A Symphony for Myself

The first time I cried was at a neural symphony. It was a strange emotion, and it didn’t last for long. My mind and body felt like they were in two different places, separated by a vast and turbulent ocean. The tingling of my skin yearned for the cold ocean mist, to feel its sting and know its pain, yet my mind shied away as if it was blinded from any emotion but joy. Those tears were my body's only glimpse into the dark waters that my mind recoiled from. It was a feeling like no other. Something that couldn’t be evoked through my ears alone.

The neurons in my brain swayed to vibrant melodies, and the piano danced like droplets of soft rain hitting leaves chilled by the fall air. Then I was whisked to a memory that a quartet of violins sung of. A memory that caused my heart to burn for unreachable warmth. It seemed as if I saw the whole world through a child’s eyes. Next, a child’s voice, or maybe it was a man’s, or perhaps it was a woman's. No, it felt like the whole of humanity was singing together. Carrying me through the biodomes that protected the city from harm and into the stars that no longer gave light. I gasped for breath, but there I stayed, floating among the endless songs in an endless void. A journey of a thousand years condensed into seconds deserved at least one moment of reprieve. But this was the end. The music was laying me to rest, and I welcomed its warm embrace. And even once it was done, that feeling lingers like it’s desperately trying to stop you from slipping into nostalgia.

As thunderous applause erupted across the auditorium, Kai was pulled from his electric dream. It took him a second to respond and another moment to realize his face was still stained with tears. He brushed the moisture from his cheeks and joined the crowd in a standing ovation. The composer, stepping out from his enclosure of dials and screens, deserved nothing less. Everything Kai witnessed was nothing short of marvelous. Absolutely marvelous.

The pounding applause melded into a heavy rain that poured onto the roof of the concert hall, and soon Kai followed the snaking line of patrons leaving the building. Once he entered the lobby, the glass wall facing the rest of Meloria beaded with water droplets that dispersed the artificial light that pushed back the night. Kai stared at the beads of light, trying to reclaim any memory of the concert. If only just another moment.

A hand slapped his back, and a voice followed. “That was amazing! You ever have extra tickets again, I’m there.”

Kai tilted his gaze towards the grinning boy and reoriented himself by recalling his friend's name. Hari. It seemed like centuries had passed in there. “Glad you enjoyed it.” He scanned the rest of the lobby but couldn’t find who he was looking for. “Where’s Grayson, Ellen, and June?”

“They went to the restroom and told me to wait with you at the entrance.”

“Oh,” Kai said as if his voice was still muffled by musical memories.

Without hesitation, Hari responded with a smile that never seemed to leave his face. “You good, man?”

“Yeah,” Kai shivered to shake off his pursuit of the memory. Maybe I won’t let go of it just yet, he decided before everything completely slipped away. “I was just thinking about the concert. Still trying to hold onto what I can, but I know it’s pointless.”

Hari chuckled. “It’s not pointless at all. You got to learn from the best no matter how difficult it is. Focus on the feeling. That's the hardest to forget.”

As Kai considered Hari’s words, the murmur in the lobby grew to a rowdy conversation as a man with wavy brown hair, flecked with gray, stepped from the concert hall. He cracked a wisen grin as he waved to the onlookers. To everyone else, that man was simply Karl Liste, but to Kai, he was a mentor, producer, and friend all wrapped into one.

Karl grinned at Kai as he spotted him in the corner of his eye. Bowing to the crowd once more, he walked to Kai with his security entourage following close behind. “I am honored you could make it. I hope the experience was enriching, especially when you’ll be on a stage soon enough.”

“It was. I’ve never experienced anything like it. Well,” Kai paused as he stumbled for words. No matter how long he’d been around Karl’s presence was still intimidating to a degree. “I’ve of course been to neural symphonies before but the way you played tonight was well indescribable.”

“I appreciate the compliment. I know it means something coming from you.” Karl let the statement linger in the air, and its sincerity settled. “I must leave soon; my wife never likes me staying for long, but I look forward to your concert on the 27th. I know you will do well.”

“Thank you, sir.” Kai nodded at the affirmation and said his goodbyes. How can you know? You haven’t even heard my new composition. It doesn’t even exist yet. The 27th loomed over every other thought. Only seven days away and after a symphony like that how I can even compare. “Let’s go to the entrance,” Kai said abruptly. “They’re probably waiting for us.”

Winding through the crowd of people in the lobby, Kai and Hari made their way to the glass doors leading outside. Just beyond the doors, Kai spotted Grayson with his freckled face and neon green bowtie. Despite telling Grayson the bowtie was too gaudy for the concert and both of the girls agreeing, he decided to wear it anyway. Ellen leaned in, her black nails nearly grasping the bowtie, yet Grayson backed off just in time. June, in a high-neck sleeveless dress, stepped between the pair before Ellen had another chance. She folded her arms and gave both Ellen and Grayson a silent stare.

Before the argument ensued, Kai stepped out into the warm night air. “Sorry for the wait. Mr. Liste wanted to talk.”

“We weren’t out here long,” June responded in her usual monotone voice. Most people would think her tone was cold, but Kai had known her long enough to know that was just how she spoke. “Amazing concert, by the way,” she added.

Ellen folded her arms and brushed a strand of black hair from her face. “We can talk all about the concert later, but Reverb closes in an hour. We got to get going now if we’re going to make it.”

“Surprised your teeth haven’t fallen out after eating their pastries every day.” Grayson prodded just enough for his comment to feel like a light pinch.

“Buzz off. You guys like it too!” Ellen looked around her stare demanding resounding agreement.

“Of course we do. Come on, guys, we can’t miss out on an after-concert treat,” Hari said in an encouraging tone.

The rain had let up a little, and Kai stared past the blooming bushes and curated gardens surrounding the slick, dark-tiled plaza that gave way to a gleaming city. Stepping off the stairs of the Dorian Lyric theater, water droplets fizzled into wisps of steam above Kai’s head as an invisible field of energy kept him dry. Even though Kai could already imagine the scents of the Reverb cafe, they smelled dull compared to the music he had witnessed tonight. The music he knew everyone expected him to live up to.

Reverb’s neon sign glowed with everchanging colors that faded in and out like the customers that passed through its doors during the peak of the day. But now the colors slowed to match the relaxed energy that drew them to rest their weary feet. Everything about the cafe matched its customers’ vibe. Its emotionally attuned architecture was the thing that really drew people, no matter how much Ellen raved about their pastries, and like its name, your emotions would echo throughout the building.

Before entering, Kai decided to lay his worries to rest or at least subdue them. He didn’t want to ruin everyone else's good time. They all sat down and ordered. Ellen more than the rest of them, but this time Grayson decided not to say anything.

“So Ellen, other than Hari, you were the only one who hadn’t attended a neural symphony. How was your first time?” Kai asked.

Ellen leaned back in her chair and balanced her weight on the rear legs. The paneling on the walls faded to a dark wood, inviting deeper thoughts and more subdued lighting. “It was nice. It almost felt like a movie playing in my mind. The actors are fuzzy, and you can’t remember the plot, but you know how everything makes you feel. But, in the end, that’s all any artist asks of their audience. I wonder what my favorite movie scores would be like in that format.”

“Astra Nova’s stuff would be cool in that format too!” Hari said before Kai could respond to Ellen.

“Who?” Kai tilted his head to the side.

“A new artist that’s making it big in Chora.” June promptly explained. “She’s like the biggest thing right now.” The lights grew brighter, and the cafe warped into something more modern and sleek. Neon lights enveloped the floor beneath them.

Ellen leaned in and embraced the more exciting atmosphere as she dug her elbows into the table. “Her new single, Electric Cosmos, was amazing. She totally captured the vibe you feel in a late-night chat room.” Her voice flowed into an imperfect melodic hum. “Electric threads, we’re holding tight.”

Hari picked up the melody. “A tapestry of neon light.”

June smiled at the song but remained content humming along.

Hari and Ellen continued as the ceiling transformed into a mural of ethereal lights. “Across the stars, through endless streams, we weave a bond, a digital dream. Connections made but never near. A world of touchless love, sincere.” Their voices trailed off, and their awkward harmony faded.

“Sorry,” Ellen giggled. “It just sticks in your head.” Ellen whipped her head around as she finally spotted Grayson’s confused yet sour glare. “What’s your issue?”

“Doesn’t it seem kind of cheesy?” Grayson said.

“I like it,” Kai responded before the two of them got into another fight.

“You should go to one of her concerts sometime.” June’s voice was barely above a whisper. “She reminds me a bit of your music, Kai.”

“Have you been to one of her concerts?” Ellen leaned in but quickly backed off as the waitress placed a steaming cup of coffee and a golden-brown pastry before her.

“Just last month. My flight instructor was able to get tickets, and while we were refueling at Chora, he took me to see the concert.”

“Lucky!” Ellen traced the steam from her coffee with a hint of envy. “Next time you have got to fly the rest of us out.”

“Her next concert is going to be a fundraiser for the tri-restoration project in about two weeks. You're doing that too. Right, Kai?”

“Yeah,” Kai blinked. Another reminder made a small pit form in his stomach, and he felt his chair creak in anxiety. Before the rest of the cafe followed his emotions, he returned to a stable level. “Same organization but different time and venue. So sadly I won’t be playing with her.”

“I’m sure you’ll be just as good,” Ellen grinned before taking a bite of half her pastry and trying not to smear her lipstick.

“That’s the land, sea, and air initiative,” Grayson mumbled between bites of a chocolate-covered croissant. “Do you know if any of the board members of the commission are going to be there?”

“Usually one of two attend, but I don’t know which ones will,” Kai answered, relieved that the topic had turned from his music. “You’ve been wanting to talk to them?”

“Yeah, at least one of them. I’ve been thinking about using time dilation VR, you know, that thing I’ve been working on, to help spread the word about their project. It can be kind of hard to conceptualize centuries of environmental devastation unless you can see it all at once, and most people don’t get the chance to see outside the Symphony cities. For good reason too, but that’s beside the point.”

“I’ll let you know who’s attending as soon as I get the guest list from Karl,” Kai said.

Grayson nodded, satisfied with the answer. Warmer lighting returned to Reverb as the walls told of a history fabricated by the emotions of the night. Their conversation carried on with pleasant undertones until the staff notified them the cafe was closing. Thrust into the night, the air felt as welcoming as the inside.

The sting of cold ocean mist flickered in the back of Kai’s mind as he wondered if the wind could ever be cold enough to bite his skin. Yet that was a pointless exercise; the Symphony cities were perfectly climate-controlled. They had to be. Outside lay the devastation of a war long ago. People said the outside was healing and the tri-restoration project was part of that, but there was still a long way to go.

Kai said his goodbyes and began his journey back home. The dome above him glittered with false stars, and he wondered how Astra Nova could make songs about a cosmos she had never seen. How can I compose a song for the world outside? For a world I will never know.