Stress winning over my perfect fake smile

Morning check ups started and nothing new, a part of me just wanted to go home and call it a day but they recommended me to stay in the hospital until they deemed fit. I had an accident at work where my arms got involved. When I woke up I couldn't move anything and my body felt lighter, two of my limbs weren't responding at all, they told me it was a total loss, it couldn't be helped they had to cut up to my elbow, both of them, it was very difficult to assimilate the reality.

A doctor entered the room and approached me, bringing me back to the present. “Mr. ****** How is everything? ”

“huh?” Is he talking to me?

“Uhmm… Mr ****** Are you alright?” he repeated now facing me, he was now definitely talking to me.

“Oh! ah sorry Doctor, i'm just a bit tired hahah…”. He raised his eyebrow and ticked a box in his clipboard.

“If you say so– that be all for you today, please refrain from any sudden movements and rest, i cannot stress this enough Mr ****** ”.

I nodded and gave him a wry smile, shortly after he left the room. There was something that was bothering me, for some reason whenever someone said my name i could not hear it, my ears stopped working for however long that person is pronouncing it and all i hear is a beeping noise.

“You… have a visit... sir.” Said a green haired and baggy eyed nurse in a very different tone than last night, though her voice still sounded tired. Kiwi was her name, She seemed sweet on the outside, who would've guessed that when mad she was that scary, also did she work here all night? How does she do it? I wonder.

Looking to the door, a girl stood with the biggest grin i ever seen in my life, wearing a long coat and a big beanie covering her eyes, It was my older sister, she traveled across the country just to see how I was doing even after I insisted everything would be alright, I obviously lied but it makes me feel bad that she's all the way here.

“Oh… You are here, you came fast.”

She softly bonked my head with his hand. “Good morning, Mr. Everything will be alright. Are those the manners to receive your big sister?” She said with a very resentful tone, puffing her cheeks.

I sighed, showing her a smile “Welcome Cecilia, thanks for coming and sorry for lying to you, i didn't want to preo–”.

She hugged me. “Say no more, I will assist you however I can, after all we are family.” her hugs have always been comforting, when growing up she would always know when to hug me, i never asked for them, i guess is just her 6th instinct. Though, this time something was very confusing, it wasn't even December and yet here she was with that exaggerated clothing.

“Why do you have such a big coat and beanie?” I asked mid hug, when she released me she continued grinning.

“oh this? Is just to protect myself from your coldness, I could die freezing with every conversation with you.” responded doing an exaggerated shiver.

“Don’t be dumb, I'm not cold.”

“Mark mine words!, thou must reverence thy elder sister, or else thou shalt surely bear the grievous consequences of thy unruly and unkind words.”she said in an ominous voice while showing me her hands doing a threat of tickling me.

I looked at her trying to understand why she was like that. ”We are kids no more.”I retorted. “Those threats are nothing to a man lik–”. Her fury was suddenly unleashed.

“Wa-wait, not here hahaha, Cecilia please, I’m 26 now, please hahahah”

“That’s what you get for constantly lying to your beautiful sister! Say I'm cool and beautiful now!”

“ok!, ok!, you are!”

“i am what? Eh *****! Tell me!”

“You are beautiful and cool!” I responded out of desperation and gasping for air.

I got defeated, her tickles till this day are still very dangerous, i will try my best to not let her get mad at me again. After breathing thoroughly I recomposed myself.

“I missed you, i never thought you would get out of our parents before me.” She said in a very nostalgic voice.

Time sure goes by quick, it's been already 2 years ever since I moved here. Because of work I stopped interacting with everything and everyone that used to be around me, my now ex girlfriend also left me just a month into this new lifestyle, my friends don't ask to hangout anymore, my parents stopped calling, it was just my sister who kept in touch with me even if the only time i had to talk was around 3 or 4 am, because of that she was also the first one to receive the notice from the hospital and the only one that cared too much to even come, I hope i'm not a burden to her, she recently got married, I wish I could have went to the wedding but I didn't have time.

“Yeah, I guess it was luck, although at this very moment I wish I didn't accept that job offer.”I responded remorsefully, a moment of silence blew and she faced my way with another smile.

“oh I almost forgot! I bought you something to cheer you up, here you go Ice King. ”

The list of names will continue, am I really that cold?

She gave me a box, it wasn't Very big but it felt heavy on my lap, “open it, open it” she hurried me. Do I have to remind her that my hands are no more or… “oh sorry, I forgot! Silly me.” Said while sticking out her tongue. She reached for the ribbon and opened it carefully. Inside the box was an amulet of a cat with a very intimidating gaze carved from black wood. It was emanating a weird aura.

“Uhh just what is this supposed to be?”

“He-he-he my little brother, this right here is an amulet that will grant you any wish upon requesting it.” responded proudly, puffing up her chest, could not help myself but look at her eyes in disappointment.

“What’s with that look, do you need another punishment?”

“Uhhhh—no! I'm just impressed, you really found the winning lottery ticket!”

“Right?! the man who sold it to me said that he only needed 800 dollars and it was all mine!” Just how stupid can you be! This feeling of disappointment is really hitting home, although I'm not trying not to get tickled again. I tried to ask why but she quickly interrupted me. “I just hope you can get better, I have been doing my daily prayers, I know God will hear us”

A part of me felt guilty for thinking she was stupid, she wasn't completely stupid, she was just a little… naive and desperate to see me better. I looked again at the amulet and I felt a weird and calm feeling, It was soothing and mellow. “Thanks, I'm pretty sure God will.” I don't know which god though, this just looked grim all around. “But please, don’t buy sketchy things from people on the street, will you?”.

We talked reminiscing of our childhood and the various family trips we had, I didn't even notice it was already past 3 pm, before leaving she set up the amulet as an altar on my night table. I just hope nobody gets scared of whoever god this is.

We bid our farewells and yet again I was alone with not much to do but rest, my routine really doesn’t feel right, I get to be lazy all day and at night I just go and look around, this past few days i just noticed how beautiful the sky looks from here at night without all the city lights, stars really can change my mood, it’s incredible.

At 4 pm I had my meal and went to bed again. Yesterday's event was tiring, what an odd occurrence that was, the stamina that I had been building over the 2 weeks I've been here It's all gone, I feel like passing out.

I need to take care. What would I have done if I passed out because of all the force I was doing? I'm in no condition to do all that and yet… Wait, now that I think about it, Who was that girl? and how did she knew me? if i ever see her again i will give her a piece of my mind, why going to such lengths just for a forklift certificate? She should be more considerate… or something, i don't really know, a part of me hopes we never see each other again, just smells like trouble.

There’s not much to do but reminisce. A green icon on my phone catches my attention, now that I have the time, why don’t I chat with someone? I miss the voices of mom and dad and also my friend’s.

As i contemplate the idea i brush it off of my mind, I doubt anybody would care, after all this time i ghosted everybody, what good brings to their life knowing how I am, i could be death and nobody would notice, or at least i hope so, don’t want to be a burden anymore. I guess I will read a little bit before I start thinking anything unproductive, thankfully in my phone I got everything I need, now I get why virtual assistants are so important, all it takes is me saying “siri open safari.”

I've been hooked to lit-rpgs recently, a coworker of mine recommended some web novels to me after I told him about how much I liked fantasy in general, he even told me that he someday will be a writer too, he just needed to start, if i were him I couldn't even fathom the idea of writing, at school I used to struggle to even hit the 500 word mark on essays.

“Siri, open chapter five of Slimes, goblins and pastries. ” Now, here is where the fun begins, this novel is just a slow life, the mc gets transported to another world where he meets friendly monsters and opens up a bakery, for every pastries he does he gets experience, instead of fighting he just bakes, at the moment there hasn't been any signs of a Harem incoming which is good in a sense, I will always look forward to a monogamous story, I just don't like the drama of multiple heroines and i think having a harem feels unrealistic. One main heroine and a slow life, Is there anything else that a man needs?!

As I look again at my now missing arms I feel something running down my cheeks, it's warm And uncontrollable, “eh?” I audibly gasped and noticed that there's something this man wanted other than a slow life or a heroine.

Tears Poured down without me even noticing, how does this happen?

These were the unproductive thoughts that I was fearing just seconds ago. I quickly got up and ran to the bathroom. I don't feel like reading anymore.

When entering the bathroom I realized how stupid I was. Work over everything else, let’s grind and live peacefully, what’s so good about that? Now that I'm here I realized something else too. The things that I could do here were limited without help, I can't even open the water tap, let alone lift this gown to pee. I could see myself in the mirror, the only thing that I didn't want to do.

I couldn't help but laugh at how pathetic I was, am I going crazy? I believed myself to be a grown and mature man. The reflection showed me a naive person with teary red eyes and the biggest self deprecating smile.

I never took care of myself. I remember as a kid joking with my friends of what limbs I could live without or which sense I would rather lose for 1 million dollars.

“You can't take everything for granted, not even the things that make you yourself.” An odd voice replied to my thoughts, it came from the mirror, my reflection was blurry but I could see my smile, the fake smile that has guided me all this time. Nobody will think I'm going crazy, I will smile at everybody and nobody will question me or antagonize me for ‘not wanting to understand’, this clearly works for me so get lost.

Looking down to avoid the glance of the clown in the mirror I could see or rather could not see what was once there, will I ever be able to function as a person? All I can do is escape at night and watch the Sky.

Slowly, I made my way to the exit with my thoughts clinging onto my back. The bright and warm sun hit me through the windows outside of the bathroom, though nothing feels real, the little light from outside is the only thing that really makes me feel like I'm alive.

The long walk to my room felt like I was marching to a death parade. I could hear little machine noises all over the place, soothing female voices and even some sobs here and there, it was a mixture most unpleasant to my ears.

“Poor guy, looks terrible.”

“Will I ever get to live normally, Doctor?”

“We **** out of insulin, ***** hurry the fuck up– goddammit! I ***’* work in fucking peace!.”

“Mom, mom, mom, please get **** so you can come to my festi** ** ***!”

“What?” I asked, but my voice was inaudible.

“Sir? ******** *****?” someone came close to me but i started sweating, and my legs trembled, quick smile, quick smile.

“**** **** ****” Please stop talking, I could'nt bring myself to even get the words out.

The white noise and gazes kept cornering me, everything was spinning.

Surely they saw I have no arms, I'm just a freak, I cannot even cover my ears to escape from the environment. Please leave me alone, walking back to my room felt impossible as the air was escaping my body and the corridor just was making itself bigger by the second, who was i? A melting feeling was the last thing I remember.

I collapsed and everything went white to then pitch black.