Guess who's back

Everyone stared at me as I began stretching. Breaking apart and building myself back up really hurt, but it woke me up I guess. Seriously, how the hell am I even alive after that?

Now who've we got here? One bald girl in a weird mask, one bald girl sprawled on the ground, crying, one bald girl covered in candle wax, and three bastards that remind me of that alien bitch. Oh, and that f*cking octo-bot. Can't forget that little bastard. Well, the voice in my head's spewing all kinds of shit my way. Tutorials, explanations, I get the gist of this shit already; my archangel power is ice, or rather...

"Cold case."

Stalagmites of ice burst forth and charged for the aliens, sending them all scattering. The big purple doof riding atop some weird ball scooter, leaped over the attack and bounced towards me.

"Yeah, Twinky Winky's gonna splat ya into an ice smoothie."

Twinky... Winky? Oh, please. That's the stupidest name I've heard yet. And are the two girls with him Lolo and Pu? Is Dimpsy lurking nearby too, strutting around in his pimp top hat? Ugh, now that I think about it, that octo-bot looks just like the Gu-gu from the show, the one that always sucks up the slop. Ugh, let's try and make progress instead.

"Mmph! Ngh mmph ngh ngh [Oi! What are their names]!?"

Ah shit, I'm still permagagged. f*ck.

"Their names? You want their names?" the masked girl asked.

She understands me?"

"Yes!"

"The big one's Twinky Winky. He likes to attack by riding his scooter. Be careful, there's a nasty gravity blaster in that orange ball."

Lovely, gravity balls.

"The cowgirl's Dixie. She likes to use a lasso and prefers to lynch people to death. But the lasso's made of laser, so if it wraps around your neck, you're likely facing decapitation, rather than strangulation.

Dixie... OK, guess they're going with THAT angle on the naming scheme.

"The goth girl is Vera. She's got a candle wax blaster on her."

Oh, that's why that girl's covered in wax then.

"And finally, watch out for that Gu-gu bot. It'll drench you in icky, sticky fluids that make you moan in arousal for hours.

Been there, done that! But "Gu-gu"? Ugh, those aliens must worship the Bellitubies like deities.

Looked like I was the hot topic as al the goons zeroed in on me.

"That power... Kill her!" Vera shouted.

Dixie nodded and began swinging her lasso round, but that hat she's wearing sure is big. Damn thing keeps falling over her eyes. Hmm...

Well no time to think as here comes the rope. The damn thing was longer than it looked, spreading like a kilometer wide as it swept round the room. It looked like it tried to sweep up everyone in one go, but everyone managed to dodge it. Masked girl flew over it, the tanned skin baldy dodged it by sinking into the floor, and candle wax baldy... the chair she was sitting in got it, causing her to topple, but she hadn't been cut by the rope so it was fine.

Anyway, let's take out Dixie Dimpsy.

"Hey mask!"

"Vanilla Mint!"

The hell's with all these stupid names!?

"Give me a blast of wind. I'm gonna freeze it!"

Dixie recoiled her lasso and begun swinging it round and round for round 2, but it wasn't going to happen. As her hat fell over and she went to adjust it with her other hand, Vanilla Mint blasted out a gust of wind that I froze, freezing Dixie's hand to her hat.

She angrily smacked her frozen hand with her other, perhaps thinking it'd break the ice, or worst case break her hand off, but no. The moment her other hand touched it, I froze it together. That bitch still had fight in her though as she performed a high kick, thinking she'd shatter her hands.

Admirable that she'd go so far to win a fight, but was she going to try lassoing us by holding the rope with her teeth? Well it didn't matter because, you guessed it, her leg got frozen too, and at this point she was helpless, so me and Vanilla gave her one quick cool blast as she fell, turning her into ice and allowing her to completely shatter to bits upon impact with the ground.

1 down, 2... 3 to go.

"Ey, you can't kill Dixie! We da perfect team! No escapees get by us, and we ain't gonna lose dat record!" Twinky Winky shouted as he tilted his scooter up, sending out a blast of gravity.

I felt myself trapped in place, but then realized the gravity was freezing around me. Of course, space has no gravity, and it's cold as shit. Absolute zero.

Oh the look of terror and surprise on Twinky Winky's face as his gravity got frozen.

"No way! I'm Twinky Winky with stinky feetsies! You can't do this to me!" he cried as he began to freeze.

Just did, now go full Newton ya shitty Bellitubby cosplayer. Always hated you the most on the show.

And just like that Twinky Winky froze over and fell to the ground, shattering into a million pieces. 2 down, and 2 to go.

I turned my gaze to Vera, who was now completely scared shitless. She fired some road flare thingy at me, sending gloopy red liquid at me. I froze it, and she began cowering like a pussy.

"No! My candle wax is supposed to be hot! How'd you freeze it!?"

Oh right, it's wax.

"Mmph ngh mmpg ngh ngh mmph ngh mmph? Ngh mmph [Well, ever seen lava get frozen? Same concept]."

Vera stared blankly at me, clearly unable to understand what I just said. Damn gag mechanic. I can't say badass lines proper with it!

Vera was now beginning to panic, realizing she couldn't escape, she went to desperate ploy number 2; pretending to give up.

"I give! I give! Take me prisoner, shave my head, just don't kill me."

Well if you're asking nicely...

"Vanilla, tell the bitch I want her to shave her head bald on the spot."

"Huh!? It's obviously a ploy!"

"Do it, she can't understand my gag talk, but somehow she can understand you."

Vanilla glared, but did as I asked. A sinister smile briefly flashed across Vera's face as she pulled out her laser knife and held it up to her hairline. Just as I thought.

Vera forced a nervous smile as she trembled in place, the laser knife mere millimeters from her hairline. "Idiot, your ego got the better of you. Gu-gu's in hiding, but he'll come out and gloop ya when your guard is down. And I won't even shave a hair off either. Sucks for you- ACK!?"

Vera's eyes burst out of her head in shock as she was thrust off the ground by an icicle impaled through her chest. The laser knife fell to the floor as blood began oozing out of her mouth.

"You... bitch!"

Sucks for you! I was onto you the whole time! Now, let's bait out the gloop bot.

I immediately froze Vera's blood oozing out of her mouth, effectively gagging her, before summoning small blades of ice to shave her head, eyebrows, and eyelashes. Bitch was screaming like crazy, though maybe it was more to do with her frozen mouth causing blood to build up in her throat, effectively choking her to death. Welp, let's see how long she lasts.

The shaving was done in seconds, and out came the octo-bot to drench her with the bald gloop.

"No... That bitch, she knew the Gu-gu bot's top protocol is to provide hair removal service above all else. No... Don't shave me bald... Don't kill me..."

As the bot finished sucking the bald gloop off Vera and began encasing her in the beauty gloop, she died. Not sure if it was from chocking on her blood, or the blood loss from the stab in the chest. Doesn't matter. But what does matter is that the octo-bot's still shaving her despite her being dead.

And once the beauty gloop is sucked off, it's on to... the oil!

As soon as the oil began spewing out, I sent a mighty ice missile at the bastard's mouth, getting a direct hit and freezing it from the inside out. It fell to the ground and shattered into a million pieces, and at this point I had won, but decided to go the extra mile by freezing Vera's corpse and shattering it to bits. Now I can say I have won and there's no chance of these bastards coming back.

Damn, I'm op. This time, that bitch Kyutee is gonna get her ass kicked, whenever I see her again. Though first I need to learn more about these three bald girls.