Steak Pie

The Grand Sorcerer's Cathedral. The largest and by far the fanciest dining hall at the Royal Academy of Humonon Knights and Mages, larger than the entirety of the lower-tier students' dorms, with ceilings so high that you would forget you were even indoors. From the ceiling hung dozens of gold-silver chandeliers as big as carriages, and every wall was adorned with a mural depicting the history of the school's most celebrated alumni. My personal favorite was the one of Kinington the Thunder Knight, an alum from over a century ago who killed the ancient black dragon Mephetol in single combat.

It wasn't just the posh décor that exuded money, either. Even the four dozen wooden tables were sumptuous. The marble wood they were hewn from alone was worth more than a commoner could make in a lifetime. Add the intricate floral trim inlaid with silver and plush velvet dining chairs and one complete table set was enough to sustain a small village for several generations. It was the epitome of upper-class frivolousness that made me sick to my stomach. But what is extravagant décor without extravagant food?

I'm not proud to admit it. While I despise wasteful spending at the expense of the less fortunate, good food was enough to make me turn a blind eye. Could I eat the liquidy mashed potatoes and dry venison in my dining hall? Of course. I did it more often than I'd like given the cost of a meal in the fancy hall cost the same as a month's living expenses for students of my caliber. But what's the point of having friends if you don't take advantage of perks that come with them? In fact, I'd argue that I deserve S-tier accommodations just for keeping Yssa and Remmi from burning the whole university to the ground!

Nodding smugly at my logic, I looked around the sparkling hall for Remmi or Yssa and it wasn't long until I locked eyes with Yssa.

"Yssa! Remmi!"

A smile as wide as a shark's greeted me and a moment later Yssa was beside me, locking me into an iron hug. Remmi followed behind, taking her time while her long silky hair flowed freely behind her and reflected the magical lights that illuminated the hall. Ooo's, ah's, and envious scowls followed the three of us as we made our way back to the table Remmi and Yssa had been waiting at, but none of them mattered. Not when my prize was already waiting at my seat.

"Alva."

The glistening fat mixed with rich brown juices sitting perfectly at the edge of the crust.

"Alva!"

The billowing steam steeped in the aroma of freshly roasted beef.

"ALVA!"

"What?!" I snapped, only to realize Yssa was looking at me with her all too common pouty frown.

"Were you even listening to me or were you just drooling over your steak pie?"

"I- I was listening," I lied guiltily, wiping my mouth with the sleeve of my blue robe just in case I had actually been drooling. "You were saying something about demons and food."

Yssa clicked her tongue, glaring at Remmi as she sat down next to me. "I didn't say anything about food. I was trying to tell you about the guest speaker we had in class today. What do you think, Remmi?"

Yssa and I both waited patiently for Remmi's response as we waited for her to perform her lengthy pre-meal ritual. It was a weird process she'd been doing ever since we were children, though I couldn't tell you where she learned it from. It wasn't religious in any way and her parents didn't do it. It was just a Remmi thing.

The first step of the ritual is ironing out her napkin. The process had taken so long as children that Remmi's parents had made a rule that she had to get her napkin ready BEFORE dinner, but thanks to magic it only took a flick of the wrist. Once ironed, she placed her napkin onto her lap, carefully ensuring that the action didn't create new wrinkles (I had suggested that Remmi use the ironing spell after she set it on her lap but she shot down the idea immediately).

The second step was much shorter and had only become an issue since arriving at the Royal Academy. Being commoners, eating utensils had always been limited to a single fork and spoon. Here in the Grand Sorcerer's Cathedral, however, each plate was flanked by spoons, forks, and knives, for each course of the meal. Even now I can remember her crying in my room after some girls from minor noble houses bullied her for her cutlery ignorance. Thankfully the bullying had been short lived after the girls witnessed first year Remmi nearly kill a soon to be graduate in a duel. Now she just stacked the extra utensils to the side and no one dared to make any comments.

"I think that the increased demon activity to the south is just rumors by farmers losing livestock to wolves," Remmi said, finally settled in front of her plate. "The farmers in our area did that all the time, didn't they Alva?"

I nodded absently in agreement, more focused on how to attack my pie than demon attacks.

"Wolves? Were you even listening to the speaker? You don't think they'd investigate wolves before talking about a possible invasion?"

Remmi shrugged, delicately pressing her fork into the flakey meat of her mountain trout. "You've never lived around farmers before, Yssa. They're a superstitious lot who are happy to blame demons for everything. Drought? Demon magic. Missing sheep? Demons. Insomnia? D-"

"I get it. But as two of the most powerful mages in the kingdom, it is our responsibility to protect the weak and innocent."

"I don't remember that clause being in my admission letter."

"Gah! Why is Alva even friends with such a selfish…"

Several minutes of bickering ensued, all of which I ignored, instead focusing my time on dissecting the crust off of my pie and setting it to the side. Eat the steak and gravy while it's still hot, then when I'm finished put the crust back on and mash it into the remains. All while ignoring the horrified and disgusted looks of the nepo-nobility around me.

"What do you think, Alva? Is it not our responsibility to protect the kingdom from all the Demon King?"

I eyed Yssa, stuffing the last of my steak into my mouth quickly and covering my mouth with my napkin as I chewed. "As long as our future demon overlords still pay for the goods in my future shop, I couldn't care less."

"Alva! Remmi is one thing but I thought you'd at least have more sense. Sometimes I don't even know why we're fri-"