03.

It was a daydream, or a sudden memory coming to her.

She was almost unconscious for a moment.

Maybe she had wanted so much that her mother would talk to her again, that she dreamt about a time back when she did. Something she said, about history.

Something about the history of the Ottoman empire.

And for her to reply back then in a clear and painful yelp.

What happened next?

The three words echoing through her mind in a sharp pain.

She began to stand up slowly. There was no more strength in that weak body. She could still somehow hear that voice from the past in herself. Did she dream for a moment?

As she slowly walked toward the end of the wagon in her daze, she began to hear more children’s voices.

She wasn’t sure at first whether they were real or her own delusions again.

She reached the front of the wagon, where another of these heavy looking metallic doors were. It had a colour darker than everything surrounding it. A small window let her see the airlock behind it, leading to the next wagon shortly after.

If it was a little reassuring to see that she should be able to travel from one wagon to the next freely, the door and the airlock still looked quite grim to her.

Her hands against the handle were still shaking because of the previous trauma. A swamp of pain in her mind was growing because of that unexpected and painful rejection. A dampness that wouldn’t dry easily.

She opened the heavy door and moved past it. Mary-Esther unlocked the next one and entered the new wagon, still not quite sure about the floor she was on. How many stories was this train high? She could recall about four floor levels from the earlier night.

In this next place she found a large room covering all the space the wagon’s floor could likely offer. It was immense. The deep red colour of the carpet was keeping a warm mood around. Sadly it also looked a little like the walls of a bottomless pit opened to her. She walked cautiously from superstition, fearing it might turn into a hole suddenly.

Some books were scattered here and there she noticed, near the shelves that hid some of the windows oddly. It was a library around the sides, though a little upside down from the looks of it. It was as if someone had thrown a violent tantrum, or perhaps that kinds of strong arguments where they would throw whatever they could grab at each other. The train hadn’t shaken enough to cause that much of a mess.

She could notice some clues of a wrath in the way some books had been scattered along the floor.

Nonetheless no one else was there, and the place was as silent as it could be. Only the soft noises of the running train could be heard as if they were outside street activity.

She would have normally loved to look around and spend some time in a place like a library.

But now she was not in a mood to leisurely read at all.

Still a little afraid superstitiously to fall somewhere else at each of her steps, she walked slowly, only discovering the place as she went.

A few desks were there, with books left unceremoniously there.

And although the day light would be sufficient, a few reading lamps were also lit there.

Mary-Esther treaded carefully, until her fate caught her by surprise quite suddenly.

She saw them, now just in front of her. She recognised them.

Their sight scared her to death, and that new blow to her heart was one too many.

She felt her consciousness fading away, as her body was falling limp onto the floor.

She had been too afraid and received too much of another shock, fainting now there.

~

She felt desperately powerless.

Mildly conscious, she felt that someone or something was carrying her away... She couldn’t clearly understand what was happening or how many people were there.

She couldn’t say whether they were helping her or taking her away, toward a bleaker even future, but the thought crossed her mind.

She still couldn’t scream. She couldn’t move between their hands. She found herself only able to wait, feeling her fading consciousness unravelling.

She felt the pain of being unable to choose her own fate yet again. That thought now weighed heavier on her.

How painful it felt to find herself unable to fight against her fate.

And because she now felt so weak, she was being now carried away against her will.

Because of what she couldn’t face...

~

Brought away, so far away. She wished she could awaken and rise elsewhere, now very far from that ship or train. In a different country maybe. A different place, where the sun was always bright in the sky.

A place where every day felt like a full summer in England.

A place where to her mind it felt as such all the time, and where the sunlight could become so strong, its mere reflection on the ground could still hurt your eyes...

Such a dream.

And such deception upon coming to, seeing she was still in that red and gloomy train.

Where had she been brought? She had an uneven recollection of numerous doors being crossed, but also as if her trip had lasted merely seconds.

She could only recall seeing abstract swarms of colours dancing around her for a while, only slightly outlined by door frames sometimes.

But time itself felt odd to her lately. She felt as whether its flow itself had grown sick as well, now behaving erratically.

It all brought a dizziness, and she was feeling nauseous now. She fell on the floor she had barely stood on. She lied down for a moment, feeling at her weakest.

The ruckus she hadn’t been focusing on for this moment was settling around her.

Mary-Esther waited for her pulse and breath to return to balanced rhythm before trying to stand again.

A minute later, feeling a little less exhausted, she began moving again. Her senses felt a little cold, but she resumed moving to stand. Moving her feet, raising her shoulders and head. Finally looking ahead and around.

Finally seeing them.

Looking at them brought a clench and sadness she couldn’t name or explain. Her heart and her guts ached suddenly. She felt altogether deeply sad, and really scared.

She didn’t felt quite as if she had known them before, but rather as if they unwillingly made her thought back of awful memories by association for her...

Hearing the younger one speak triggered a cold shiver all along her body. That voice was strangely clear and tormented altogether. A soft voice, a nice soft song, that somehow also felt cold as ice, vibrant and sad.

The kind of voice that was so vivid, she couldn’t forget it speaking, as it was strangely overwhelming her.

E - Rise and shine... Esther... Hello.

Esther looked sadly at her, a painful expression on her face. She faced a kid, a young girl. A younger blond girl with her hair a little unruly and curly. She was smiling with false happiness.

Mary-Esther felt something, a thought or a memory, being scribbled in her mind, and vanishing then in a pool of moving doodles before she could truly name it. She felt lost again, confused by mixed feelings she couldn’t really name.

She was left unable to reply anything.

She couldn’t understand herself what was going on in her own mind anymore.

As Mary-Esther was standing there agape, seemingly dozing off, the girl moved toward her, standing clear and closer.

E - I wasn’t expecting to see you again honestly... But now that you’re here, that makes me a little glad... Did you miss home?

M - Home?

Esther looked around. The area was probably a beautiful dining room or restaurant. At least it used to be. Now the tables lied either broken or stacked up randomly, as if a panic occurred. Dishes were in pieces glittering almost everywhere along the floor. A magnificent chandelier had been reduced to a heap of broken glass. The white tablecloths were ripped everywhere and often covered with scribblings...

They reminded her of the faceless thought she had had a moment ago, or the half consciousness state she had been in when being carried away before.

The children had made their home in that place? It was more like building a savage’s lair she thought... It had nothing to do with a home to her eyes.

Mary-Esther didn’t see any silverware left carelessly on the ground, but she expected to find them bent and scattered somewhere else.

M - I... can’t call this home...

E - What? How dare you!

Elise seemed really insulted. Looking down on Esther, she raised a hand that was about to come for a slap.

She braced herself, unable to understand why she could get this mad about her reply.

S - Elise, stop.

The second girl stepped in, as Elise was quietly obeying.

Scarlett was probably the same age as herself thought Mary-Esther, although that sounded wrong. She was a few years older than Elise at least she knew, and one head taller.

Scarlett wasn’t smiling, but had the look of someone who rarely did. Dark ginger hair tailored rather short. It seemed to Mary-Esther that this person was reflecting less ambient light than the bright Elise.

Elise had obeyed wordlessly, but still looked an unexpectedly high level of angry. Scarlett looked at her most of the time when she spoke to both of them.

S - She’s just arrived, and you can tell she isn’t feeling well at all. Give her some time in peace please.

She spoke slowly, keeping an eye on Elise’s frank reactions. Her voice was deep with a tone that sounded sad to Esther as well. She wondered how much true nostalgia was behind.

Elise was all colours of displeased with what she just heard, and looked severely conflicted.

She muttered something that was probably just meant for herself, though the three of them heard it.

E - After waiting for so long... All I get is her? And I should let her be?

She sulked. But she turned around and left calmly the room, despite an obvious anger.

Mary-Esther was still barely standing. Scarlett sighed and turned toward her. Her tone was a little more insensitive however.

S - How do you feel... Esther?

She had the feeling there was some mean irony in the question. Did she have a grin on her face for a second? But the words to answer came out naturally out of her. She replied without thinking about it.

M - Lost... I feel utterly lost...

It was the only word to describe the feeling that was flowing out.

S - I guess it must have been hard for you too...

Scarlett helped her to stand and walk again. She helped her to sit on a chair a little further.

Scarlett looked mostly cold and had a sinister false smile sometimes, trying to appear polite.

S - You know... Elise might never admit it, but we both are quite glad that you joined us here truly. It does feel a little more like home now that you’re here...

The words were painful as they slid through her throat, but Mary-Esther asked her question through the pain nonetheless.

M - Who... are you?

Scarlett lost her strange smile. She seemed pained.

S - So you don’t remember me? You forgot...

Scarlett seemed to suffer greatly for a moment, then sighing as if that was something she should have expected, and finally thinking about how to react. She rapidly found a solution.

S - My name is Scarlett... You don’t look like my name reminds you of anything... Then what of this?

Blue rose.

Something twitched inside of her.

S - Ah. It seems you remembered something there. I should have guessed...

M - No I... I feel weird really, and my mind is hazy. I don’t really remember.

S - You do look shabby. It may be home now, but don’t let this place get the upper hand over you...

M - This place... What is this place?

S - Oh goodness... You really have nothing left after all this time? Then at least I should warn you about some of the dangers that lie in the shadows of this wolf...

~

Mary-Esther looked at her with worry. What could be so awful and hiding out there?

She was still bewildered at how unreal and still familiar this place felt for her.

Scarlett told her something she barely heard, mind wandering off again. She understood that she would find a room for herself to sleep in, in the wagon behind. She would be able to find everything she needs around there.

But mostly she warned her, although in a cryptic way.

S - When the light of day is gone, when darkness comes, then the nightmarish things haunting this place do so as well...

These words gave her another shiver, reminding her of a song she heard before. Something she had been scared of in her childhood perhaps.

When the light of sun is entirely gone, the essence of your nightmares gains life.

And fear how they are wild...

They know your hopes, your fears, all that you hide and all that is frail to you.

They only want to control, to commander your body, your soul, and swallow you...

From the tallest spires to the prettier of flowers, nothing will last.

Everything you love will eventually wilt and die...

Mary-Esther could remember a song or tale like that. One she didn’t like.

And now in front of her, even the confident Scarlet looked spooked of what she implied.

There was something scary for her happening at night. Something she would try her best to avoid, and wouldn’t curse even on Esther.

And given how she looked uneasy merely giving her advice, Scarlett was probably offering it from real experience. Something awful that would come at night.

Mary-Esther felt again the painful impression that she’d been trapped, caught in a hazardous place. With that revolting sensation she could not escape that awful fate of hers.

Despite the fact that she could still make her own intelligent own choices, she felt tied up against everything there.

A stream, facing the unknown. And now warned about other things swimming in it.

~

She realised a moment later that Scarlett was gone. She too had left the wagon, taking the road to the next one in the back like Elise before.

Where their rooms for them seemed to be.

She looked around herself again, finding that loneliness in that messy restaurant room now odd.

After waiting a few more minutes alone, trying to figure out anything sensible at all, she realised she wasn’t able to think properly or to focus anymore. As if she had been sleep depraved for days.

Was the ceiling pink?

She thought she needed to end this day and find a place to rest safely before she would collapse again. She began leaving toward hopefully that.

Finding another heavy door quite like the others, she opened it.

Behind the airlock of a few steps to accommodate the width of the wagons, she found herself in the last wagon again.

Because she didn’t know how many wagons they were to compose this dragon of a train, and noticed no clear indication differentiating them, she decided to call this one the first one from there on.

The first wagon held rooms on this floor.

She found the same corridors as before, only it was another level as before, when she was abandoned.

The first rooms on her side had no number this time however, but pictograms portraying a bathroom instead.

The doors were unlocked when she checked.

Further down the corridor by the windows, Mary-Esther found a room that was reasonably set for her.

She felt as if she was entering an hotel room while on a journey abroad, knowing it had been well prepared and dusted ahead of her arrival. These impressions weren’t like belonging nonetheless.

The room was well made and plain, with nothing worth noticing aside the size and height of the bed.

It felt appealing brushing the blanket with her fingertips, gazing at the lost deep pink of its knit.

All she wanted now was to forget how cold and pained she had felt lately.

Behind was a small desk with a small lamp attached to the wall above it. Not much else. Not quite a cell, but not quite a home either.

Mary-Esther was feeling thirsty, but not like she had the energy to return to the lavatories anymore.

Too burnt, she simply went to lie on the bed to shut her eyes and forget.

~

She was feeling sicker than ever.

She was alone, with all the weight that this word would now carry. Had it been a day already?

She wasn’t sure, but it felt at least as much. As if she’d been waking from one dream to the next and losing track of time. But it hadn’t felt long enough to become a week of misery and hunger.

She couldn’t remember anymore, realizing something was broken and she had to work her way around it.

Her memory was feeling hazier with each passing hour in that place...

She couldn’t recollect ever meeting Elise and Scarlett before, even though she felt she already knew them.

Blue rose triggered something however. Something clicked inside of her, even though she couldn’t recall yet what it was. She had definitely known something about it before.

Something important to her.

One thing that might help her making sense of what she now felt.

Whispering the two words like a spell, trying to resurrect a forgotten memory, she followed in slumber.

~