself a bit more—to face whatever came, past or future.

When it came time to sleep, my mind wandered back to Kazuaki. He must be home by now. As much as I wanted to reach out, I decided to wait ‘til tomorrow. We got plenty of time; life’s been tied together just fine, and I reckon a little space never hurt.

✿———✦———✿

Next morning, after a simple breakfast with Mom and Dad, I got myself ready to head back to work. "Aight, I’m off now, Mom, Dad," I said, giving each of ‘em a big hug. There’s that feeling of not wanting to leave home, but I knew I couldn’t stay here forever.

At the café, I got met with a real busy scene. Folks were coming and going, likely drawn out by the clear skies after a few rainy days. There were folks reading papers, couples chatting over coffee, and even a middle-aged man in the corner scrolling through his phone.

I smiled, greeting customers, taking orders, making sure every dish got to the right table. "Here you go, one latte," I said to a young woman who looked like it was her first time here. She smiled back, and for a moment, I felt right at home with my work.

Around noon, one of our regulars—a sweet lady who always orders green tea—walked in and waved at me. "Oh, Chinatsu, long time no see!" she beamed, and I chuckled, sharing a light chat about what’s new and how thin’s were running at the café.

Evening rolled around, and as the sun began to dip, its warm golden light spilled in through the windows. After tidying up the last table and making sure everyone was taken care of, I hung up my apron and let out a deep breath. Sure, I was worn out, but there’s something satisfying about a hard day’s work.

Walking home through the dim streets, I felt the twilight settling in around me like a familiar friend. But as I got closer to Kazuaki’s apartment, my heart started beating a bit faster. The more time I spent with him, the more I realized that he was becomin’ more than just a neighbor. I was gettin’ attached in a way that was hard to put into words.

I unlocked my apartment door, smiling at the familiar sound of the key turnin in the lock. Inside, I got met with the warm glow of soft lights and the faint scent of home. There was Kazuaki, loungin’ on the couch, one hand on a game controller and the other busy on his laptop, filled with storyboard windows and bits of code he was working on. That’s just him, always seeming like he never runs out of energy.

"Ah, thou art returned? " he greeted warmly, glancing at me but not stopping what he was doing.

I just nodded, setting my thin’s down and feeling my body start to relax.

Tonight was real peaceful. I tried to settle my heart by doing a little star-gazing, using my refractor by the window. "Ain’t they beautiful?" I whispered softly, as if the stars could hear.

Kazuaki, still tapping away on his laptop, looked my way. "Thou dost hold a deep fondness for the stars, aye? I've always noticed."

"Yeah, each star’s got its own story," I replied, smiling.

"Art thou not curious about what lies beyond, besides yon stars?"

I shook my head, a small smile on my face. "Nah, not really… Honestly, I’m more curious ‘bout the moon."

He raised an eyebrow, a bit puzzled. "The moon? Pray tell, why so?"

"Well, every night it’s different, full of mystery, like somethin’s hidin’ up there. What d’cha think, Kazu?"

"Indeed," he replied, his attention still on his game. "I am as curious as thee, wonderin' what maketh it seem so. There must be tales behind its phases."

I looked up at the night sky outside the window. "You know, the moon kinda reminds me of you. You’re quiet, sometimes bright and cheery, sometimes distant, always shiftin’. Like the phases, sometimes crescent, sometimes full, then new again."

He went silent for a moment, his cheeks turning a faint red. "Dost thou truly believe so?"

"Yeah," I said softly. "Sometimes, I just wish I could figure out what’s going on in your head, kinda like trying to predict the moon’s phases."

Kazuaki stayed quiet, though a small, warm smile crept onto his face. Without more words, he got back to what he was doing, and I found myself watching him from across the room, that focused look on his face making me smile.

I watched Kazuaki from the corner of the room, seeing him sunk into his video game on the sofa, every now and then glancin' over at the storyboard sketches scattered across the table. He held the controller tight, all focused, with a serious look that made me smile. His usual goofy grin was replaced with a different kind of depth, like he was trying to blend two worlds together—his game and his work. Kind of like… the moon, ain’t it?

After a while, watching him play, I figured it was time to speak up 'bout what I’d been feelin'. I took a deep breath, tryin' to steady my heart. “Kazu-kun,” I called soft, catchin’ his attention. “Can you stop a second?”

He turned, lookin’ a bit puzzled. “What’s wrong, Chinatsu?” he asked, setting the controller down and givin' me his full attention.

“There’s somethin’ I been wantin’ to talk about,” I said, struggling to keep my voice steady.

“Very well. What dost thou wish to speak of?” He leaned back on the sofa, looking at me with them honest eyes.

I lowered my gaze for a moment, gathering my courage. “Kazu-kun, this past month, I’ve felt so comfortable bein’ with you. You’ve done so much for me. But… there’s somethin’ I gotta ask you.”

“What question dost thou have?” His voice carried a hint of worry, maybe thinking I was fixing to say something serious.

“Do you ever feel bothered by all the attention I’m givin' you? Like… I reckon I’m gettin' a bit too dependent on you,” I admitted, my voice quivering. “And maybe… I’m gettin’ a bit obsessive, too.”

He fell silent, taking in what I said. “I am not troubled by it, Chinatsu. I am pleased to assist thee. But why dost thou feel… obsessive?”

“I don’t rightly know. Seems like every time I’m with you, I just feel better. Without meaning to, I’ve started wanting you around more than just as a friend,” I confessed, looking straight into his deep eyes.

Kazuaki looked puzzled, maybe a bit worried. “Thou dost know, I wish only for thy happiness. But I wouldst not have thee pour thy heart upon me only from loneliness.”

That was a tough answer to hear. He was right, after all. I didn’t want my feelin’s for him to just be a way of hiding from the pain of the past. “I know. And maybe it’s all a bit fast. But, Kazu… I feel like I can’t hold back my feelin's for you,” I explained, trying to be honest.

He shook his head, a hint of frustration showin’. “Chinatsu, I… I fear this may be but obsession. I would not have thee trapped here.”

“But I don’t feel trapped, Kazu. This is how I feel, clear as day. This ain’t just me runnin' away. I don’t know how to explain it, but there’s somethin’ about you that makes me feel… like I can be myself,” I tried to tell him what I truly felt.

He studied me for a long moment, like he was trying to understand every word I was saying. “But… what if Miharu were to hear of this? I do not wish for aught ill to come betwixt us. He… he was also one who cared for me.”

The mention of her name made my heart pound. “Miharu’s outta my life, Kazu! We’re divorced now, and I reckon there ain’t no reason to worry about him. I wanna be with you, not ‘cause I’m lonely, but ‘cause I miss that feelin’… of bein' loved.”

“Chinatsu,” he started, his voice gentler, “I know we have known each other since I was but a lad, and thou hast always been in my life. Yet… I would not become merely Miharu’s replacement. I wouldst not have thee think I merely fill a void.”

“That ain’t what this is, Kazu!” I burst out, feelin’ a bit frustrated. “This ain’t ‘bout replacin’ anyone. It’s about us. About how we’ve been there for each other through all the rough times.”

After a long, heavy silence, he sighed, watching me with that serious look. “Thou dost know, if we are to step down this path, I canst not promise that all will be easy. We may encounter many hardships.”

“I’m ready to face it all with you. I don’t care ‘bout the past, Kazu. I wanna make new memories with you,” I told him, my eyes shining with hope.

He looked at me, and for a moment, I felt that tension between us starting to melt away. “Very well, Chinatsu. If this is truly thy desire, I shall try… yet,” he added softly.

“Yet what?”

“Betray me never…”

“I swear!” I replied, my voice filled with sincerity. Heck, I’d been cheated on once, and I’d never do that to someone. If anything I worried about him—he was young, and I was just an old soul compared to him.

After that, it felt like both our hearts were beating in sync, and at that moment, I knew we’d taken a big step toward something new. Maybe this could grow into something beautiful, or something more than that. With a small smile, I whispered, “Thank you, Kazu.”

We both fell silent, just staring at each other, like the world outside didn’t mean a thin’. Amid the doubts and fears, a new hope began to bloom. Maybe we could build something real between us, even if the road ahead wasn’t an easy one.

Then, Kazuaki went back to his game, but he seemed more excited than before. He started chatting ‘bout his game strategy and storyboard ideas while he played. I sat beside him, feeling like we were a whole lot closer now.

Today wasn’t just another day. This was the start of something new, a step toward a better future. I resolved to never let fear or worry hold me back again.