Chapter 17:

17 ~ 30th of January 1921 ~ Skuld

Blue Rose α

(Elise)

Mary,

No matter how much Rose may love you, we love you as much.

We’ve always been a little jealous of her. Because she was older, because she seemed smarter, because she was there before us.

Because mom gave that doll to her. We knew that doll meant the world to our mother. It was the proof of love between our parents, their holy ring. They gave it to their first adopted child rather than us. We felt bitter.

Even though our mother was only trying to be kind to all of us. As Rose tried in her clumsy ways, but still we grew jealous of her.

And because she’s always seemed so much kinder with you, you grew to love her back even more than us. Maybe you didn’t know. Maybe blood doesn’t matter.

We couldn’t act as sweetly as her, but we love you at least as much as her. It was painful to realise that you would never see that.

You preferred her because she seemed nicer. In the end you liked her even more than your true sisters. You would never see us... You would never remember us... You were smart when you wanted to be, but ever so forgetful with the simplest of things. And we saw how much we became like thin air to you over time. Everyone but her.

After dad passed away, we were all as sad as each other. And she naturally gave you the precious doll.

You should have seen your smile that day.

Our father was already forgotten, and once again you had eyes only for her.

While you were living in your dream, we were becoming outcasts, left behind.

You were going to grow even further in denying us. Worse than the last, we wouldn’t be anyone known to you anymore at some point. Can you imagine how awful it felt for us? To see you, the one we loved so much, growing every day more distant, to the point we knew that someday, you wouldn’t remember us at all!

You two were erasing us.

And she gave you that doll... It was like a bewitching spell, a ring to bind you away from us...

No matter what we did, we couldn’t prevent you from drifting away from us.

When Rose wasn’t there, you were sad as if there was no one else in the world but her. And then you kept dragging that filthy old doll all the time along to reassure yourself. When Rose was away, you felt more comforted by it than us!

You were always together. If not with Rose, then with Esther... Not us, never us. We never truly meant anything to you.

Scarlett and I, we cried about it. We drank over it; we tried to get away, more or less successfully. I’m finding my way out of this family, but it will be harder for her.

We were so angry against the both of you. You broke our hearts so many times, repeatedly, mercilessly...

And yet we wouldn’t learn that you didn’t care. So we kept trying to get closer to you.

Because even though you broke our hearts, we always, always loved you. And we would do anything for you Blue.

In the end sadly, it meant in a way giving up on you.

You will never be normal. And you will never love or remember us.

What could we do? What could we do to mean something nice that sticks to you? What could we do to help you? Either to overcome your sickness, or more simply to become happy?

You know, even mom feels like we did at times. Helpless and left behind.

Writing this letter was her idea.

She suggested us this solution and the only way we could figure out for you to remember that we even existed, and that we loved you.

A tale that would speak to you, one that you would remember as we tie it around the one from the doll.

Because that’s the kind of things that also means something to you. To make ourselves a part of it.

We saw how sad you, or even Rose really, were without each other. Esther prevented you from crying all day, but that wasn’t enough in your situation.

We chose to rewrite the meaning of the blue rose and promise to the doll, from us to you. That spell recipe was meant to give you hope, and something from us you might be able to remember.

That dream of a flower and promise of love, that granted wish to see something impossible come to fruition.

To put it in a nutshell, it meant giving you the soothing dream of hope. From us all and for you. Mom liked the idea of the recipe with a part of each of us inside. Scarlett understood quicker than me why she was thrilled about it.

Because more than a child’s play about a promise, or wedding vows derived from what the doll had meant for our parents, setting that tale for you meant something else.

Had it remained only between you two, it would just be the promise to love each other. But as we made it come from us, it meant something beyond that. It’s not just about you two alone in the world.

It meant that we accepted that love we couldn’t understand between you, and chose to root for you. It meant that we forgave you all the pain you’ve caused us, both of you...

No matter how little we were for your eyes, no matter how much we suffered because of you, we still loved you dearly. We kept loving her like a sister too...

We’ve lived miserable lives aside from you... And despite how much painful it was, we chose to accept how you two were, and to be rooting that blue rose too.

So this recipe means more than hope of requited love.

I hope you joyfully will thrive forward.

That blue rose bud was because of our love to you.

Please, don’t forget us...

Elise H.

(Esther)

My final thoughts.

Now I remember that song I was named after...

And I remember the different kinds of love I received, and gave to my last owners. It kept me moving.

Even though I was naught but a strange dream.

I will never be.

I hope I wasn’t the prelude to a tragedy. I sacrificed my dream for theirs. I might have changed something real, helping a blue rose to be.