Shopping for Plungers

Nezumi practically floated away, humming what sounded suspiciously like Dai-Bōku’s battle theme. Cleansuke gave a perfect 90-degree bow before turning towards the school exit.

"Must follow daily schedule. Destination: Convenience store. Purpose: Dinner procurement."

We headed downtown, with myself following close behind. My cleaning protocols kept trying to redirect me to sweep the street, but I fought them off. Had to stay focused. Had to make sure Cleansuke didn't do anything else weird with my body.

The convenience store's neon signs flickered to life just as we approached. Through the wide front windows, I spotted something that made my circuits spark - a promotional display for limited edition wafers. But not just any wafers. Each came with an exclusive rubber keychain of Mecha-Baka mascots. Mecha-Baka isn’t just my favorite manga— it’s my all-time favorite.

My mechanical eye zoomed in automatically, scanning the display. Only ten wafers left.

I'd been trying to complete this collection for weeks. My room back home had a whole shelf dedicated to these mascot keychains. But between Dai-Bōku and school, I'd missed every store release.

Now here I was, watching as Cleansuke guided my actual body right past the display without a second glance. The betrayal of it all! Those keychains were essential collector's items!

"Priority: Cup noodles. Secondary objective: Liquids," my voice droned as Cleansuke headed straight for the instant food aisle.

I pressed against the window. Come on, me! Look at the display! The keychains are right there!

I scanned the area, looking for potential solutions. That's when I spotted it - a discarded receipt near the wafer display. My cleaning protocols kicked in immediately.

"Foreign object detected. Initiating cleanup sequence."

I zipped toward the paper, my mechanical legs carrying me past startled customers. But instead of grabbing it, I deliberately knocked into the display stand. The wafers shifted precariously.

Cleansuke emerged from the instant noodle aisle. Its head snapped toward the wobbling display.

"Hazardous condition detected. Immediate intervention required."

Cleansuke marched over, cup noodles tucked under one arm. It began reorganizing the wafers, arranging them by package weight and structural integrity. In the process, one pack naturally made its way into the shopping basket.

Perfect. Now for checkout-

My body suddenly froze mid-step. I spotted what had caught Cleansuke's attention - a familiar tall figure in an oversized hoodie, poorly concealed behind the magazine rack.

"Kuromiya-san detected. Unusual behavior pattern identified."

Reiko jumped, nearly knocking over the rack. Her hand shot out, grabbing the nearest item - a plunger.

"Oh! Tanaka-san! What a coincidence. I was just... shopping for..."

"Analysis: Plunger inappropriate for apartment complex with automated waste management. Current residence equipped with self-cleaning facilities."

Reiko's face flushed as she glanced at the plunger in her hand. "Well, you never know when you might need..."

"Additional analysis: Third consecutive day of surveillance at this location. Pattern suggests predetermined intent rather than random encounter."

"I wasn't..." Reiko's shoulders slumped. She put the plunger back. "Fine. I wanted to talk to you. About yesterday. And the day before. And basically everything since you started acting like... well, this."

"Query: Why avoid school environment for conversation?"

"Because… Everyone's always watching you now. The perfect posture, the cleaning, the way you carried me to the nurse's office... Do you know how many rumors are flying around? I couldn't just walk up to you with everyone staring!"

"Solution: Current location provides 47% less efficient communication environment than school grounds. Recommendation: Schedule proper meeting during-"

"No! No scheduling! I just... Look, I never got to properly thank you. For carrying me to the nurse's office." The words tumbled out like she couldn't get rid of them fast enough. She stared at her feet. "Even though it was totally unnecessary and embarrassing and everyone's still talking about it..."

"Gratitude acknowledged. Action necessary due to potential heat exhaustion symptoms."

"And... um..." Reiko's voice dropped to barely above a whisper. "About the cosplay thing... What do you... I mean, what did you think about that?"

Oh boy, here it comes. Cleansuke was about to say something weird and-

"Analysis complete: Cosplay activities demonstrate exceptional creative capacity and technical skill. Engineering of props shows particular promise. Conclusion: Cool."

Reiko's head snapped up so fast I thought she'd hurt herself. "Cool? You really think it's... cool?"

"Affirmative. Technical specifications of last costume showed innovative use of recycled components. Particularly impressed by LED integration in-"

"You noticed that?" The change in Reiko was instant. She pulled out her phone. "I actually have some designs I've been working on. There's this new material I found that could revolutionize how we do armor pieces..."

Cleansuke analyzed Reiko's phone screen.

"Structural integrity could improve by 27% through implementation of honeycomb support pattern. Suggestion: incorporate cleaning robot joint mechanisms for enhanced flexibility."

"That's brilliant!" Reiko's eyes sparkled as she furiously typed notes. "I've been struggling with the shoulder pieces for weeks. They keep breaking during fight scene photoshoots."

"Additional recommendation: utilize cafeteria tray material. High durability, low weight, excellent heat resistance. Currently being phased out of school inventory."

"Wait, really?" She grabbed my body's sleeve. "Could you get me some? I mean... oh god. I can't believe I'm asking about cafeteria trays for cosplay. In a convenience store."

"Query: Why display distress? Craftsmanship shows exceptional merit."

"You don't understand." Reiko shrinks back into her oversized hoodie. "I've never told anyone about this. Not my family, not my classmates. Nobody knows I'm MoeMaster7000."

"The Kuromiya name means something," she continued, voice barely above a whisper. "Perfect grades, perfect behavior, perfect future CEO. Can you imagine what would happen if people found out I spend my weekends dressed as magical girls and mechas?"

"Analysis: Current behavior patterns indicate significant stress from maintaining dual identities. Solution: Be MoeMaster7000."

Reiko blinked. "What?"

"Be MoeMaster7000."

"Be... MoeMaster7000?" 

"Affirmative. Technical analysis indicates superior performance in both academic and creative pursuits. No logical reason for separation of identities."

"But my family..."

"Query: Does cosplay interfere with academic excellence?"

"No, actually..."

"Then correlation suggests positive impact. Logical conclusion: Continue both pursuits."

A sound escaped Reiko's lips - something of a laugh. She clapped her hand over her mouth, but another one followed. And another. Soon she was giggling, her shoulders shaking as she tried to contain it.

I'd never heard Reiko giggle before. In all my years at Sukina High, I'd only ever seen her perfect, composed smile as the student council president. But this? This was real. This was Reiko Kuromiya actually laughing.

Whatever Cleansuke was doing with my body right now, whatever weird robot logic it was using... it was working. It was reaching Reiko in a way I never could have.