Under Perfect Blue Skies

Events prevented further elaboration. Robbie got a holomessage from his mother demanding his return, so he departed. But before he did, Stephanie asked him for his contact details, her cheeks burning red. Too cute. Robbie took hers in exchange – I didn’t have the heart to stick a pin in things by saying that he had already got them from me.

As Robbie left the café, I saw Stephanie looking wistfully after him.

I smirked and gave her a look. “What?” she squawked at me defensively, picking up her almost-empty tea, giving it a hearty slurp. I refrained from commenting.

Suddenly something occurred to her. “Adem, the studio got a message from a girl who met you at the hospital. She was in a play, and you passed out. She’d just wondered how you were doing.”

Juliet.

Stephanie continued, “She’d like to hear from you. In fact, we get many people who ask for you.”

I remembered the purpose of the meeting, which the food and camaraderie had caused me to forget. “How’s about you do a little work for me? Just put some of your own time making or answering communications and of course I’ll pay you more than what you think it’s worth. In fact, tell your bosses that I’m in contact with you and that you are my representative.”

She goggled. “But – why?”

“I trust you. Robbie trusts you. You’re in the media industry, have good contacts, and know how it works here. I might look like I know what I’m doing, but I’m lost.”

She looked at me. “It just depends on where you are going with all of this. Without that destination, we’re just reacting all the time.” I sighed.

She thought for a while, and then responded. “Okay, so…I suggest putting out a blanket press release, thanking all the well-wishers, and confirming that they are in your thoughts. And you’ll keep your promise and come on the phone-in again – maybe even consider going on it in the flesh.” In my fake, plastic flesh. “People who have actually met you, well, that’s a relatively small amount so far. The girl in the play – what do you want to do?”

“I want to meet her and hear why she reacted to me the way she did. I think it could help me understand something a lot better.”

“Sounds mysterious. Okay, but – may I suggest we promise something for further down the line? Until the issue with you-know-who is sorted out.”

“Great plan.”

The meeting was coming to an end. Stephanie offered to pay, unlike someone else who had not – but it was no big deal to me.

I shook Stephanie’s pale, flawless hand, with some warmth.

“Welcome to the team, Steph?” She smiled at that. “Yes, I prefer Steph. Are you okay from here?” “Yeah, I’m going to drift around for a bit; clear my head.” She nodded, then gave me a warm peck on the cheek. “That’s for Adem, tell him he’s still my hero when you find him.” Burning up, she turned away with a goodbye and went off.

Good souls make life worthwhile.

I waited a minute, letting things settle.

A chain reaction was beginning in me.

I paid. And left the café at pace. I shot out, down the streets, barely in control, responding to something: a feeling – a calling.

Running. Running as fast as I could. Breathless, like I was trying to escape my own body and any containment whatsoever.

People made space for me. I heard shouts, asking if I was ok, what was wrong. I could hear some running after me, wanting to come to my aid.

I saw the sign for Diamond Park, and turned in, coming to a rest by a bandstand. I bent over and started hacking up familiar greeny-blue fluid from deep in my lungs. Why is it back again?

A circle of concerned citizens hung around me, genuinely caring and wanting to help.

Genuine.

I clicked off my holomask.

“It’s Adem!”

I hushed the crowd quickly. I’d had enough. “Look at you – you followed me here; you don’t even know what’s wrong.”

“Of course we followed you, we wanted to help you, brother!”

“But you didn’t know I was Adem when you followed me. You would have done that for anyone. You people are truly remarkable. I…”

It was madness. But all the lonely years, the walls holding me back from trusting – they were weakening. Cracks were growing in them.

“…The honour is all mine!”

A smartly-dressed man in his thirties, I presumed, stepped forward. “Welcome to 2118, Adem. You’re starting to feel it, I can see. How do you feel?”

Lonely. Isolated. I said it.

A woman in her forties with cascading strawberry hair went next. “But why – we’re all here for you! Here! Right now!”

The man continued. “What’s behind your feelings? Tell us. We ARE here for you.”

“…”

“Trust us, Adem. Like we trust you.”

Shame.

I said it. And felt it. Utter overriding shame just crashed into me. Shame I never realised I had. The body I had tried to outrun now felt far, far away from me.

I started shaking, and ranting. This fire came into me, incendiary, burning through every restraint I had. I wanted it to consume me, not leave a trace. So I could finally rebuild.

“Shout it out, Adem!”

“I’m just…going to let you all down! That’s all I ever do! Let down everyone, everyone I ever care about! I’m scared to care about you, to get my hopes up! I’m an embarrassment. Look at me! I’m so fake!”

Almost as one – the crowd engulfed me. I was held, patted, hi-fived, everything. And the crowd was doing it to each other, too! Regardless of age or gender or whatever.

I cried happy tears amongst the euphoria, the webbed mass of human connection. Rebuilt, rebuilt from ground zero, higher and higher: like the stretching skyscrapers reaching out as hopeful hands upwards towards scorching blue sky. Always under perfect Blue skies.

***

It was some time before I left Diamond Park. As we all came down from the emotions, everyone passing on their well wishes, I moved to the periphery and activated my holomask. A couple saw me but gave me a conspiratorial thumbs up, so I made my exit.

I was feeling totally clear, like someone had poured water through the top of my head and it had cascaded all the way down to my toes. Everything just felt easier, lighter: so light I was floating. I took in my beautiful surroundings while waiting on an autotaxi, which returned me to my apartment.

I flopped down on my tiger-striped bed and fell into a dreamless sleep.

I was awoken by Robbie standing over me. He had a troubled look on his face.

“What’s up, you okay?”

“Yeh. Look man…I was hoping I could do some more freeloading. My mom – I don’t always get on with her – I’m okay in small doses, as I said before! Umm…we argued today, and…”

I saw a holdall by the door and guessed the rest.

“You’re welcome to stay as long as you want, you know that?”

“Oh thank you! Thank you! I’ll – I’ll try not to be too annoying.”

“I’m pretty annoying myself, watch out!” I smiled serenely. In truth, Robbie could have asked for my small intestines as a skipping rope right then, and I would have said yes.

And I didn’t want to feel alone anymore. I wanted to hug Robbie but that would have freaked him out. Maybe.

My holophone alerted me. It was Dr Fisher, calling me, just a voice call.

“I see you’ve been in the news again; they’re calling it the Awakening at Diamond Park.”

“Sounds like a good gig Frank, wish you had tickets!”

“Ha! Well, it sounded intense. You okay?”

“I…I’m not sure.”

“You’re doing well, by the sounds of it. Want my opinion?”

“Always.” I laughed. “And I’m going to get it, regardless.”

“You could do with more psychiatric support. What happened today is positive, but it could overwhelm you.”

“I will prevail.” I was too relaxed to worry.

“Maybe so, but ideally you’d have months and months of a support program in place. The resources we left you access to are good, but you might require something more tailored to suit your needs. Have you used anything we gave you yet? Have you been meditating?”

I shook my head.

“Adem, you might feel fine now, but chances are, it’s not going to last. Please consider what I’m saying.”

“Okay,” I nodded.

“And I’m hearing more and more about the Sect from my higher-ups. They’re not going to sit idly by for much longer.”

“What – what do you mean?”

“If you don’t come to them soon, and I mean soon – they’ll come to you.”

Despite everything – no, maybe because of everything – I never felt that I could entirely trust Dr Fisher.