Chapter 1:

One

Shadows of Who I Was


 In the distance, in a dark, detail-less environment, a figure stands far away. It’s too blurry to make out. It sounds like someone is talking, but it’s too far away and too quiet to hear. Every time he tried to focus on the sound, it only got further and further away, before suddenly, a shrill sound brings him back to reality.

He bolted up, his breathing labored. His room was as pitch black as his dream, except for the sharp light and sound from his….alarm clock, he looks over at his clock that reads “6:28 AM”. “That’s 2 minutes before my alarm, I could’ve sworn I heard it go off?” he thinks. He gets out of bed, and gets dressed as usual. Before he leaves his room, his alarm goes off, stopping him for a second, before he turns around to shut it off.

As he walked towards the kitchen, the dream he had begun to fade from his memory, and his mind’s haze cleared up gradually. His mom greeted him with her usual cheeriness, placing a plate of eggs and toast in front of him. “You look tired, sweetie,” she said, her eyes fixated on his face. “I think my alarm clock is broken.” he replied, poking at the eggs. She nodded sympathetically, but something didn’t feel right. She was still staring at his face, almost as if something was on it. “Is...everything ok mom?” She snapped back into focus, “Oh, nothing’s the matter. We can get you a new one if you need.” In the background, the TV is on. It’s playing an ad about cancer treatment. “I remember the days when cancer was life ruining, long before your time Daniel,” she chuckles, before finishing, “Now it’s little more than an annoyance.” He finishes his food, before responding: “I can’t imagine it being life threatening.” His mother replies “Imagine if we didn’t have all of that stem cell research.” Daniel gets up and puts his dishes in the sink. “Oh, before you go out, could you check if the meat I bought last week is still good?” Daniel opens the fridge and looks, it reads 11/11/2016. “What’s the date today?” he asks. ‘The eleventh.” his mother replies. “It expires today. Looks a little gray though.” “I need to go to the store to pick up some things anyways, we can go get some more beef too,” His dad emerges from his home office. “You ready to go now?” the father asks. He nods, making his way to the garage. 

Daniel walks towards the driver’s side door before his dad calls out “Nu uh, you ain’t driving.” Daniel responds, “What? You don’t trust me?” His dad pauses for a moment, “You don’t remember what happened to your car? Got in a pretty nasty fender bender.” Daniel looks a little lost, “Huh? Did I….?” His dad quickly changes the subject, “But never mind that, we should get going.” During the car ride, Daniel lingers on the thought of an accident he can’t recall, but his father’s voice interrupts him: “Hey, daydreamer. We’re here.” Daniel looks up, surprised. “Oh, wow. I must’ve really zoned out.” They get out of the car, and walk into the store. “Jesus, these prices are out of control. $1.36 a pound? I thought this lab grown shit was supposed to be chea-” His father stops himself mid-sentence, “Sorry, I need to stop swearing around you.”. They walk out of the store, bag in hand, when a voice comes from behind them. “Didya steal that too?” They turn around, and see a young woman with a scornful look on her face. “Huh? What do you me-” Daniel’s father interrupts him “Don’t pay her any mind, you must’ve pissed her off at some point.” They continue to walk away, with the woman's voice trailing off behind them “Go ahead, act like I don’t exist. Won’t be much of a change for you.” They both get into the car, and Daniel asks: “Who was that?” His dad replies, “I dunno. Like I said, probably someone you pissed off or something. Whatever it is, it’s better to just let sleeping dogs lie I say.” 

Much like the thought of him forgetting an accident he was in, the thought of his relation to this woman lingered in his head. Why couldn’t he remember any of it? “Jesus, you doing ok? We’re home.” Just like before, minutes passed in seconds. “Sorry, I just got hung up on something.” His father shakes his head, “You shoulda taken my advice y’know. Focus on the present, and the future. All that lies in the past is sh-, ahem, stuff you can’t change.” Daniel nods, and they both walk inside, greeted by their mother: “Took you a while, I guess the roads are a little busy today.” His dad confirms, “Traffic was bad, at least the beef’s still cold.” He puts it in the fridge, ready to eat another day. “Can’t believe it’s almost a new year, hard to think about you being 20 soon.” Daniel smirks a little, “I feel a little old honestly.” His father laughs, “You aren’t allowed to say that, not until you’re my age.” Daniel goes back into his room, working on an essay for college. “…..” Daniel looks at the clock near his bed, “Damn, it’s been an hour and I still don’t have much of anything.” He looks back at the computer monitor. “Who….was that woman? Why the hell am I still thinking about her?” Even trying as hard as he can, he can’t remember her at all before today. Eventually, he finishes writing the essay. The rest of the day is mundane, but throughout it he can’t stop thinking about the woman and more specifically, what she said about him. Days go by without anything of interest, but each day the thoughts gnaw at him more and more. Daniel thinks to himself, “I need to speak with her. Figure out if she mistook me, or what the hell happened between us..” He looks at the calendar, “Tomorrow makes a week since I saw her, maybe she’ll be at the same place again.” He goes to bed, with that mission in his mind. 

At breakfast, he asks “Do you mind if I take the car? I just need run a couple errands.” His father scoffs at the suggestion, “I like my car to be in one piece, thank you very much.” His mother glances over at his father, staring daggers into his eyes. “Oh relax, I’m sure he’s learned his lesson.” His dad hesitates for a moment, before sighing, “You’re right, I guess. Just be careful, alright?” Daniel nods, before leaving to go to the supermarket again. “It’s around the same time, she may be here again…” he thinks to himself. He exits the car and walks towards the supermarket. She doesn’t seem to be outside, so he goes into the store. He walks around for a while, not seeing her anywhere. “Damn, I guess this was a bust…” Just as he finishes that thought, he turns around and spots the woman in the distance. She hasn’t noticed him yet. He thinks for a moment, before walking up to her. “Hi, I uh...I-” He’s cut off before he can get anything coherent out. “What the hell do you want?” He hesitates for a bit, “L-last time we spoke, what did you mean when you asked me if I stole that too?” The woman scowls at Daniel, “Oh come on, are you trying to play dumb or some shit? Do you think this is funny?” Daniel stands there with a puzzled expression on his face, making the woman’s expression change a little. “Whatever, it’s not my fault you have nothing better to do than making fun of me. Fuck you.” She walks off, but before she leaves, Daniel calls out to her: “W-wait! I...seriously….don’t remember anything.” She stops, and turns around, looking at Daniel from a distance. Eventually she walks back up to him and continues to stare at his face. “….Why does it feel like you aren’t lying?” She asks. 

They both stand in silence for a little. She sighs, before saying “If you’re actually serious about this I’d rather talk somewhere else than in the middle of some supermarket. Meet me in café solace . But you better not do a no show.” She walks off, and Daniel rushes to his car. “Café solace? Let me look on my phone…” he thinks as he types in the name into his map. Having the directions, he drives off. He sits down at a table after buying a bottle of water. Shortly after, the woman arrives. “I’m kinda surprised you showed up.” She sits in the chair opposite of him. “What? You didn’t get a coffee?” Daniel looks a little confused, “No...? Of course not. I hate the taste of that stuff.” The woman squints at Daniel, saying nothing at all. She leans in a little on the table, staring at his face again. “What..you aren’t….lying, huh?” “If you don’t believe me, I’ll go buy one ri-” The woman responds suddenly and sternly, “No. I’ll buy it. You’re not spending any of ‘your’ money.” She stands up, orders a coffee, and brings it to the table. Daniel picks it up, and with a slight sour expression on his face, takes a small sip of it. His face scrunches like a rotten apple “Augh….that’s as awful as I remember it being.” The woman sits with a shocked expression on her face, before she responds: “I don’t understand—who are you?”

Rowan.Burns
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