Pride

The vehicle rumbled along the road, the music pounding in my head.

I wrapped my arms around myself, watching the trees blur past. Pierrot was tinkering with the suit we'd recovered. He was really good with this kind of manual work. Dango was at the wheel, his eyes fixed on the road. He hadn't said a word since we'd left. And then there was Punch, sitting beside Dango, seemingly enjoying the ride and the music. Every now and then he'd try to touch the panel to change the song, but Dango would immediately slap his hand.

I, on the other hand, couldn't shake that memory. The moment I plunged the dagger in kept replaying in my mind on a loop. I could still hear the sound, feel the sensation, smell the smells. My hands wouldn't stop trembling.

I'd done it to protect them, to stop him from killing Pierrot... I know, but the weight of that life lost was crushing me. Every time I tried to justify myself, a voice in my head accused me. “You could have done something different.” But was that really true? Could I have really done more in that situation?

…

After two hours, the vehicle jerked to a halt, interrupting my thoughts. We got out in silence, each lost in our own world. Dango went straight to the trunk, pulling out the wood with abrupt movements.

Pierrot approached him immediately. «With everything that's happened, I forgot you got hurt. Can I take a look at your burn?»

I'd forgotten he was hurt too. How stupid. I was so focused on myself that I hadn't thought about how they were doing.

«Don't worry, it doesn't hurt.»

«Let me check. If you don't want to do it for yourself, do it for me at least.»

Dango gave in with an exasperated sigh. «Fine, but make it quick.»

«I'll take as long as I need.»

Pierrot examined the wound carefully and began to bandage it.

I... I felt a bit useless.

I approached them and tugged lightly on Dango's jacket. He turned to me with his usual smile. «Tell me, Bea, do you need anything?»

«M-Mh…» I looked down, not knowing how to ask him.

«Take a deep breath. I won't bite.»

Hesitating, I looked back up at him. «Why did you a-attack him? From how the fight went, it was o-obvious you were going to lose.»

«I never doubted I would lose.»

«W-Why?»

«Because I knew you'd watch my back. And besides, I'd seen you behind him too.»

«I-If you'd seen me, then you could have stayed still and avoided getting hurt!»

«I couldn't risk him hearing you and attacking you.»

«B-But you could have fought back if he got distracted with me!»

«Not at all. He would have just realized that you could fight too and he would have adjusted.»

So, that was really the only solution...

He put his hand on my head.

«Don't worry, when you fight, it's normal to get hurt, remember?»

No, I'd completely forgotten. How can he fight knowing he could get hurt himself? I would be scared.

«Finished.» says Pierrot.

«Good, let's get back to our tasks now.» Dango urged, moving his newly bandaged hand.

Pierrot immediately went back to work on the weapons, while Dango lit a new fire with the little wood we had left. I decided to take care of lunch, but my hands were shaking as I tried to cut the ingredients. I don't know if Punch noticed or if he just wanted to be helpful, but he stood next to me to help me, and every now and then he would sneak a bite of something. The greedy face he makes when he eats something he shouldn't eat makes me laugh.

Dango approached us. «There's not enough wood to keep the fire going. Punch, come with me to get some more.»

Punch got up and waved goodbye as he followed Dango.

His serious face when he asked him didn't bode well. I was afraid Dango might do something bad to him.

I jumped up.  «W-Wait! Don't... Don't go with him.»

Dango stopped without turning around, while Punch looked at me with a naive laugh.

«Don't worry.» Pierrot said, putting a hand on my shoulder. «Dango doesn't have bad intentions. Give him a chance.»

I turn to him. «I'm scared. I don't want to let him go alone with Dango. Could you go instead of Punch or Dango?»

«No, I have to stay here and work and I need my muse for inspiration.»

I looked away, putting my hands on my cheeks. I could feel them burning. My heart started beating fast in my chest.

I-I'm his muse? What is he saying?

«F-Fine.»

Behind me, I heard Dango and Punch's footsteps fading away. When I turned around, they were already gone.

I hope I don't regret it.

…

A few minutes later, I heard footsteps approaching. I looked up and saw them! It was them!

They were loaded with wood and apparently in good spirits. Dango still had that grumpy expression, but I started to think that maybe... maybe Dango was really trying to change. I felt a slight relief that lightened my chest.

With a smile, I stood up and waved them over. «Hurry up! Lunch is almost ready!»

As soon as we sat down to eat, however, I couldn't find the courage to touch the food I had prepared. The others were eating, but I just stared at the meat with a slight nausea.

Dango sat next to me. «I didn't get a chance to tell you before...» His voice was calm. «Thank you.»

I couldn't look him in the face. Why should he thank me?

«If we're alive, it's thanks to you.»

I shook my head. «No... You don't have to thank me... I don't deserve it for something like that...»

«Yeah…» He interrupted me gently. «You wouldn't deserve it in a normal situation. But this isn't a normal situation, you did what was necessary for the survival of those you love.»

«I... I still can't feel better... Even if I did it to save you, I still killed someone... Who am I to take someone's life?»

«... People worry too much about ethics and morality, they're just concepts that humans created to protect their community, creating only discomfort and disorder. They've forgotten that we're not insects with a hive mind, we're animals that kill those who threaten someone who's part of our small pack.»

«I-I don't understand...»

«Mh…» He lost himself in the fire...  «I'm sorry.»

I turned to him incredulously. «F-For what?» I asked softly.

«For putting you in this situation. If you killed, it's my fault for teaching you to do it.» His tone was sincere. «When I taught you to fight, I didn't do it for medieval animations, but to prepare us for a situation like this. I knew that the Republic of Venice would eventually discover Pierrot's existence. The only unknown was when. So, I wanted to use the time we had to train as much as possible.»

I turned to Pierrot. He didn't say anything. He continued to work non-stop. But I could see that Dango's words had hit him.

Punch broke the silence with an unexpected question. «How did you know they would be looking for him?»

His wasn't a bad question.

We all turned to him. Even Pierrot stopped what he was doing to listen.

Dango looked at us all, confused. He scratched the back of his head. «Well, where do I start... I could say it was because of the unusual increase in law enforcement, or when we were stopped by those policemen. But the main reason is due to what happened over 200 years ago.»

«What happened?» Punch asked with a curious smile.

«From what I understand, you're about 250 years old, you should know.» said Pierrot.

«In fact, I do know what happened. But I want to know how you know.»