I Groomed My Classmate (It’s Not What You’re Thinking)

Being trapped in Cleansuke's body meant adhering to its relentless cleaning schedule, which began at the ungodly hour of 5 AM.

"Look at that shine!" My robotic voice chirped automatically. I wanted to bang my head - or whatever passed for it now - against the spotless glass.

A familiar voice caught my audio sensors. Around the corner, I spotted my body - Cleansuke - talking to Yuriko Tsukumo. I'd never spoken to her before, but I knew she sat two rows behind me in class.

I inched closer, my cleaning protocols letting me "dust" the nearby bulletin board while I eavesdropped.

"Um, Tanaka-san? About yesterday... did the Headmaster ask anything... strange?"

Cleansuke gave a mechanical head tilt. "The Headmaster performed standard Gogo brain scan protocols. Analysis revealed no suspicious data. Only cleaning schedules, recycling protocols, and optimal chair arrangement patterns were detected."

I froze mid-dust. The Headmaster had scanned my Gogo brain? But since Cleansuke was in my body...

Yuriko's shoulders relaxed. "Oh thank goodness. I was worried she might have found..."

"Found what?" My body leaned forward. "Shall I analyze your stress levels? My sensors indicate elevated heart rate and facial temperature."

"I-it's nothing!" Yuriko backed into the wall. A stray lock of her chestnut hair had fallen loose from her messy side braid.

"Hair particle distribution sub-optimal." My body's hands moved to Yuriko's braid. "Implementing emergency grooming sequence."

I wanted to short-circuit myself as my fingers began meticulously rebraiding Yuriko's hair.

"Your ribbon shows signs of wear. Allow me to adjust the structural integrity."

"I... um..." Yuriko's eyes went wide as my body leaned even closer, yellow eyes focused on the pastel ribbon with laser-like intensity.

"Temperature rising to concerning levels." Cleansuke pressed my hand against Yuriko's forehead. "Recommended course of action: cold compress and proper ventilation. Shall I escort you to the nurse's office?"

"N-no! I mean... I have to... somewhere else!" Yuriko stumbled backward, nearly tripping herself. Her face was practically glowing red now. "Thank you…!"

She spun around and sprinted down the hallway, her newly-perfect braid swinging behind her.

"Return confirmed successful. Maintenance complete."

I watched my body enter the empty classroom, already dreading what would happen next.

"Initiating desk inspection sequence. Checking for non-regulation items and debris."

When Cleansuke reached Yuriko's desk, it paused.

"Anomaly detected." Cleansuke crouched down, examining the underside of her desk. "Hidden compartment identified. Non-standard storage location requires investigation."

I perked up. Having read more than my share of contraband materials, I knew exactly where students hid things in their desks. Sure enough, my hands extracted a thin book from a cleverly concealed slot.

"Object classification incomplete. Paper-based entertainment medium. Contents... undefined. No cleaning category available."

I recognized the cover instantly - Lonely Bench Love. I'd managed to hack into the Puri Puri government's banned materials database to read it last month. The story of the tomboy falling for the shy girl had stuck with me.

"Processing..." Cleansuke flipped through the pages with mechanical precision. "Contains illustrated human interactions. Purpose unclear. Social optimization protocols not found."

A snort escaped my robot speakers before I could stop it. Of course Cleansuke couldn't comprehend what it was holding. Its cleaning protocols probably didn't include "what to do when finding gay romance."

"Item requires further analysis." Cleansuke started to tuck the doujin into my uniform pocket.

If I still had a heart, it would have stopped. No way was I letting Cleansuke walk around with that. What if someone saw? What if it showed the Headmaster during another brain scan?

I jerked forward to stop my body from pocketing Yuriko's doujin, but the classroom door slid open. Students poured in, chattering and dropping their bags at their desks.

"Morning cleaning complete." Cleansuke straightened up, the doujin now hidden in my uniform. "Proceeding to next scheduled location."

I tried to squeeze through the crowd of legs, my robot form bumping into ankles. "Excuse me! Important cleaning required!" My speakers blared automatically.

"Aw, look at Cleansuke being all dutiful!" Someone patted my metal head.

By the time I broke free, my body was already striding down the hallway. I activated my wheels, zooming after it.

"Warning: excessive speed detected!" My systems protested.

"Override!" I growled, but Cleansuke's safety protocols kicked in, forcing me to slow down at every corner.

Cleansuke marched toward the gym, following my class schedule with terrifying precision. The doujin peeked from my pocket with each step.

"Caution: wet floor ahead!" My speakers announced as I approached a freshly mopped section. My wheels locked up completely.

"No, no, no!" I fought the programming, watching helplessly as my body disappeared around the corner. A mop bucket blocked my path, probably left by another cleaning robot.

"Initiating alternate route calculation," my system chirped. By the time I found another way around, my body would be changing for PE class.

With that banned doujin in my pocket.

In the girls' locker room.