The worst kind of cliche

As I sped away, course markers indicated the way, but since I didn't quite have the steering down on this thing, I ended up getting pinballed around the barriers. It didn't hurt, but it sure was getting me motion sick.

"Looks like our newbie's having some trouble, who wants to make this more interesting and open up a shortcut for her?" Flora asked the crowd.

I couldn't hear or see the crowd, but I guess they managed to cheer enough to open up a shortcut, or maybe Flora was just taking pity. Anyway, I could now go straight, and as I crossed into what I presumed to be a new portion of the track, I got a notice stating I was in 1st.

A little much, but things got hectic as Irina, Jade, and Worm came speeding up behind me.

"Hey! No Fair! Why'd you get the shortcut!?" Irina fumed.

"WAR! Worm's at WAR!"

"I made peace with you!"

"This is different battlefield!"

"As he said. Irina, I still haven't forgiven you for subjecting me to that humiliation. I can't so my face without someone asking me to do the cheer, and worse, the whole arena won't stop chanting those cheers every time I fight!" Jade fumed.

"Blame Hana, not me."

I wanted to smack Irina as Jade quickly diverted her attention to me, slamming up against the side of my ride.

"Hana Hangetsu, I'll beat you here and regain my honor!"

"What honor!? You're a natural cheerleader!"

"I- It's humiliating!"

And as we bantered all according to plan, Irina slipped on by as Worm rammed into us like a bowling ball, sending me and Jade bouncing around. I swear, this is like some kind of deranged water racing video game.

As I got back on track, I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Meredith had made it to the shortcut, still slowly churning along. I swear, she better not end up winning this or I'll be pissed. That kind of cliche is the type I hate the most!

Continuing onward, I got a scare as the water suddenly began rising into the sky along with me.

"Fear not, this is fairly normal. In fact, sky swimming's a popular sport," Selena smiled as she whizzed past me.

"Sky swimming"!? Ugh, not the time to pop stuff like that in my mind. I'm in the middle of a race dammit. Though it feels more like I'm being lapped as not only did Al pass me, but so did Annie and Dick. Though I at least remained close of the latter two. One goof opportunity and maybe I could pass them, but I could never seem to catch them.

"Get lost ya fleabag!" Annie fumed as her head itself began to blink like a light bulb.

"You don't even have hair to scratch!" Dick fired back.

"HUH!? Fleas bite the skin!"

"Fleas are extinct!"

"I always itch around you. Get em, Cousin Somthin!"

A hairy blue ape wearing a cowboy hat suddenly popped out of Annie's pod, and began screaming inaudible gibberish as it flung itself at Dick's pod.

"Keep your Toxosquatch to yourself! Neil Mumbles! Splat him!" Dick yelled as a small bald man with a curly mustache popped out of the back of his pod and mumbled something before launching himself at the ape.

The two collided, both letting out audible grunts as the fell back towards me. Luckily, they just bounced off my giant pod, landing in the water behind. Through my rear-view holographic screen, I could see the two just floating there as if they were dead.

And just as I began worrying about the two, Delina plowed through them, sending them flying off into the sky.

"And the squatch n' dastardly midget are down n' out. Won't be seeing them used as weapons anymore in this race," Flora's voice rang out.

WEAPONS!? What kind of wacky race is this supposed to be anyway!? At least it appears that those two are being ferried to the ground safely by the gravity, so hopefully they're both fine. I should probably worry more about myself as not only are Delina and Suzie closing in behind me, but Jade's continuing to ram me from the side and the path before us is dipping down straight into a sinkhole in the ocean. I guess this is why they call it the Sea-sky-floor course.

I couldn't help but let out a scream as I plummeted downward, but when I landed, I became completely wowed by the undersea scenery. It was like being at one of those aquarium caves that you could walk through, except this was the drive-through version.

"You sure got time to be wowed. Well, good news for me," Delina smirked as she shifted a gear, blasting the William Tell Overture from her speaker as she sped past with Suzie close behind.

"You can't beat the power of music!" Suzie called back as her and Delina quickly began to vanish from my sights.

Seriously, is my continental cruiser to blame for why I'm getting passed by everyone!? Jade's the only one not passing me, but that's because she'd rather ram me. Seriously, how do I speed this thing up!?

As if it could read my mind, the pod's main screen suddenly displayed a "boost blaster" option which I clicked without hesitation. I should have known better as I felt things whirring by so fast it felt like my skin was going to be blown off. But this seemed to be working as I left Jade behind and managed to catch Delina and Suzie, plowing them out of the way. Next was Dick and Annie. Plowed like snow in winter.

"Whoa, whoa, who said beginner's luck was allowed!?" Al cried as I caught him, sending him flying away.

"WAR!" Worm shouted as he attempted to ram me.

"Sorry buddy, but this time I'm the cue stick, and you're the billiard ball," I said as just like a billiard ball, Worm's asteroid pod went flying, bouncing around the edges like a pinball.

Ugh, maybe I should have thought of a better one-liner, but I was proud of that line, dammit! He rammed us like a bowling ball and- Ugh, it's better if I don't think of the finer details. And you know what, billiard balls bounce around the edges of the pool table so my one-liner isn't the wrong one!

And in the time I was internally agonizing over that trivial matter, I caught up to Selina and Irina with the finish line seemingly in sight.

"Oh, finally found the boost blaster button," Irina snickered as I pulled even with her and Selena.

"My, what beginner's luck, but it ends here," Selena smiled as her pod began to glow.

Now in better sunlight, I was able to see that her pod was not just a pod, but an entirely clear fighter jet complete with turbo boosters. That sneaky vixen! I thought she was racing in the basic pod the whole time!

But something went wrong as Selena suddenly began tilting into me, sending me, her and Irina spiraling towards a randomly floating buoy. Worse, we all appeared to be unable to move, meaning anyone could just pass us by and win.

"And they're out! Now just one remains!" Flora announced.

Only ONE!? No, it better not be!

But sure enough, there came Meredith churning along visibly elated that she was going to win in such fashion.

"Serves ya right for shaving me bald! Payback's a bitch, ain't it!"

"That's my line! And that was payback for you tricking me into getting shave AND waxed bald!" I shouted back.

"Well who's gonna win!? You or me!?"

That bitch! I'll never forgive her.

As Meredith inched closer and closer to the goal, I desperately began smacking everything in hopes of triggering another boost blaster, but nothing. Meredith was going to win.

"And we have a winner! Selena Salamandra!"

HUH!?

We all zeroed in on Selena, who simply smiled. It was later revealed that her invisible craft had an extended crane hook, which just managed to reach the finish line a millisecond before Meredith's pod could cross it.

You know what, I think it would have been better if Meredith won. This is more bullshit than that cliche I hate so much!