Side Story – A Prophet’s Birthday

“Yes, Madame General Secretary.”

I was seated comfortably in my office, examining the various maps and logistical documents in front of me. Over the phone, Georgy, my top general, was firmly assuring me that our encirclement was proceeding smoothly. If things continued on their current pace, then we might be able to at last remove the Allied forces from the continent. The Merykans, led by… her… wouldn’t be so easily defeated, but this was a necessary first step.

“The naval rearmament is also likely to finish ahead of schedule.”

“Will it be able to compete with Allied navy sufficiently to establish a beachhead in the Isles?”

“… That is improbable as of now. But-”

“It’s fine. Bring me the rearmament documentation. We’ll be able to do it in time.”

To be honest, I was managing far more of the military’s logistics than I had any business doing. It was eating into my management of internal affairs, but luckily, Beria was handling that well.

Knock, knock.

“Come in.”

Speak of the devil. It was Beria.

“Beria, I need you to-”

All of a sudden, Beria pulled out a handgun. Why won’t this body react as quickly as my real-

BANG!

… What.

GAME OVER

===

I removed the headset, and, resisting the impulse to release some uncharacteristically colourful expletives, I bit my lip and glanced over at Sarah.

“Why did they even add assassination as a valid win condition?”

“It’s realistic, isn’t it?”

“….”

I turned my head away slightly to hide my twitching eyebrow.

“It’s Christmas tomorrow, Elysia. Are you excited?”

“I really don’t get it. Why did I need to get a Secret Santa present?”

Sarah pouted at my non-understanding.

“It’s the spirit of the holiday!”

“… But why does the holiday even exist?”

Sarah touched her lip thoughtfully, then widened her eyes as if recalling something incredible.

“I know! It was some ancient prophet’s birthday… or something like that.”

So… I’m being told I need to buy presents for other people when it’s my birthday? …Well, what humans seem to think my past incarnation’s birthday was, anyway. Unfortunately, Sarah’s expectation-filled eyes were making it painful to reject her firmly.

“Buying things is difficult, you know? It costs a lot of money and-”

Sarah tilted her head.

“Don’t you make a lot of money consulting for the Bellons? Lily was grumbling that you were overpaid at one point, right?”

I broke out into a cold sweat. It should be fine. I can get presents on a same day order… probably.

“… Don’t worry about it.”

Sarah leaned towards me, narrowing her eyes.

“Also, you have to bring real food to the Christmas party this time. Last time you-”

“I know! You don’t need to remind me!”

I hid my face in my hands at the memory of Adam’s mockery of me bringing a loaf of bread as my contribution to the previous year’s party. Bread is great, I don’t know what his issue is….

“Also, Elysia, do you have a costume?”

“… We needed a costume?”

“… Yeah.”

Sarah was looking away, so I couldn’t discern her face, but….

“I’m not an idiot, Sarah! I’m not falling for that three years in a row!”

To my shouted outburst, Sarah burst out cackling, before tousling my hair into an irreparable mess.

God died for your right to screw with my hair….

====

I sat next to Lily in an expansive yet sparsely crowded dining hall.

“Isn’t this a bit opulent for a ‘small gathering’?”

“We had a successful year, you know? I think we can reward ourselves a little.”

“We haven’t even fully dealt with the Fosters.”

Lily coyly shrugged.

“We’ve done well so far.”

I sighed and folded my arms, leaning back into my seat.

“You can only say that because we’ve restricted their surface-level operations. I only started working for you to help curtail the Fosters. The police are still-”

“Blah, blah, blah! It’s Christmas! I don’t want to talk business today!”

It’s my birthday, not yours….

Ignorant to my internal grumbling, Lily shook me by the shoulder to grab my attention. I swivelled my head to see that Adam and Mark had finished their conversation with some other guests and had just approached us. Adam spoke up first.

“Did you two see my speech to the Council?”

Both Lily and I raised an eyebrow. Lily responded to him in a bemused tone.

“Opening up a conversation with bragging won’t make you popular with the ladies, Adam.”

Mark, who had just been engaged to a co-worker from the civil service, grinned at Adam, before looking back at Lily.

“You know you’re not one to speak, Lillia.”

Lillia gave a snort.

“There’s a difference between not getting involved in a serious relationship because you’re too busy and not getting into a relationship because you accidentally chase everyone who’s interested in you off.”

Adam, a lifelong involuntary bachelor, coughed at the barbed remark. Deciding to give him a lifeline, I changed the topic.

“I watched your talk live, Adam. I thought you spoke well. It was probably the only interesting part of the debate on the East Coast Reconstruction Act, at least….”

Adam gave a smug grin.

“At least someone here recognises genius.”

Lily and Mark rolled their eyes, and I gave a practiced smile. While we were speaking, two more figures approached.

“Oh, Sarah!”

Lily excitedly jumped from her seat and gave Sarah a hug that bordered on a tackle. Mark and Adam shook Connor’s hand while Lily and Sarah yammered to each other. I watched the pairings who were comfortably ignoring me with mild interest.

Was it really worth returning to Earth with the memory of all of that sin?

Before I could get too deep into my thoughts, Connor broke me from my thoughts by offering me a red felt cone-like hat with a fluffy white trim. I looked at it sceptically.

“Is this… a Santa hat?”

Connor gave a laugh to my comment.

“Sarah was going to give it to you, but well….”

He looked at Sarah and Lily’s incomprehensible conversation with a rueful grin, which had now progressed to something about a “TokTik”. I exhaled once more, before putting it on my head.

I suppose it was worth it. I wouldn’t have any friends if I were dead, after all.