Creep is the Night

I walk through the dark forest in search of wood and branches. The only sources of light are my neon lights, the sky that was once bright is now veiled by clouds. The mist rises, the sideways wind spits snow in my face. As much as the coat can protect me, it can't cover me completely.

The silence around me is punctuated only by my footsteps sinking into a veil of snow.

I can't get the events of a short time ago out of my mind. Since when has Pierrot been such a jerk? He must have insisted that I go get the wood alone, just to get me away from Bea. After what he said, it was impossible to argue without being in the wrong. But it's unfair that I'm the only one who's wrong, after all, she hasn't told him everything either. If I hadn't told him she was human, she wouldn't have told him and he's only taking it out on me.

I should have insisted that he stay alone with the mutant and Bea come with me... But what for? It's freezing here, with him she can at least avoid freezing...

So... For him, I'm not their friend...

Why... Why is nothing I do ever right? If I talk about myself, they say it doesn't matter to anyone, if I don't talk about myself, they say I don't care about anyone...

I'm tired... I'm so tired... I just want to lie down right now, just for a moment... After all, what will change for them if I'm gone a little longer. In fact, they'll probably be better off now, they're hugging each other, like before... I thought she didn't hate me anymore...

It's not fair... Why do I always have to be the monster? For once, I would like to be liked by someone who doesn't find me a creepy monster...

…

I still remember the first days. I couldn't even look her in the eye. She was like an angel. Watching her train was like watching a feather swirl in an oppressive world... I would do anything for her, she could ask me for anything and I would do it instantly. I want to be special to her, like she is to me. I wish she would notice...

But I'm just a strange, creepy guy who deserves to be alone, a monster lurking in the darkness ready to devour everything he cares about, a beast hidden by the fog, eager only to vent all his perverse desires...

What am I doing with them? This is not a place for me. If she's happy with him, I should let them be happy alone...

Walking in the cold rain of ice, the only way I find to pass the time and warm my bones, is to sing.  «Dark is the night, only bullets whistling in the steppe, only the wind is wailing through the wires, stars are faintly flickering...»

***

I return with a load of wood, my breath heavy and the frost biting my face. There's something strange, I see a fire in the distance. As I approach, it's actually my camp.

As soon as I reach it, I immediately find Beatrice clinging to Pierrot in front of the fire that I couldn't light a few hours ago.

As I approach them, I feel another heat coming from him. But Punch doesn't seem to be lying on Pierrot's legs, the heat of the fire is enough for him, so why does Bea have to cling to him? Wait, now that I think about it, I didn't remember that I had already tried to start a fire, when did Pierrot remember it, or... He never forgot. So he did it on purpose to send me to get wood. He did it to get me away.

Pierrot looks up at me with a sword in hand. «Why did it take you so long?» As if I owed it an explanation.

Damn, I only notice now that I'm frowning. I put on a smile.

«Oh, you know how it is. I accidentally walked into a witches' circle and ended up in a world where the trees collected humans.»

Beatrice laughs softly. Her appreciation for my joke lifts my spirits a little. She turns to me too, looking at me with a slight smile.

«I-It's strange that it took you so long.»

Without adding anything else, I walk around them, positioning myself in front, drop the pile of wood in front of Pierrot and return to the hollow of my tree, where I have a complete view of the camp and am more sheltered from the cold. I could stay close, there's more heat there, even the snow has melted and the leaves are already dry. But I prefer to stay in the cold rather than be a disturbance to them, as they have already made me understand.

Pierrot starts cooking. The smell reaches me.

Mmmmmhh, how good it is, meat, cheese and mushrooms... Wait «Pierrot! Where did that food come from?»

«We already had the meat and cheese in stock, while Punch got us the mushrooms.»

«Who's Punch?»

Don't say it's the mutant. Don't say it's the mutant. Don't say it's the mutant.

«It's the mutant.»

«FUCK!»

I get up and go to them. «What are you thinking? We can't eat what he offers us, it could be poisonous!»

The mutant approaches me limping and with his head bowed. «Don't worry sir, I could never try to poison you.»

I take a step back, on guard. «Don't come any closer, little monster!»

I  hear Bea sigh, so I immediately turn to her.

He bows back «As you wish.»

I extend my hands forward and slowly approach. «W-Wait Bea, you know what I meant.»

Her eyes fill with tears. The mutant approaches her and puts a hand on her leg. «Don't worry, I wasn't offended.»

«Don't you dare touch her you little fucker!»

The mutant retreats, lowering his head, but before I can say anything else or take a single step, Pierrot squares itself in front of me «Stop, Dango, don't get any closer.»

«What are you doing, Pierrot?»

«For tonight, leave it alone. Don't get any closer to her until this sudden hatred for mutants has passed. Only then can you approach her»

«What are you saying? I don't hate mutants. I don't want that thing near any of us!»

Bea jumps to her feet, clenches her fists and walks towards me heavily. «Stop insulting him! You don't know what it's like to be kidnapped, deprived of your identity, locked in solitary confinement, subjected to all kinds of experiments, seeing your body change and seeing yourself become, become... a monster! You, you don't know how much torture we've been subjected to to make us docile, perfect slaves who do whatever their masters want without ever being able to rebel...» Her breath is heavy and fast, her eyes are full of tears, but they are firm, judgmental, full of anger and pain that she is now pouring out on me. «Don't you dare treat someone who has had to endure this horrible fate like that.»

I can't answer, I don't even know what to answer. I don't understand why they insist on defending him, he's just a... monster...

The monster is me... It's always me... A story that keeps repeating itself. No matter how much I may love a girl, there will always be someone who will get in the way to make me the villain.

«You're right... I don't know anything.» I mumble after a moment of silence.

I turn and go back to my hollow. I can feel the heavy, judging eyes of everyone present. I feel a heavy ache in my chest. I start to not only hear my own breath but also my heartbeat. Slowly, I lie down in my tree, curling up inside, with my back to them and turn off all the neon on my clothes.