DIY

Complete unreality hit me. Maybe I was still asleep in the capsule.

I sensed suddenly that I was outside myself, like I was watching an imposter on camera. Disassociated from everything.

The monitor remained idle. Perhaps Juliet had damaged it? Feeling outside of myself, though, made my emotions flatline anyway. I wasn’t sure that this was the complete reintegration that they were aiming for.

I suddenly understand the exact nature of my reintegration.

Bobbi swiftly moved me again; maybe she had realised her mistake in putting me near the mirror, maybe not. The meal came, but I didn’t want it. Bobbi kept wittering on; I just nodded and closed my eyes, periodically. I smiled wanly at well-wishers, not meeting their friendly gazes.

Regardless, I didn’t utter a word for the rest of my day out, feigning a bout of tiredness. My fuse was lit, slowly burning inside: I wasn’t going to play their game anymore, wasn’t going to be poster-boy propaganda for their perfect world.

If I am going to recover, I have to rely mostly on myself to get out of this prison. I’m going to be stronger, braver. But who for? For Sis. For me. For…

Blue.

Blue was the one thing I was sure of in this world, from pretty much the moment I awoke in it. Surely she was an unwilling conspirator. 

Wait. Did she only care about me from…pity? I suddenly became disgusted with myself. Yeah, what exactly are you bringing to the table apart from kisses and being a sympathy project? Sick of Blue getting a front row seat at your pity party yet? Like waves, I felt pangs of self-hatred and disgust crash against my insides. But – I’d risk no alarms; my rage would be cold and channelled. I’d do anything to escape from the lie that I was living.

“Are you okay?” Bobbi asked me, as she pushed me round some weird store I didn’t care about. I was too clouded to answer her.

We eventually got back to the facility. My eyes were firmly shut by then – I had had enough of the ‘Shiny New World’ for one day. Send me away to Saturn.

I refused bed, saying I was comfortable to sleep where I was. “Okay tough guy, we’ll have a nurse come check up on you in the morning.” She got a blanket for me, kissed my forehead and said, “Sweet Dreams,” as she dimmed the lights and left.

It was about 8pm, so I would have ten hours roughly to myself.

Oh. I looked up and saw the security camera. I had forgotten about that…well, that could become a problem. Hopefully whoever was watching it was beyond boredom, by now. The main thing was to stay calm, and not set off any alarms. 

Now I realised that my body wasn’t really my own, I felt much less precious about it. So what if it was smashed to pieces! They could get me a new one, a new beautiful dummy for their lab rat to be trapped inside. 

Time to move. Time to pick up my mat and walk.

My legs had felt deadened since my awakening, but I had never tried to get them working. I stared down at them. Concentrated. Surely it was a momentum thing – they were merely tools, and they’d inevitably just do what they were told!

Left leg…right leg…left…remember how it is to walk. I shut my eyes, and just tried to get that memory: of walking, running in sunny summery Irish meadows, the fresh breeze slicing my cheek as I ran faster and faster, with a ball at my feet, Cecilia at my side.

What would Sis think of me now, if she could see me? Pathetic! Got to be stronger. For them both.

I opened my eyes and saw…my right leg was advancing a little. I took great encouragement at that and tried to bend it at the knee. It did! Next, the left – yes, yes that was bending gingerly as well. I felt a rush of adrenaline – breathe, deep breathe, no alarms, Adem. Don’t blow it all now. Yes.

The bends turned into slow kicks, and I was taking them as high as I could – and with an occasional swing of extra effort mixed in for good measure. My new pins seemed strong, but could they support my weight? Only one way to find out!

I propelled myself out of the wheelchair. As expected, I ended up face-planting, slamming down on the floor in front of me, yet staying as calm as I could. I didn’t feel pain thanks to adrenaline and that fluffy putty-coloured carpet – hurrah for Blue, if she chose it. I took deep breaths that she would have been proud of and decided to crawl towards the computer table in the corner, underneath the camera and thus probably the safety of its blind spot.

I tried to push myself up with my hands, my strong-looking arms leveraging me. I adopted a canine position, then moved back into kneeling. Could I use the computer table to push myself up on? I placed my hands on it, and began a silent count in my mind…

YES! I was wobbling, but I was upright. Sweat dripped down my face. I tried to just hold my position. My aching arms were now trembling, so I leant my new body into the table. Once my arms felt less strain, I pushed down again, locking myself straight.

Deep breaths – it was okay, though I was still disassociated from myself somewhat – watching myself go through the motions from afar.

Once my mind cleared and discomfort subsided, I started swaying ‘my’ legs, little by little, backwards and forwards, then out to the sides straight, then circling them. My designer shanks flexed and moved. I could admire them without conceit because they weren’t my original set, I was sure now! But this new muscled and chiselled me – it felt far too artificial for my liking. I hadn’t earned it naturally. It’s just a shell.

I resumed my leg-swinging exercises until I felt some confidence that they were reasonably workable, and could bear my weight, although now my feet were starting to throb. First steps moment? No, not yet. That would come, but now it was time for research.

So, I was a bit of a celebrity, huh. Let’s see what’s being said about me.

I clicked on the computer – it was worth a shot. I expected to see some sort of futuristic account protection system come up. A blue box on a dark background appeared, cursor blinking for my input. I pressed return, and it finished booting up. Hah! Hacker extraordinaire. I didn’t recognise any of the icons at first, but they were easy enough to puzzle out. I loaded up an internet browser called “Seek Ye”…

…and I slipped backwards. My legs had given out. Tottering, without thinking, I took steps towards the wall, trying to get my balance back. My hand shot out as I neared impact: twisting it painfully but stabilising me enough. I came to a standing position. It took me a few seconds to realise: I had walked!

My legs were drunk, but I was definitely walking! I was ready now to stumble along the perimeter of the room, with my arms out for stability. After a giddy lap or two, I put both hands against the wall, and started stretching my legs out behind me, probably like a warm-up exercise from an old PE lesson. I felt the push from them; the muscles tautening and working effectively. It’s amazing what you can do when you feel you must do it. I then started shambling up and down the middle of the room, arms jutting out at times for balance like I was on an invisible tightrope, the fuzzy carpet my safety net below. It feels so good! I started walking faster and faster, and then broke into a trot…it was like my body was getting insistent, calling out to me: “Give me more of this!” Yes. Back in business. Try and stop me now, Fishface.

Exhilarated, I brought a chair over to the console. The internet search page was up, cursor blinking in the box. What to type in? I went with “Adem cryogenic”. Stupid, I know, but that’s all I could think of right then.

What I got from that simple search was a ton of responses. The first came up – full of videos, pictures that looked vaguely familiar, Dr Fisher’s face, and an AI-written article. Then websites. Societies and fan sites with pictures of...this weird me, and the old me as well. Discussions of hoaxes and conspiracy theories about the myth of Adem – far too many to take in, as I became increasingly frantic.

“Adem: Jesus #2” was one such article in the Makime City Tribune. I scanned it. I had to stop.

I could now walk, yes, but what was I walking into?