The Gray World I Saw

It was a shocking discovery for me.

"I couldn't even dream of you being rich, Ko!"

"Well, me too. Even though we have the money, dad won't let us spend above 90000 yen a month."

She was getting a normal person's salary for an allowance?!

"Then why don't you buy yourself expensive stuff!?"

"Because I want to be responsible with my money!"

She said with a smile on her face.

"Still, I shouldn't make you pay for my bill..."

"It's fine! I won't make you pay back."

"But you're going to waste 45000 yen on me!"

Her happy face turned into one of sadness.

"Don't say it like that! You're worth every yen!"

My brain short-circuited.

"H-Huh?! I-I... W-What?!"

"I mean it! You're one of my best friends!"

"O-Okay... Gosh, why did you say it like that?"

After I calmed down, Ko seemed to get an idea.

"Hey! Why don't you come over to my house?"

Many bad scenarios popped into my head.

"N-No! It w-would be w-weird for a g-girl to invite a g-guy over!"

"You're just flustered, aren't you?"

"H-Hey! S-Stop with the teasing!"

"Anyways, you can come over when you're out of here."

Her hands hover over my room.

"If you don't come, I'll be angry at you."

She made a pouting face.

"Come on! That's not fair!"

"Should I then come over to your house?"

A shiver ran down my spine.

"P-Please don't!"

"Then it's settled!"

Striking a victory pose, Ko ran off shortly after.

What am I going to do now?

I was taken out of my thoughts by the sound of the door opening.

"Excuse me."

The nurse walked in.

"Your girlfriend paid your medical bill."

"S-She is not m-my girlfriend!"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I assumed you two were rather close."

An awkward silence began. It lasted for 10 seconds before the nurse started speaking again.

"Anyways, you'll have to stay the night here. A robot will check on you tomorrow and determine whether you're free to leave."

"Okay..."

After the nurse left, I was alone. My thoughts were colliding with each other.

"Ahh... What should I do?!"

Thinking about whether I should tell them about my past was making my head hurt.

"I should get some rest..."

My head hit the pillow and I closed my eyes.

"I...can...think...about this-"

I yawned.

"tomorrow..."

When the next day came, I was greeted by a robot.

"Good morning, sir! Have you slept well?"

"Huh... Oh, yeah. I'd say I slept fine."

That was a lie. Memories of my parents surfaced in my dreams, which made me think back about what had I been through after the murder...

...

22nd October, 2064...

"It's not your fault!"

I looked towards my therapist. Throughout the whole conversation, I have been looking through the window. I never noticed how gray this city was. The therapist in front of me was Orio Minori.

"How can you say that...?"

"From what you had told me, it would look like you're at fault from your perspective, but you're not!"

"HOW ARE YOU SO SURE?"

I get up from the chair.

"I KILLED THEM! THEIR BLOOD IS ON MY HANDS! I SHOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN BORN!"

"Hey! Calm down! Think clearly, please!

"I KNEW THIS WAS A BAD IDEA! HOW COULD HAVE THIS EVEN WORKED?!"

Minori got up and hugged me.

"Please! You're just a kid! Think about what your parents would want!"

I couldn't see anything through the guilt that was covering my eyes. I, the 8-year-old kid who killed his parents, deserve forgiveness? That's a bad joke.

"I need to go now..."

"Hey! We're not done with our therapy session!"

"It doesn't matter..."

As I said that, I ran out of the room. I was on the fifth floor of a 15-floor building. Three months have passed since their deaths and this was my first therapy session. When I first thought of it, it didn't seem that bad. I thought that I'd feel better, but I was wrong. The feelings I felt were like scribbles that were drawn all over my mind, and I couldn't take that feeling anymore.

I go up to the elevator and press "Roof". After a few seconds, I was standing on the rooftop. 

"This world feels so monotone...mom...dad..."

Tears started falling.

"WHY?! WHY DID I SURVIVE?!"

Everything now feels like nothing. The jetpacks that brought me joy, were now the sole thing I hated. The tall, colorful, buildings, holographic billboards, handphones, they would always make me look in awe at them. Now, they're just gray, monotone things that lack life.

I walk towards the edge of the building. My anxiety rose when I looked down.

"Nothing matters now... Without you... I'm nothing..."

"YOU'RE WRONG!"

My head snapped towards the voice. 

"Minori..."

"Don't you see how beautiful this city is? How colorful it is?"

She walked towards me slowly.

"No. I don't. Everything I see is gray to me."

"It does seem like it sometimes... But try to look through another perspective!"

This pissed me off.

"HOW CAN I?!"

"Think. What would your parents say to you if they saw you one more time?"

"Huh?! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! THEY'RE DEAD! DEAD BY-"

"JUST THINK! What would mom say? What would dad say?"

I turn back towards the edge and put my foot in front of me. If I leaned forward, I would fall off.

"HEY! YOU DIDN'T THINK!"

"I DON'T HAVE TO! I ALREADY KNOW THEY WANT ME TO JOIN THEM!"

"IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK?! OR IS THIS GUILT THINKING FOR YOU!"

I freeze. It felt like my mind snapped in half.

"THINK ABOUT THE PARENTS FROM YOUR MEMORIES! YOUR REAL PARENTS!"

The things that she said sounded confusing to me, but made sense for some weird reason.

"WHAT DO THEY WANT!?"

"...their son...happy."

I pull my leg back and fall towards the ground. I couldn't stop crying. Minori rushed towards me and hugged me.

"Right now, just let it all out. Don't think about anything."

"WHY?! WHY DID THIS HAPPEN?!"

I could only speak those words as she held me tight.

...

It took me 30 minutes to calm down. I got up and looked at the view. Holographic billboards, buildings, and the sky were still colored gray.

"Maybe we should call this an end to our first session?"

I turned around to look at her. My face had a neutral expression, but my eyes mirrored the sunlight.

"Yeah..."