15 Conifer Village / Jail, The Professor's Proposal

Previously, on Usagi Days: The Professor has thrown the Usagis in jail. While imprisoned, they hear the sound of the Usagi starting, and being driven. After a while, the Professor finally comes and asks them about the Usagi. Ruby unexpectedly reveals that the Usagi can fix itself … randomly!?

- 15.1 - Ruby Explains the Nature of the Usagi -

Ruby: "It fixes itself randomly. But you have to provide the possibility that it can fix itself."

Prof K was listening intently.

Ruby: "The Usagi was under a tarp when you guys found it, right? You see all those cardboard boxes we put to prop the thing up? So the shape of the car doesn't show?"

Prof K: "We figured you just didn't want anyone to know about the car."

Ruby: "Well, that's part of it. But the shape of the car cannot be visibly discerned. Or else it's never going to fix itself."

Prof K: "How do you know … if it's fixed, then?"

Ruby shrugged. "You don't, I guess. It's entirely possible that we could keep pulling back the tarp and it's stuck in a damaged state. But every millisecond that passes—or whatever the smallest unit of time is—(I dunno, you're the scientist here)—every instant of time that passes, there is the possibility the car has returned to its original state."

Prof K, pinching her forehead. "This is ridiculous."

Ruby, more animatedly now: "So, imagine an empty room. Nothing in it except air. All those molecules bouncing off of each other. There's always a non-zero chance for the air to turn into … into … say, gold, isn't there? Even if it's so tiny you can't even see it with the naked eye. What if we chase that possibility, down the rabbit hole? The extension of that fundamental concept. What's happening under that tarp? You don't know. Anything could be happening. Even … the molecules re-arranging themselves into the Usagi's pristine state."

Prof K: "Ruby, what you're proposing is some kind of … reverse entropy. The odds of a single air molecule turning into gold is itself vanishingly infinitesimal. To suggest that an entire car—a specific year, a specific model, from a specific manufacturer—could not only spontaneously form, but consistently, spontaneously form … is just … I don't even have a word for it."

- 15.2 - The Arsonist Has Something to Say -

The arsonist was giggling madly. "You're all crazy! Cuckoo! CUCKOO!

"You're not even talking about technology anymore! You're talking about magic, self-repairing cars! Ha!

"I don't want to ever hear you call the Order a bunch of lunatics, after what I'm hearing here! Ha ha ha!"

The Professor snapped, kicking at the bars of the arsonist's cell. "IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP I'M COMING IN THERE TO SHUT YOU UP."

None of them had ever seen the Professor like this. Anemone was especially taken aback.

- 15.3 - Prof K has More Questions About the Usagi -

Prof K: "Gasoline. Fuel. Explain."

Ruby: "Gasoline works the same way. Step away from the car for some amount of time. Come back. Tank might be full. Might not be."

Prof K: "So every time you want more gas, you cover it with a tarp, and what—step away for some period of time?"

Ruby: "No. If we're just talking about gas alone, you don't need a tarp. You just have to make it possible for the gas tank to be full. As long as you don't observe it. It could be anything in that gas tank. You don't know the interactions of every molecule going on in there. How can you say that air didn't just spontaneously become gas while you stepped away for a bathroom break?"

Prof K gestured wildly, in a show of incredulity.

Prof K: "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life."

Ruby: "Is it? You were okay with the body being fixed by itself, but the gas tank is where you draw the line?"

Prof K: "Uh, I never said I was okay with the body self-repair."

Ruby: "Hey. Hold on. One thing before we continue. We keep going on about a tarp, but I want to make it clear it doesn't have to be a tarp. The Usagi just has to be out of sight. You can't be looking at it, you can't observe it. You have to allow for the possibility that the car is fixed. The gas works on the same principle. You have to allow for the possibility that the gas tank is full.

"If you sit there, staring at the gas tank meter until the rest of time, it will never change. If you sit there, staring at the car all day, it'll never fix itself."

Prof K, rubbing her eyes in frustration: "I'm going to humor you for a bit and just take that at face value. My objection would be that you don't know that for sure. You can't say that with 100% certainty. Just because you've never seen the car fix itself while you look at it, doesn't mean it can't ever happen."

Ruby: "I suppose that's true. It's … I don't think that's the case. But I suppose it's not out of the question."

The Professor threw her hands up in frustration. "This is absurd. This is—this is all a bad joke."

Ruby shrugged. "I don't know what part of this you can't accept. Again, you don't know what's happening in that gas tank. As long as there exists the possibility of the contents turning into more gas … it will. … Maybe. Sometimes."

Prof K: "By that logic, why doesn't the empty space turn into … corned beef instead? Instead of gasoline, why doesn't the tank become full of … candy corn? Or popcorn?"

(Violet: "Why is she so fixated on 'corn'?")

Ruby: "It just doesn't."

Prof K: "Fine. Ugh, fine. … Forget the corn for a minute."

(Ivy: "Oh, she's actually aware of her corn fixation …")

Prof K: "You're saying the amount of gasoline could randomly change. Doesn't that mean it could randomly decrease? You could be running with a full tank, and then the next time you check, it could be empty."

Ruby: "I think that's a possibility, yes. I haven't seen it up until now, though."

- 15.4 - Prof K Believes the Car is Orc Technology -

Prof K: "This is Orc technology."

Ruby: "You don't know that."

Prof K laughed. "You think it's more likely that humans figured out anti-entropic technology before the Orcs came to our planet?"

Ruby: "I didn't say that either."

Prof K: "Oh, come off it, Hanasaki. This is clearly Orc technology. You cannot possibly deny it. A car that can re-arrange itself, randomly, as long as it's not being observed. Particle manipulation. Anti-entropy. Concepts clearly adjacent to the advanced technology behind the stochastic manipulation of the SDF.

"… And if you must know, Hanasaki.

"… I despise Orc technology."

Ruby: "I, uh … literally didn't ask."

Prof K: "And if resorting to using Orc technology is the only way forward to progress, then I'd rather not have anything to do with it."

It was Anemone's turn to cut in.

Anemone: "Yeah, Professor? Because the SOLA9in3 is all human tech, isn't it?"

The Professor turned to face Anemone. She squinted her eyes at her.

Prof K: "I've explained many times, how it all works. Has it ever occurred to you that you're just too dumb to get it?"

Ruby: "Hey, don't talk to her that way. You keep being rude to us, I'm not going to help you."

The Professor chuckled derisively. "And what makes you think I need your help?"

- 15.5 - The Professor Needs Ruby's Help -

Ruby: "Surely you didn't come all the way down here, away from 'your' brand new shiny car, just to pick my brain on how I think it works."

Prof K: "…"

Ruby: "And all that driving around we've been hearing. The same course, over and over again. Your lap times aren't improving." She clucked her tongue dramatically. "Tsk, tsk. Lousy drivers, the lot of you. And even if you practiced for a year straight, there's no way you're catching up to me and my skills."

Prof K: "…"

Ruby: "And you know it. You just don't want to admit it. See, the look on your face just now. I've struck a nerve."

- 15.6 - Prof K Contemplates Her Next Actions -

The Professor was now sitting on a wooden stool, in front of Ruby and Anemone's cell.

Almost an entire ten minutes had gone by, the Professor having sat in complete silence the entire time, eyes locked to the ground, hands steepled in thought.

Even the arsonist's occasional taunts and rambling were unable to break her concentration.

Finally, after the Professor seemed to have come to some kind of resolution within her own head, she stood up, and moved as close as she could to the bars of Ruby and Anemone's cell.

Prof K: "You help me out with something. And I'll let you four go."

Ruby and the Professor stared at each other, neither one willing to be the first to blink.

Prof K: "You have my word."

- 15.7 - The Professor Leaves, Incident in the Cell -

After the Professor had explained to them the details of the task, what was involved, what they would have to do, she turned to leave.

Before she reached the stairs, she glanced back once, just once, at the arsonist, who stuck her tongue out at Professor.

The Professor smiled. Then she left up the stairs.

Arsonist: "Oh boy, she's really got you four under her thumb now." She began cackling. "And you bought it! You think she's really gonna—"

The arsonist's words seemed to catch in her throat. Her eyes suddenly went wide with fear and panic. Her hands grabbed at her neck, as she began hyperventilating. A strange gurgling sound came from her throat.

Anemone: "Hey, you okay?"

The arsonist swung her arms around violently, grasping at her neck, her chest, at the bars of her cell. She fell to the floor, convulsing.

Ivy: "Hey! Guards! HELP!"

Violet: "Something's wrong! Hey! We need help over here! Hurry!"

The arsonist was foaming at the mouth now. She seized up, one last time, her body arching back into a horrible contortion—and then she stopped moving completely.