How to Raise a Boring Algorithm

"Alright, Nexi. Start the override!" Mira's excitement shone through even in her hushed tone, her rose-shaped hair ornament pulsing faintly with each word. The discreet communication device linked her directly to the robot hidden away in the control room—a room that had been far too easy to access.

The venue buzzed with quiet anticipation as participants mingled, waiting for the event to begin. Ren and Mira stood in the center, their attention fixed on the large display overhead, which showcased a sleek promotional graphic for the matchmaking event.

"I must emphasize," Nexi's voice transmitted clearly through Mira’s rose, "tampering with C.U.P.I.D.'s matchmaking algorithm may yield unintended consequences."

"This isn't tampering; it's improvement," Mira replied, brushing off the concern. "We scaled it back, remember? Just enough to inject a little excitement."

"Thanks to Mr. Ren's risk assessment," Nexi added, "we’ve at least minimized the chance of alerting the authorities."

Ren’s left ear piercing had been swapped for a blue pulsing insert, allowing him to join the conversation. "Yeah, ‘toppling the city’s premiere matchmaking event’ didn’t sound like a low-key night." He kept his tone low.

“Leaving love in the hands of some calculating algorithm just seems wasteful… But, maybe I got a little ahead of myself.” Mira playfully knocked on her head. “Adding a little spontaneity to this event should be enough for now, I guess.”

The matchmaking event, a staple of the city, paired participants using an advanced AI algorithm. The cozy venue—adorned with mood lighting, comfy sofas and filled with small tables for two—exuded charm. The soft hum of “classical” music was calming, but Ren couldn’t help but notice how it contrasted the chaos Mira was likely about to unleash.

“I still got a bad feeling about this…” Ren said.

The display shifted to a simulated woman’s face, her serene features animating as she addressed the room in a soothing tone. “Thank you for your patience. Compatibility analysis is now complete. Pairings will be displayed momentarily.”

“Alright, Nexi, inject the 'Random Spark Generator,’” Mira said.

"Override complete. Programming installation... complete," Nexi confirmed.

The display froze momentarily along with the simulated woman’s voice before a subtle flicker made it continue. “Please pair with your assigned partner as displayed.”

“Did it work?” Mira glanced around.

“Guess we’re about to find out,” Ren said.

As holographic numbers flickered to life above participants' heads, they moved toward their matched partners, and when face to face, the numbers shifted to a percentage showing their compatibility. 

Murmurs of confusion rippled through the crowd.

"Is this right?"

"Our compatibility is so low. How are we matched?"

Mira’s number appeared above her head, matching Ren’s. They both stared as their compatibility percentage steadily decreased, finally settling at 12%.

"It matched us even with that low score… It worked!" Mira beamed, bouncing slightly on her heels.

Ren arched an eyebrow. "Guess this thing’s got some accuracy after all."

Mira gave him a playful nudge. "Oh? Were you hoping for a higher percentage?"

He scoffed. "I was hoping for a zero." Ren glanced around at the various compatibility numbers the others showed. “But, considering we have the lowest out of everyone, it’s not too bad.”

“Love isn’t something you can quantify,” Mira said. “That’s what the algorithm was missing—unpredictability.”

The algorithmic A.I, Cupid’s voice echoed through the simulated woman. “Pairing complete. We will now commence the first activity.”

Participants shuffled nervously as couples were instructed to introduce themselves. Mira’s excitement was undeterred, but Ren's skeptical gaze scanned the room.

He sighed. “I still can’t believe that we’re taking part in this as well.”

“We have to see everything firsthand!” Mira grinned.

“Well, at least I’ll get to witness the fallout.”

“You mean the unexpected connections, right?”

Ren shrugged. “If that’s what you wanna call it.”

Couples scattered about the venue. Some sat at the sleek tables and cozy sofas. Others stood next to each other in awkward silence. In one corner, a stoic man tried to handle the rapid-fire chatter of his bubbly partner. Another couple got into a heated debate about pineapple on pizza. It seemed even 200 years later the pineapple haters wouldn’t admit defeat.

Meanwhile, one unlucky participant’s partner excused themselves to the bathroom and never returned. Maybe they got isekai’d?

Ren smirked. "It’s like they’re made for each other."

“Give it time.” Mira stood tall with a proud smile.

The night continued with more simple icebreakers and activities that the mismatched couples awkwardly partook in. But the calm was short-lived. Cupid’s soothing voice began to glitch, its pleasing simulated face freezing mid-sentence. The lighting flickered erratically, and the room fell silent.

“That’s not good,” Ren muttered.

Mira pressed a finger to her rose ornament. “Nexi, what’s happening?”

"C.U.P.I.D. is struggling to integrate the new program. It may be best to continue as usual to avoid triggering further system alerts."

Ren raised a finger but just when he was about to make a sarcastic remark, Mira’s piercing glare cut it off.

The AI managed to stabilize long enough to announce the next activity: “Tell your partner your deepest secret.”

The couples seemed hesitant but most continued anyway. Some confessed they still slept with a night light, some confessed that they’ve never kissed before. And others confessed secrets that would’ve been best to have remained secrets…

Ren grimaced. “Do people from the future just not have filters for their thoughts?”

“Hey, a little awkwardness never hurt anyone.” Mira gave a nervous chuckle.

They sat across from each other on a small table. Ren leaned forward, smirking. “Well?”

“W-What?”

“You heard Cupid.” He gave a mischievous grin. “And you said yourself we had to participate in this, so..”

Mira fidgeted under his gaze. “F-Fine,” she stammered.

Wait. Is she actually gonna do it?

“Sometimes, late at night... when no one’s around...”

“Uh, wait—”

“I like to read naughty romance novels!” Mira shut her eyes.

Ren burst into laughter. “And here I thought you were gonna confess something way more inappropriate!”

“W-What were you expecting?” Mira’s face flushed.

“Oh, nothing,” Ren said, suddenly avoiding eye contact.

“You perv!” Mira steamed at the realization of what it might’ve been. “Well now it’s your turn.” But before she could press him further, Cupid interrupted with the next activity.

Safe! Finally, Ren understood the joys of a baseball player.

The night continued with more wacky activities and icebreakers. A woman in the corner turned bright red as she handed her partner a microphone, ready for their impromptu karaoke duet. She was clearly mortified, but her partner—unfazed—picked up the mic and began to belt out a ridiculous ballad, earning a few chuckles from the crowd. Small groups formed with Spin the Bottle and slaps rang out in the venue. Luckily, it never landed on Ren and Mira. The chaos continued and even Mira’s stubborn enthusiasm began to wane as participants grew visibly frustrated.

Ren nudged her, pointing out a possible small success. In the corner, a couple who’d been awkwardly forced to dance now stood talking quietly, their earlier embarrassment forgotten in the quiet exchange of personal stories.

But just as a faint smile began to return to Mira’s face, the holographic compatibility scores began to flicker erratically with percentages fluctuating, and pairings randomly swapped. The crowd grew restless.

“Why am I now paired with my brother?” One woman shrieked.

The venue descended into chaos as Cupid’s voice stammered incoherently. The music skipped different genres from metal to country, the mood lighting became a disco, and then everything plunged into darkness.

Exasperated breaths and quiet murmurs echoed through the venue. After a tense silence, one man randomly yelled out, “Don’t touch me, I’m sterile!” and the display lit up with the words "Reboot in progress." A loading bar quickly filled, and CUPID’s voice rang out. “New parameter update completed. Final compatibility update in progress…”

“Nexi?” Mira’s concerned eyes met with Ren’s as they awaited a response.

Is it over? Normalcy slowly returned to the venue along with the lights.

It didn’t take long for Nexi's simulated voice to come through. “How peculiar. It seems the algorithm has merged its operating system with the new programing, creating a new criteria for its analysis.”

Ren and Mira’s score flickered above them, cycling through numbers before settling at 98%.

“Must… be another glitch,” Ren muttered.

As the chaos wound down and the night’s event came to a close, people slowly made their way out in confusion. Ren and Mira followed behind.

“Must be…” Mira glanced back.

One couple remained, the one small possible success from before. They chatted and chuckled lost in their own little world.

Mira turned to Ren with a bright smile. “At the very least, we’re 12% compatible as partners in crime.”

Ren smirked. “So, are you admitting to your crimes, thief?”

“Oh, officer, I’m innocent!”

They two chuckled as the glistening sky opened above them.