Touch My Food and I’ll Short-Circuit Your-

I tried to follow Cleansuke and Reiko, but my cleaning protocols kicked in when I spotted some gum wrappers near the gym entrance. By the time I finished, they were long gone.

"Must... reach... nurse's office..." I fought against my programming as more cleaning tasks popped up. A crooked poster here, dusty windowsill there. It was torture watching my body disappear around corners while I was stuck tidying.

Finally breaking free of my duties, I rolled toward the nurse's office. That's when I spotted Yuriko pressed against the doorway, her face bright red as she peeked through the crack.

"Oh my..." she whispered, fumbling for her notebook. "This is perfect material for chapter seven..."

I nudged closer to see what caught Yuriko's interest. Through the gap, I saw my body hovering over Reiko on one of the beds. Cleansuke had pinned her wrists above her head while checking her pulse.

"Your heart rate remains irregular. Perhaps we should conduct additional tests?"

"T-Tanaka-san!" Reiko squirmed. "This really isn't necessary!"

"Negative. Proper medical procedure requires thorough examination." Cleansuke leaned closer, probably trying to check her temperature, but the angle made it look like...

Yuriko's pencil scratched frantically. "The cool delinquent reveals her tender side while caring for the elegant student council president... Their eyes meet in a charged moment as-"

I bumped against her leg, trying to stop this disaster, but she just absentmindedly patted my head while continuing to write.

"Stay still. This will only take 47.3 seconds."

"That's not the problem!" Reiko's face matched her gym shorts. "Someone could see-"

"Temperature scan indicates mild fever. Initiating cooling protocol."

Reiko's gaze drifted toward the door. Her eyes widened when she spotted Yuriko furiously taking notes.

"This isn't- I wasn't-"

Reiko shoved my body back with surprising strength, scrambling off the bed. She bolted past Yuriko, nearly knocking over her in her panic. Her footsteps echoed down the hall as she fled.

Cleansuke then makes direct eye contact with Yuriko. "Patient has escaped before treatment completion. Most inefficient."

Yuriko froze like a deer in headlights, her notebook clutched to her chest.

"I... um... research! For science!" Yuriko spun on her heel and sprinted away.

"Multiple subjects displaying erratic behavior," Cleansuke noted, straightening my uniform. "Perhaps a school-wide wellness check is in order."

The lunch bell rang. I watched Cleansuke march through the halls, following my daily schedule to a T.

"Gomi Ushikuso. Location: Class 2-B. Lunch companion: Affirmative."

Cleansuke zipped past bewildered students, making perfect 90-degree turns at each corner. When Cleansuke spotted Gomi lounging outside her classroom, it executed a perfect stop exactly three feet away.

"Greetings, designated lunch companion."

Gomi's grass fell from her mouth. "Oh hey... uh, Shiku. You're looking... extra organized today."

"Your posture indicates severe spinal misalignment. Shall I adjust?" Cleansuke reached for Gomi's shoulders.

"Whoa there!" Gomi jumped back. "I'm good, totally good. So... cafeteria?"

"Negative. Weather conditions are optimal for outdoor dining. Schedule indicates northwest courtyard, bench three."

"Right... because that's totally where we always eat." Gomi stifled a laugh. "Lead the way, buddy."

I followed them to the courtyard, watching Cleansuke position my body at exactly 90 degrees on the bench while Gomi slouched beside Cleansuke.

"Your lunch contains approximately 47% more sodium than recommended daily intake," Cleansuke announced, examining Gomi as he opens his bento. "Shall I dispose of the excess?"

"Touch my food and I'll short-circuit your- I mean, no thanks, Shiku. I like my sodium just fine."

"Very well. Though your choice is highly inefficient." Cleansuke produced a perfectly arranged bento. "Would you prefer a portion of my nutritionally optimized meal?"

It then meticulously arranged my chopsticks at perfect angles. The banned doujin still bulged from my uniform pocket.

I nudged Gomi's foot, jerking my robotic head toward the pocket. She squinted at me, then went back to stuffing rice in her mouth.

I rammed her ankle harder.

"Ow! What the- oh." Her eyes finally locked onto the book. "Hey, uh, Shiku? Is that a new manga in your pocket?"

"Negative. This item requires proper classification before storage." Cleansuke pulled out Lonely Bench Love. "Current analysis suggests educational material."

"Educational? Let me see that-" Gomi reached for it, but Cleansuke shifted away.

"Item must first be sanitized and cataloged. Contains concerning levels of dust particles."

"Come on, sharing is caring!" Gomi lunged across my body, but Cleansuke simply stood up, holding the book overhead.

"Physical contact detected. Initiating personal space protocol."

"Just give me the stupid book!" Gomi jumped, arms flailing.

"Your behavior suggests high stress levels. Would you like to hear a calming cleaning melody?"

My body started humming the tune it uses while mopping floors. Students turned to stare as Gomi hopped around like a deranged rabbit while Cleansuke dodged.

"Perhaps deep breathing exercises-"

"Forget breathing!" Gomi grabbed my uniform ribbon. "Hand it over!"

"Warning: uniform dishevelment detected."

Cleansuke spun away from Gomi's grasp, tucking the doujin into my inside pocket. It then proceeded to straighten its ribbon while Gomi face-planted into the bench.

"May I suggest anger management techniques? I know several effective methods for releasing tension through proper organization."

Before Gomi could make another attempt at the doujin, I spotted Nezumi marching across the courtyard. Strange - she usually stuck to her clique's designated lunch spot near the cherry trees.

Her face was flushed. When she reached our bench, she locked eyes with Cleansuke.

"Gomi-san, can I borrow Tanaka-san for a moment?"

"Actually, we were kind of in the middle of-"

But Nezumi had already grabbed my arm, dragging my body away. Cleansuke, programmed to follow preset paths, stumbled like a malfunctioning wind-up toy.

"Irregular movement pattern detected. Recalibrating stride length-"

Nezumi yanked harder. "Just come with me!"