Play Stupid Games, Win Prizes

Taiga rides through the streets on his bicycle, his legs pumping to speeds a tad faster than the vehicles alongside on the road. To Taiga, he simply didn’t want to go through the troubles of getting a xeocycle license, so he modified his bicycle a little bit to achieve the same effect.

Because of the wind pushing against his eyes, he wore tinted goggles whenever he would bike, but other than that, he would simply hop on his bike in whatever clothes he was wearing that day, deciding that helmets were only useful for the unfortunate.

Taiga passes a car on the right while riding up a hill, getting an incredulous honk from the driver that spotted him passing.

These are the submarine ports where Pedion applications and transit are both held.

His sleeve is stained with red as some cuts from the glass shards reopen, blood leaking through his shirt, but Taiga gave no notice to any of that.

I might be right. That person on the other side wasn’t Amy, which means… The real Amy is missing right now.

Taiga skids to a stop and docks his bike next to a metal pole, locking it in place. He hops over a fence and scans around for an Amy look-alike.

Actually, it’s definitely possible that Amy lied about working just to get me off the call. Oh well, I’ll just be a little embarrassed if that’s the case.

Taiga looks around then taps his ring a couple times.

The person you are trying to reach is unavailable.

I got blocked. Okay, I’ll try a different number.

Taiga taps his ring a couple times again.

“Hello? Who are you?”

Taiga looks around silently as the direction of the signal is tracked.

“Hanging up in five… four…”

Taiga hangs up before they count down to three.

They’re inside the port station for Pedion transit.

And that was the station where Pedion applicants were interviewed. Having a pass rate of only around 13%.

Taiga refocuses, taking a deep breath, then starts walking with a relaxed expression towards the entrance of the station.

“Hi, do you have an appointment?” A receptionist lady asks as soon as Taiga enters. A couple other people were sitting in the lobby area waiting for their turn to be called. Taiga looks around, but nobody there resembles Amy.

“Yes, Taiga Garten.” Taiga takes out an ID and shows it to her. Glad I thought about this and made an appointment.

“Right on time. Welcome Mr. Garten, your interview will be coming right up.”

“Thanks, I’m pretty nervous hehe.” Taiga awkwardly stares at the receptionist until she looks away uncomfortably. “Do you need any first aid?” She asks. “We have a medical cabinet back desk.”

“Oh, no, this is just red paint.” Taiga looks at his arm and then brings them together. “It’s not blood… I’m not injured… So I’m okay… Yea… Mhm… ” The way Taiga was talking, all the energy in the room had been sapped from excessive awkwardness. He left such a specific gap in his pauses that nobody had any idea whether he was done talking or not, alongside phrases that trailed so terribly that everyone only could hear the first half of everything he said.

Why was he acting like this? Well…

What is the funniest way I can blow this interview up?

No, I can’t. Taiga covers his mouth with a hand, sneezing and covering his entire right palm with spittle. If I make a scene, I won’t be able to slip away as easily.

But messing with serious people is so funny. His sneeze turns into a massive smile, hidden under his hand.

Then you won’t be able to meet that person in the Atmosuit, don’t forget your original objective.

Yes you can, it’s just going to be a bit harder.

…Eh, that’s true.

Alright why not.

Taiga starts doing jumping jacks in the middle of the lobby attracting the gazes of everyone around him.

He drops down to a couple pushups.

Soon he becomes drenched in sweat after a couple minutes.

“Hi!” He exclaims unnaturally loudly to a man in a suit approaching him, extending his right hand out for a handshake.

“Oh, Uhhh…” The other man grabs his hand, flinching back as soon as they touch palms. “Just wanted to tell you that they’re ready, just knock and enter the room.”

Taiga lets go silently then walks to the end of a hallway. He places his hand on the double doors, feels around, then shoves forward suddenly.

Two of the interviewers jump at the unexpected entry before shooting him with disapproving looks.

The third one simply types something down before crossing his legs, a neutral expression on his face.

“Name and date of birth?” He asks before a second interviewer leans in and whispers something to him.

“She says your presentation is unacceptable, and I’m inclined to agree.” The man then says.

Taiga simply blinks then pulls out the seat and rests his feet on the table.

The third person types something down again.

“You three know why I’m here?” Taiga asks.

“No, I’m hoping you’d know why.” The woman in the middle asks.

Taiga begins picking his nose. “Hey, do you know where the restroom is?”

…

“Aren’t you embarrassed?”

”No. Why would I be?”

“I mean… Hey can we just stop this already? He’s obviously not here on any serious basis.” The woman in the middle turns to the others.

“You know we can’t reject anyone solely on presentation.” The first one sighs. “A fair share of eccentrics can make it through the process given enough accomplishments.”

Or money.

“So first of all, tell us why you think you’re a good fit for Pedion?” The first interviewer asks.

“In polite society, it’s more apt to show concern than ridicule when someone is acting crazy. We’re not little kids here right?” Taiga leans his head against his arms. “So there’s a couple things you guys are feeling. Some concern, and lots of discomfort, maybe a little bit of amusement, none of that causes me embarrassment.” Taiga stands up. “In the sense of personal freedom. I’ve outgrown everyone in this room, so that’s why I want to enter Pedion, for the freedom to do so.”

“Okay… Why do you think you deserve that then?” The first interviewer quickly loses heart after hearing Taiga’s answer.

”I don’t know. I don’t have much money. My contributions to society don’t meet a net positive, but what I lack in those areas I make up for in…” Taiga looks around. “Not much actually, wow I have a lot less redeeming features than I thought huh?” He chuckles embarrassingly at the interviewers.

“Okay, last question, are you here just to fool around?”

“Of course not, I would never disrespect tradition!” Taiga’s smile grows as wide as it could be.

—

“You think I did pretty good? ” Taiga asks the security guard escorting him out. “I think my chances are pretty good seeing their reactions.”

…

”I’m not supposed to say anything, but don’t you have better uses of your time?” The guard asks Taiga. “You’re still pretty young, instead of pulling stuff like this you could be studying or working to make money for your future.”

“…” Taiga glances at the guard asking him and shrugs. “I don’t want to grow up boring.” He says. “Did you study? Did you work? Are you happy right now?”

The guard scoffs then looks away. “I didn’t, that’s why I’m working this, I have regrets, so that’s why I hate seeing young men walk the same path.”

“Hmm, how do I say this in a way that isn’t abjectly rude.” Taiga looks to the side. “Well, I was born talented enough that I have a choice in what I want to do.”

”You mean you’re still delusional enough to think that way.” The guard says distastefully, turning his eyes back towards Taiga.

“Exactly.” Taiga disappears from his side.

”What?” The guard swings around a couple times before doubling back and checking an open door to the stairwell they just passed by a couple seconds ago.

He then begins running up the stairwell, shouting something that Taiga couldn’t hear since he was in the janitor closet adjacent to the stairwell, having purposefully left the stairwell door open while hiding in the room next to it.

How can I not be delusional when I keep pulling off stuff like this? It's not my fault people keep feeding my ego.

Taiga puts on the bike goggles, spits on his hand, parts his hair in two, rolls his sleeves up, then wheels the janitor cart out of the closet.

Alright, back to the main event.

Taiga takes a hard right to a passageway that connected the main office to the submarine port.

“Good afternoon.” Taiga greets a random passerby with a nod as they pass.

“Good morn— Good afternoon.” The passerby stutters, taken off guard.

Taiga continues into the station unperturbed, with not a single person giving him a second glance.

“Amy Harding. I already showed you my ID, the fingerprint, eye, face, all the profiles matched, what do you mean you won't let me through?” An angry woman shouted at the security guards.

”Calm down. We’re still trying to figure things out. We had someone with an identical profile pass through a couple hours ago.”

“What? Are you sure that wasn’t a glitch?”

“No, some of us recall her face, and we checked the security footage as well, she looked exactly like you… And also had the exact same biometrics.”

Taiga was incredibly tempted to throw off his disguise and insert himself into the situation, but he knew that wouldn’t likely play out the way he would want, so he unfurled a wet floor sign and dipped his mop into soapy water, ringing it out on top of the bucket.

“Well where is she? I can prove I’m the real one, I’ll talk to her face to face.”

”Yes, the submarine hasn’t taken off yet. We are trying to get a hold of her right now. If you cooperate, we’ll be able to resolve this quickly.”

Amy 1 takes a deep breath and calms down. “Right, I get it. An excessively loud and rude woman probably isn’t making the process any smoother. I’ll shut up for a bit, but if it isn’t resolved soon. You’ll see how mean I can really get.”

Taiga nods approvingly. That’s the emotional stability of a doctor who has to deal with a large variety of patients. Nice job Amy 1.

Everyone stews in silence as Amy 1 stops talking, lasting for around fifteen minutes.

The security guard’s ringer goes off. “Looks like we found her.”

Now to see which Amy was behind the ringphone. Taiga dials Amy one last time, using his third and last reserve number in case he was blocked again.

“Here we go.” Taiga whispers as a young woman and a guard were brought from the station.

”What the hell? You weren’t kidding, she does look exactly like me.” Amy 2 exclaims as soon as she sees Amy 1.

Not going to make it easy for me huh.

Taiga taps his ring.

And both Amys look down at their fingers as soon as Taiga does this.

Amy 2 frowns and murmurs something before she declines the call.

While Amy 1 briefly glances around before also declining the call.

Oh, so that’s how it is.

“Hey! Who the hell are you?” Amy 1 shouts.

“I should be asking the exact same question.” Amy 2 raises her voice.

”I am not paid enough for this shit…” One of the security guards murmurs upon seeing the doppelgangers.

”Alright, impersonation is a serious felony. Whoever you are, just make it easy for us alright? If not we’re going to have to detain the both of you until—”

Both Amy’s give the security guard a death glare as soon as he mentions detainment.

”You are out of your mind if you think I’m spending the rest of my day in a police station, no thank you.” Amy 1 shakes her head.

The security snorts and then throws his arms up. “Yea alright, the police will deal with this. Just sit tight.”

At that moment, both Amy’s phones ring again.

“Huh? Why the hell do I keep getting these calls with no one on the other side?” Amy 1 exclaims as she declines again.

“Same thing over here.” Amy 2 also declines. “Don’t know what’s happening.”

Taiga shakes his head then takes off his goggles, approaching the both of them.

“Hey, who here is the real Amy?” Taiga bludgeons himself to the center of attention.

“Taiga? What are you doing here?” Amy 2 exclaims.

“Hey, stay back.” The security guard pushes an elbow against Taiga. “If you know anything, elaborate.”

“Yea for sure, I had a drink with one of them a couple nights ago, and I just thought up a killer question that only the real one should be able to answer.” Taiga tells him. “Can I ask it?”

“… Go ahead.”

“Alright, you answer first.” Taiga points at Amy 1. “And the question is…”

“Is your name Tory?”