Earnest Praise of the Apathetic Man

The museum he would be performing at gleamed in the late afternoon light. Several technicians in black coats with their roles clearly embroidered in white on their backs swarmed in and out of the entrance. Kai took a deep breath to calm his nerves. The concert was only four hours away. Friends, family, board members of the tri-restoration project, and, most importantly, potential donors would be attending. His music was only one part of the fundraising party, but if the foundation didn’t reach its donation goal, Kai knew he would be partly responsible no matter what the board members said.

He walked up the steps with a rigid stride that he tried to make look as natural as possible. Going through the doors, he squeezed past two technicians carrying a large amplifier. It looked like an oval-shaped satellite dish with hollow wires twisting towards the center of the funnel. Kai knew that piece well. He had a miniature version hooked up to his computer. The amplifier was responsible for converting his sound into frequencies that would target different areas of the audience’s brains.

As he entered the large lobby, Kai spotted the composer towers already more than half built on the back of the stage. He thumbed the flash drive in his pocket that he would insert into the center of the tower. The little device contained all the information on how he wanted his instruments tuned.

“Are you Kai?” A man wearing a cap with the words audio engineer across the top said.

Kai nodded in response. “Are you wanting to run through a final check with me?”

The man pointed towards the tower, and his AI companion, hovering a little higher than the both of them, zoomed off across the room. “Yeah, every musician has their particular setup. Just want to make sure we’ve followed the instructions properly.”

Kai followed the man over and entered the small enclosure. The various dials he was familiar with surrounded them. At the front of the enclosure, a screen that would show various notations, notes, and his music map sat. Karl once told him musicians used to read music on paper with an entirely different notation, but with the rise of neural symphonies, music maps were needed to consider not only the music itself but also what part of the brain it was targeting.

“This is the section for the parietal lobes, right?” Kai asked as he pointed to the left of the enclosure.

The audio engineer's AI companion projected a diagram, and he twirled the diagram to the location to make sure he wasn’t mistaken. “Yes, is there a problem with it?”

“It’s not a big issue. I just typically like it in front. After all, the parietal lobe is where every neural symphony starts.” If the sound isn’t interpreted correctly right from the beginning, what's the point? Kai knew some artists just saw the parietal lobe as a means to an end, but he saw it as another instrument in his grand orchestra.

“I’ve never considered it like that.” The audio engineer chuckled as his AI companion received and distributed the command. “No wonder they call you a prodigy. We’ll make the change right away. Anything else?”

“No, that’s all.” Kai ran his fingers across the sleek black dashboard as he wondered how the audience would respond. Despite how earnest the audio engineer’s praise seemed to be, it made Kai feel nothing. I’m no prodigy. The sentiment echoed in the back of his mind like a hollow chorus singing to a dead audience. He exited the composer's tower, passed the audio engineer, and briefly waved his flash drive in front of the man. “Let me know when you’re finished so I can get the rest of it set up.”

With that, he wandered off into the rest of the museum, wondering if every historic painting, sculpture, or piece of art throughout the building was frowning upon him.

An hour before the concert, the fundraising party guests began to arrive. Kai greeted as many as he could, hoping the conversation would take his mind off of his composition, yet each smile and compliment only made his approaching performance arrive faster. The board members Elena and Aiden were among the first to arrive. They thanked Kai for his contribution and said they were honored to have him here. He grinned, eager to move on from the conversation.

As people filled the seats, the edges of each table glowed like a sunrise. Everything about this night was meant to be a new dawn for humanity. It was a feeling Kai had so desperately tried to evoke with his composition. The light seemed to be taunting him. He had never seen a real sunrise. Even June hadn’t despite flying between cities. The radiation could get through the windows, she had told him. Maybe the audience won’t catch the lie. The thought caused him to unconsciously unclench his hands, which were damper than he remembered.

“Hey.” Kai felt a hand on his shoulder as he turned to find Grayson behind him. “How are you feeling?”

“Nervous, I guess,” Kai breathed between clenched teeth.

Grayson let his hand slide off Kai’s shoulder. “This isn’t even close to your first concert. I’m sure you’ll be fine. I just talked to Elena and Aiden, and they’re excited to hear your stuff.” He grinned, yet Kai didn’t say anything back. “Everyone’s rooting for you. So show them what you got.”

“Thanks,” Kai said, which prompted Grayson to return to his table across the room.

The beginning of the program was a blur until Kai found himself stepping onto the stage to frightening applause. He bowed and entered the composer's tower. Screens flickered to life, and the dials, sliders, and keys glowed a color corresponding to a different part of the brain. Setting his hands on his digital instruments, Kai took one last deep breath as the melody began.

A soft spring breeze blew through a field of grass centuries past. The warmth of the sun only hit the surface of his skin even though Kai yearned for it to penetrate deeper into his body. Laughter spread across tall oaks, and the scent of dirt visited the audience’s nostrils. The scenes of nature grew grander until Kai could hear the audible amazement of the audience.

Then the withering and decay came. The fiery breath of war swept the landscape of its beauty. But what was lost was nothing but an imitation. Yet what returned from the rubble was a dream. The dream of the tri-restoration project. Kai let the audience dream for a moment longer, and then he pulled them back to reality.

The sounds of clapping filled the hall. Kai could hear it but didn’t want to step out. Just a moment longer to avoid their gaze. He knew he couldn’t stay much longer. People will think something is wrong. Finally, he stepped forth from the cage and spread his arms wide. All they saw was a boy grinning ear to ear, but only one thought ran through Kai’s mind.

Why do they praise me?

Frustration, maybe anger, or something deeper Kai could not define rose within him. Building and building with a pressure that needed to be released. Their beaming faces and adoring praise confused him. Do they not recognize such a mediocre composition? Why do they praise me? He asked again. The feeling of his music was already fading for him, but the audience still clapped. The palms of their hands slapped together into an infuriating ruckus. Why? His disappointment simmered to the surface. Why? He asked one more time as the emotion winked out of existence.

Kai’s grin faltered but only for a moment as a new question entered his mind. One that his thoughts seemed too eager to push aside. What just happened to me?