The Scalpel of the Bureau

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand. You said you are police? It’s been so long since I’ve seen an officer after beat cops got replaced by the Neighborhood Watch Algoryt-“

“Do we look like beat cops?”

The old woman adjusted her glasses. Two people were in front of her wearing full-body exoskeletons; one dark green, the other dark blue. A metallic mask hid their identity, but from their voices, it sounded like the blue one was a man and the green one a woman.

“…yes.”

“You must be getting senile if you think this is what cops used to look like.”

“Excuse me?”

“You have to speak louder, Green, this old lady is obviously hard of hearing. We. Are. From. The. Bureau.”

“The…what? You aren’t cops, then? Is that some kind of like a circus or something? Would explain why you are wearing those ridiculous colors…”

Kids' laughter echoed in the entryway. The Blue inspector glared at the two rapscallions watching from the other side of the door. It was enough to drive them back into hiding.

The Green inspector wildly gesticulated as if her hands were trying to find the correct way to express her exasperation. “No, we are from The Bureau of Planetary Safety!”

“Ah, I see,” the woman nodded. “You are here for the health inspection, yes? Well, you can your masks off because I fumigated last week!”

“Not that kind of safety! The Bureau of Planetary Safety works for the Security Council to safeguard humanity against threats to its continued safety, development, and expansion!”

“…So, you aren’t here to check my house for cockroaches?”

“Lister here, you shriveled up grape-“ The Green inspector stepped forward, but her partner pulled her back.

“Easy Green. Listen, miss, all you need to know is that we have more authority than the cops. The Bureau works to stop nasty criminals, like peddlers of bio-engineered drugs, and asteroid separatists. I’m sure you don’t want to have those shady characters ruining the neighborhood, right?”

“Oh, heavens no. Just this day I got into an argument with this lovely young man about genetic enginee-“

“Yes, yes, let’s talk about that man. He might be who we are looking for. A dangerous terrorist who designed bio-weapons to kill our brave colonists on the edge of space. Do you recognize him?”

The inspector lifted his hand, and a small hologram of Kensu’s face hovered above his palm. The old lady gripped her glasses as she leaned forward. “Hmmm, nope. Never seen him. The man that came today was blonde… and he walked with a gait.”

“I see. And I assume you know nothing about the out-of-control drones that attacked the neighborhood?”

“Sorry, I was inside watching my shows. Didn’t hear a thing. I always have to crank up the speakers to the max volume to even hear the damned machine. I’m hard of hearing, as you know.”

“A pity. I don’t suppose your two little grandkids over there heard anything either?”

“Nope, they were stuck in their room doing their homework. Sorry, I couldn’t be of help, officer. Good day.”

The old lady closed the door on the man’s face. The two armored inspectors looked at each other and nodded. They each pressed a button on their helmets, amplifying the sounds they heard around them.

“…why did you lie to the inspectors?” a kid’s voice faintly cracked over the suit’s earpiece.

“Supposed inspectors, bah! I don’t remember voting for the creation of no Bureau. Tim, get me the phone. I’ll call my senator to give him a piece of my mind. Thinking they can barge into my home and try to scare me with their fancy-schmancy armor and toy swords. Hmpf!”

“Told you we should have left the weapons on the van,” the Green inspector reprimanded her coworker.

“But what if they are right? What if that Kensu guy was a terrorist?”

“Yeah, him and that scary robot lady!”

“Robot lady? Seems like our suspect has AI help…”

“Would a terrorist bake pancakes? Don’t be daft, boy. Besides, we don’t even know where they went, so it’s not like we can help them even if we want to. Which I don’t! That Bureau is bad news, mark my words. I remember back in my days when armored goons patrolled the street after the Jovi-“

“Oh boy, grandma is starting again…”

The Inspectors dialed their environmental microphone back down. They began to walk away. “So, the suspect did come here.”

“But they don’t know where he went. A dead end.”

“You would think that will all the racket the military made, their tracks would be easier to follow. Let’s go back and hope Red has more information. ”

The Blue officer activated his optic camo, disappearing from sight. But the Green one remained a bit longer, her hands dialing something on her helmet.

“What are you doing?”

“Sending an anonymous tip to the Health and Safety Bureau. Let them see if that prune actually fumigated her rundown motel.”

“Sometimes I forget how petty you are.”

“Hmpf. Hope you didn’t forget to get me a birthday gift either.”

“Err, let’s not waste any more time.”

The two inspectors turned invisible and returned to their designated meeting point, an unmarked van parked in the middle of the sidewalk. A man wearing the same uniform, but painted black and red, was already sitting inside.

“You are late.”

“Nice to see you too. I had a great day, how about you?”

“Mine was boring. Too much waiting.”

“Well, to business then. Did you figure out if the tin-heads were chasing the sam-“

“They were,” the Red inspector replied curtly, pointing at the digital map that covered a side of the wall. “They found the subjects and chased him over to the Planet Express yard, but he managed to neutralize their assault team. The trail went cold there.”

“Well, that narrows our search, at least.”

“Did the boots have no idea where the subject might try to hide?”

“Officially, no. Unofficially…” The Red inspector pressed some buttons. A message popped up in front of the map. “We, as in the Bureau, received an anonymous tip that someone will try to bomb the Space Elevator.”

“And you think this someone is our genetic freak?”

“Yes and no. I think the military believes that he will try to get a ship out of Earth, and a whistleblower wants us to deal with their mess before our suspect has the chance to sow more mayhem. Off the record, of course. Without their dear General finding out.”

“Well, that’s a start. Call HQ and tell them to run a background check on the suspect, see if he has any extra-terrestrial contacts that would help him if we are too late to stop him.”

“But are we? He would have to be awful fast to have reached the Space Elevator already.”

“Well, he is a freak, so who knows?” the Blue inspector shrugged. “Let’s freeze his bank accounts. We can’t make this so easy for him that he just has to arrive at the spaceport and buy a ticket.”

“Should we close the spaceport just in case?”

“No. As you said, it is unlikely he reaches it first, but we can’t not take precautions. Moreover, if he can’t pay for a way out, he will have to smuggle himself into the port.”

Blue pointed at the map, the two other inspectors following his finger and audibly gasping. “Of course. Professor Katashi worked with them before so-”

“So, if I were in our suspect shoes, that’s how I would smuggle myself out of the planet, and that’s where we will intercept our escapee.”

“Finally, I want some payback. Won’t let that freak kill another inspector,” the Red inspector agreed, rising to his feet. “Let’s not waste any time.”

“Wait, about …that.”Green clicked a couple of buttons, the screen changing to show a close-up of Kensu’s face recorded from the lab’s security footage. “Before we neutralize the suspect, I think it’s time we address the elephant in the room. Do you think that’s him?”

“No. He died years ago. Don’t you remember?”

“We burned the entire building to the ground, no way out.”

“Or so we thought. You have to admit that we weren’t as thorough back then. We could have missed the location of a hidden warehouse or lab-”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“And his death was strange as well. He was covered in wounds that we didn’t inflict. There is something that doesn’t add up about that incident.”

“Yes, but to think that he survived and has been jumping like us is quite a reach.”

“Is it? You can’t deny the resemblance?”

“Ugh, fine… let’s do some DNA testing. If it IS him, then he should be a match.”

“And if he is?”

“Then we finish the job. Properly this time. No loose ends.”