Remorse

Finn looked a bit absent-minded while warming up Han's biryani from the night before, his gaze occasionally drifting toward the small stove flame. This whole situation had fallen on him out of nowhere, stirring up emotions he had carefully tucked away during the past two years.

River, while opening some canned chocolate pudding to serve for dessert, hesitated mid-motion, his eyes flitting toward Finn. He could see the tension in his friend's posture, the way Finn's jaw tightened ever so slightly as he stirred the rice. River's heart sank a little. Was Finn upset? Was it because of him-because of last night?

He felt a pang of guilt, sharp and unwelcome. Still, the idea that Finn might be upset because of that sent an odd rush of hope through him, twisted and confusing. It was selfish, he knew, but if Finn cared enough to be hurt, then maybe-just maybe-he cared about River in the way River secretly wished he did.

"Do you need help?" River asked Finn, who clearly didn't need any help warming up some ready food. The words hung awkwardly in the air, and River felt a bit stupid right after asking.

"No, thank you," Finn replied, snapping back to reality. He turned to offer River a warm smile, though his eyes carried an unmistakable weight, a deep sorrow he couldn't quite hide.

River hesitated, watching Finn move with a practiced efficiency. He busied himself scooping more pudding from the can, though his hands were less steady, the chocolate dolloping messily onto a small, old-fashioned white plate. As he worked, he took a deep breath, his voice carrying an uncharacteristic solemnity.

"About what happened with Raven..." River started, the words hesitant at first but picking up momentum as they came. "Are you mad at me? I don't know why you would be-it's not like I think I'm so attractive or that everyone's into me or anything..."

The words tumbled out like a cascade of pebbles falling down a hill, one rolling after the other, unstoppable and gaining speed. River's cheeks flushed a pale red as his own voice betrayed him. He felt even more foolish.

Finn glanced at River with a mixture of curiosity and absent-mindedness, then turned his gaze back to the almost boiling biryani.

"What happened with Raven? Did you two fight again?" he asked, his voice distant, as if he were piecing the question together half-heartedly, his mind clearly elsewhere.

River frowned, confusion flickering across his face. "Huh? ...You don't even know?" he asked, almost hurt by Finn's detachment. Then, as if resigning himself to a storm he couldn't avoid, he closed his eyes, ready to confess.

"It meant nothing to me, and I'm pretty damn sure there's just pure hatred on his part, because that's all he can feel. He's like a fucking shaky chihuahua," River spat, his words tinged with lingering rage and hurt. "But we were in the showers together last night, and well, you know..." He shrugged, his gaze dropping to the floor, as if the tiles might save him from his own vulnerability.

Finn stopped stirring the pot. His movements stilled, and he turned to face River directly. His expression was calm but searching, his soft eyes grounding River in a way that made him feel even more exposed.

"Why do you feel like you have to explain yourself to me, River?" Finn asked, his voice gentle yet laced with a faint edge of concern.

River panicked internally. The quiet sincerity of Finn's question unsettled him in a way he couldn't quite name. "I, uh... I guess I just thought... You know..." His voice faltered, and he trailed off, his mouth half-open as if struggling to push out the words he didn't even know how to form. His gaze stayed fixed on the floor, where he suddenly felt very small under Finn's calm scrutiny.

Finn blinked, his gaze softening as he turned off the stove and carefully lifted the steaming pot, preparing to serve it at the table. "Don't worry, River," he said with the same gentleness, his voice distant but reassuring. "We can talk about this later."

Finn's words hung in the air as he moved past River, who remained frozen in place, a knot forming in his stomach.