The Broken

“I want to party with Cassandra tonight! Ugh! We haven’t gone out together in ages,” Sylk plopped down onto the couch in a dramatic flourish of despair.

Casey put down her displayer. She’d been trying to work on her essay, though she was stuck on what subject to write it about. It seemed like every other essay she wrote was about her soullessness, and that got her an easy A because her condition was so unique, but she wanted to explore something different. “Well, I am in a bit of a partying mood, but I think tonight I want to be Cassio.”

Sylk rolled over onto her stomach so that she could bend her knees and kick her feet in the air aimlessly. “Hmm,” she said thoughtfully, her hand on her chin as she looked at Casey.

“Hmm, what? Don’t ‘Hmm’ me,” Casey picked up a pillow and threw it at Sylk.

“Nothing, nothing! It’s just that you haven’t been Cassandra since… a certain night.”

“Sometimes I get tired of characters. You know I cycle through them. It’s nothing more than that, really. Remember when I used to be Casper?”

“Say what you will about Casper, but I liked him. Felt like I was taking care of a little brother or something.” Sylk smiled.

Casper used to be a kid character that Casey would dress up as. It was her own little way to heal her inner child, but she knew it was weird to act like a kid in public so she only became Casper in private spaces.

“Don’t think super deep into it, I just feel like dancing tonight, so I’m gonna be Cassio,” Casey stretched then stood up. She had to start getting ready now if she wanted Cassio’s look to be ready in time.

“Alright, I’m gonna ask around to find a good party. Don’t take up all of the bathroom time, I wanna get ready after you.” Sylk began scrolling through her phone.

Casey's characters were like Sylk's hair. Constantly changing in and out, sometimes multiple times  a day if the situation called for it.

Casey went into the bathroom. The empty space where the mirror used to be might do wonders for her and Sylk’s mental health, but it was unfortunate that she couldn’t use the space for makeup anymore. Casey had to grab a handheld mirror from her bedroom, sit on the edge of the tub, and position the mirror in her lap so that she could see herself applying makeup. Cassio had a very simple look, most of his face was natural-looking.

Since they were going to a party, Cassio put a touch of glitter on his lips and cheeks. He would glitter under the light if it hit him just right. He took off the brown wig and traded it for a short one with galaxy hair. It was a mix of pink, purple, and blue. It also had specks of glitter. He took out his contacts and put in sclera ones that were white so that his eyes looked irisless and milky.

Sylk knocked on the door, not unkindly.

“Okay okay, I’m done with the bathroom anyway, I’m gonna go change in my room so you can get ready,” Cassio said as he opened the door and handed Sylk the handheld mirror.

“Woah,” Sylk said as Cassio passed her.

Cassio raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“Nothing, I just forgot how ethereal Cassio looked,” Sylk smiled, her face becoming slightly red as she went into the bathroom and shut the door.

Cassio shrugged and went to change. It felt weird to wander around half-done. His face was Cassio, but his body and outfit was still Casey. As soon as he was able to, he took off his stuffed bra, then unhooked his fake boobs and put it in his dresser. He could grow real breasts if he went on estrogen, but just dressing up like different genders was enough to stave off the worst of the dysphoria.

He wasn’t even sure if he was really transgender. He only felt uncomfortable in his body sometimes, and he didn’t feel like a valid member of the LGBT+ community because of that. 

Being genderfluid was still a hard concept for some people, despite how far society had come when it came to gender and sexuality. Birth certificates didn’t indicate a gender anymore, and preferred pronouns were used by most people instead of assumed pronouns.

When Cassio explained his case on forums and such, it was pretty split on whether people could call him part of the transgender community. Sometimes people would try to get him to admit that he had dissociative identity disorder, but that definitely wasn’t the case. He hadn’t experienced physical or sexual abuse as a child, and when he became different characters he remembered the experiences as each of them. He wasn’t dissociating into different people to deal with trauma, he was just choosing to become different people to deal with his identity. To figure out who he was and how he wanted to interact with the world. It was complicated.

When he wanted to be a woman character, he felt uncomfortable in his body until he could properly dress up as the female character, down to the chest and the underwear. That might've counted for something. He might be a part of the transgender community after all, but only on some weird offset of the genderfluid spectrum, with a set of asterisks and brackets. 

The only thing Cassio knew for sure was that he was lucky to be born so androgynous-looking. It was easy to toe the line and step on either side of the fence whenever he wanted.

He put on a black cropped shirt. It would show off his back tattoo. It was designed to be in a rectangular format, and it read "Your soul lacks a soul, you foul and fiendish mortal. Unbecoming, come forth, I need your skin" in Japanese kanji. It was a quote from Cassio’s favorite fiction book, Searing Angelus. It was about a demon who ate the souls of other demons. The demon didn’t want to render humans soulless, so he chose to prey on his own species instead. He fell in love with a human man who was a merciless demon hunter that had sold his soul early in his life and then gotten it back from the demon that took it. Their love was as passionate as it was forbidden. The tattoo was in Japanese to honor and reference the man who founded all of soul technology, Jiro Takashima.

Looking through his pants, Cassio was indecisive on whether he should wear something with holes or with a translucent part of the fabric. Either way, he wanted to show off his fishnets. In the end he decided on the latter, then topped it off with black combat heels. He reached for his pile of jewelry and put on rings, chokers, and two belts.

“Sylk, I’m ready!” Cassio opened his bedroom door. Sylk was still in the bathroom, so he clicked his tongue and scrolled through his phone to pass the time. With the break down he had yesterday and the classes he had this morning, he had missed out on a lot of messages. His mom was asking him if he’d be over for Thanksgiving. Probably not. The whole point of Sylk and him moving out of the dorms and into a shitty city apartment together over the summer was so that he could become more independent. He didn’t like the way his mother would look at him like some broken doll that needed fixing.

After a bit, Sylk finally stepped out. The first thing he noticed was her hair, which was hot pink and put up into two ponytails. Her enhanced hair was ridiculously long, so even the ponytails reached well past her back. She was wearing booty shorts with little rainbows on the side, a white cami, and a puffy pink jacket. On her legs she adorned white rhinestone thigh highs and hot pink chunky heels.

“Okay fashion queen, you don’t need to show me up every time,” Cassio said blankly.

“What do you mean dude, we’re literally gonna be the hottest things to ever set foot into that dance party.”

“Did you find a dance party just for me? Just because I asked? That was nice, thank you.”

Sylk put her finger up to her lips and winked. “Maybe. Maybe not. But it might turn into a rave if the vibe is amped enough, and that’s when the real magic happens.”

Cassio nodded in approval, then they went on their way.

The bars, clubs, and frat parties were usually lower down in the city. They made their way down their apartment building until they got onto the second floor, then they traversed the near-bottom of New York.

Once they made it to the party, there was a bouncer who had to let them in after checking their souls. In Cassio's case, his regular ass ID card. “Is this a club or party?” Cassio whispered to Sylk.

“It’s a college party that happens regularly and sometimes on Friday nights it might get amped enough to become a rave of sorts,” Sylk answered as they were being let in. They had to go down a short and dirty brick hallway. Then, they made it to the second door and as soon as they opened it the music hit them like a meteor. It was packed but not unbearable, filled with college kids who were some combination of high and drunk.

Sylk and Cassio, a duo that enamored people as soon as they walked in, made their way to the center to dance.

“Should’ve pre-gamed before this!” Cassio shouted to Sylk over the music. Sylk smiled, took out a flask from her jacket pocket, and she handed it to Cassio. He took a swig, but it was vodka. He coughed and gave Sylk a glare. She tended to ignore mixed drinks. If she wanted to get drunk, she didn’t beat around the bush. Still, pure vodka was an awful choice. Cassio himself preferred brown over white liquor.

He pocketed the flask. They had a way of passing the flask back and forth to each other throughout the night. When Cassio finally hit the dance floor, he blew everyone away. He used to take dance classes as a hobby, and him stepping to time with the beat was rhythmic and enthralling.

Soon, a small circle had gathered around him to watch him dance, but eventually he got tired and tagged in Sylk, who had a sultry way of dancing that involved a lot of hip swaying and lowering her body. She was not afraid to even dance on the party floor, just to pop back up when the beat permitted. When she got tired, she tagged in a random person, and the dance circle continued for a long while. It mostly consisted of the same three or four people, and sometimes the circle would be empty and someone would push their friend into the middle to dance, and everyone would cheer for them to support their bravery.

At some point, Cassio stumbled to a table that served as a bar. There were pills that the people behind the table were also selling, but he wasn’t interested in them. He knew that if he got addicted to a hard substance that it would be detrimental to him. He was already in the mental dumps, with no soulerist to guide him to clarity and balance.

He ordered two drinks, and he tried to get one to Sylk, but he bumped into so many dancing bodies on the way that half of it was on him instead of in the cup by the time he got there. She took it gratefully, then downed it. She had two girls at her side that’d been sticking pretty close to her throughout the party. One of them fully had her arm around Sylk’s waist.

The DJ began to play a slightly slower song entitled Daydream in Blueskin, and Sylk screamed in excitement. “Isn’t this Cassandra’s favorite song?!” She shouted into Cassio’s ear. Cassio cringed away.

“I’m not Cassandra right now though!” Cassio yelled back.

“What?” Sylk asked, unable to hear him over the music. She put an arm around the mystery girl’s back to keep herself steady.

“I said I’m not Cassandra right now!” Cassio repeated, hoping that Sylk could hear him this time. She just laughed, which didn’t let him know if it was because she heard him or because she didn’t. Cassio was pushed by someone to go back into the dance circle, but he was all danced out. He pushed through the crowd until he got to an area closer to the wall, where there weren't as many people and the music was quieter.

The flask was in his pocket and he took it out to take a gulp. How could she do that? Sylk knew how much that didn't sit right with him, the crossing of his characters’ worlds.

Cassio didn’t know when it started, but somewhere in his childhood he figured out that he loved acting like different people. It started out as lying whenever he met people he knew that he wouldn’t see again. Then he tried out makeup, wigs, and accessories as a means of interacting with people during outings with his mom. Becoming someone new just for the fun of it.

Then, it wasn’t as fun. It became a serious question- who was he? Which character was he meant to be permanently? When the wigs and the makeup came off at night, who was staring back at Cassio in the mirror? It was so much easier to pretend to feel and pretend to be human when he didn’t have to be himself. When he didn’t have to be someone who was soulless and empty.

“Cass, I said are you alright?” Sylk’s voice cut through his thoughts. She put a hand on his shoulder. He pushed it away.

“Cassandra, Cassandra. She’s all you can talk about. I know you like me more when I’m her, but I’m not her right now.”

“Woah, um, okay. I don’t ‘like you more’ when you’re Cassandra. I like you no matter who you are.”

“Categorically untrue. Everyone has a preference, it’s only natural. Even if you don’t admit it, I can tell. My mom likes it when I’m Cassidy. Mina liked it when I was Castiel. And you like Cassandra.”

“I really don’t have a preference, dude! I just like you,” Sylk stumbled forward to reach for Cassio’s face, but he pushed her hands away again.

“You can’t like all of me. You can’t be friends with all of me.” Cassio took a step backwards and then walked around until he could get away from his roommate. Some random guy caught his wrist to stop him.

“Can I have your number?” He asked. He looked handsome enough. He was wearing a button up and a very elaborate choker.

“Maybe later." Cassio snatched his arm away and continued to walk until he hit another wall. This one had a door that he just instinctively went through. Anything to get away from her. He couldn’t face her right now.

He found himself in an alleyway. The New York alleyways had all been lined with subtle light strips for safety purposes sometime back in 2210, so at least it wasn’t completely dark. The door slammed behind Cassio. He tried the knob. It was locked from the outside. Of course. He’d have to loop around to the front to get back in.

Cassio sighed and slid onto the concrete ground. He shouldn’t have talked to Sylk like that. It was really over nothing. He was just confused about his own identity and imposing it on her, which wasn’t fair. She only ever tried to help him. 

It wasn’t until yesterday that she finally opened up about her family, and that was when he was a fucking statue. Was the only way Sylk would feel safe enough to talk to Cassio was when he was a character who didn’t speak back? Cassio had to be a truly awful person if that were the case. Even a cruel, emotionless monster should be able to treat their roommate better than this.

He heard a rustling to his left. Cassio looked up, wandering is he was alone or if it was just some random animal. He put a hand on the switchblade in his pocket. Normally, people would use soul knives that could connect to their soul and sharpened when activated, like a miniature lightsaber. Even weapons had been revolutionized by soul technology. Since he didn’t have a soul, Cassio had to rely on old-world knives with basic mechanics.

“Who’s there?”

The rustling stopped. Cassio didn’t trust that for a second. He stood up to investigate. He walked slowly and carefully. The sound seemed to be coming from the other side of a giant dumpster. He could see the shoe of a person sitting down like he had been mere moments ago.

Cassio made a wide berth around the front of the dumpster so that he wouldn’t be caught by surprise if the mystery person stood up. Then, when the stranger finally came into view, Cassio couldn’t believe his eyes.

“Android?” Cassio said dumbly, and it didn’t strike him until now that he didn’t know the machine’s name.

He looked worse for wear. He was leaking black ooze from his stomach, which Cassio knew was basically his robot blood. One of his arms was completely detached, and he was holding the broken off arm with his still-attached arm. The synthetic skin on his face was torn from his lip to his chin.

“Who are you?” The Android’s eyes flickered for a moment, flashing red.

Right. The robot wouldn’t know who Cassio was. Furthermore, Cassio should just mind his own business instead of getting involved with whatever screwed up an android that horribly.

The android's voice changed. “Systems failing. Critical damage to internal mechanics. Calling for help- No!” The robot reached up so suddenly that Cassio jumped. The android clawed at his own jaw, ripping into his tear even more, until he grabbed something that was underneath the teeth. He ripped it out in a couple of tugs, cried out, and the bottom of his mouth splattered more of that black ooze. The small metallic device clinked to the ground.

“What… What was that?” Cassio was so confused. He looked to the left and right to make sure whatever had damaged the robot wasn’t still around. It seemed clear enough.

The robot’s eyes flickered again. “Your voice… it’s somewhere in my memory, but I can’t place it. My scanners aren’t working.” The android coughed and more of that black ooze came out of him. It was jarring to see something so human-looking be that injured. He knew its humanity was just a façade, but Cassio couldn't help but be curious.

Cassio knew he was going to kick himself for this later, but he bent down towards the android. “You do know me. I remember you from earlier. I just look different right now. I’m going to help, okay?”

“Please help, it… it hurts…”

“It must be pretty inconvenient to have one arm, but I know that it doesn’t really hurt-”

“No,” The robot left his detached arm in his lap to reach up shakily and grab Cassio’s shoulder. “It hurts. It really hurts.”

Cassio didn’t know what he meant. Hurt, like mentally? Could robots develop trauma?

The door to the back of the party opened again. Cassio looked up, hoping that it was Sylk, but it was the guy who was hitting on him earlier. This guy must’ve had the worst timing in all of history.

“There ya are! I was looking for you. I believe I was promised a number!” The guy walked towards Cassio. The android was at just the right angle where he couldn’t be seen by the random stranger.

“Stay here,” Cassio whispered.

“Don’t leave me. Come back,” The robot replied, reaching for the already standing Cassio.

“I will. Please wait patiently.”

“Who are ya talking to? Hey, I grabbed some drinks for us. What’s your name?”

Cassio wasn’t usually hit on this hard unless he was presenting as female. It was wild that he was getting this as a man, but either way it was getting tiring. If the guy kept walking he'd be within line of sight of the android, so Cassio walked forward and met him in the middle to keep him from seeing the robotic mess on the ground. He put a hand up.

“I’m gonna stop you right there. I’m good. Someone else offered me a date tonight, so I’m not available.”

“How about tomorrow, pretty boy?” The man downed one of the cups of alcohol and offered the other to Cassio. He shook his head no and declined.

“Aw come now, this cost me 15 dollars each. I got the expensive stuff for you,” He pushed the cup to Cassio again, this time towards his mouth. Cassio pursed his lips and leaned back to avoid the cup. He was getting awfully tired of this situation.

“You’re really gonna make me spell it out for you? No. N-O. I’m trying to be ni-” Cassio was interrupted by the man shoving the alcohol into his face again, getting some of it in his mouth while Cassio was mid-speaking. Cassio immediately spit it out and while he was distracted the man pinned Cassio to the wall. When he lifted up his arms to do this motion, Cassio saw the glowing silvery veins in his arms. He had a cybernetic enhancement of some sort, and Cassio was betting that it was for better strength.

“Don’t be like that, come on.”

Cassio reached for the knife in his pocket, but before he could grab it, something thunked onto the back of the man’s head. He fell forward. Cassio tilted to the right so that the stranger fell face-first onto the brick wall. Standing there behind him, unsteady on his feet, was the android. Cassio’s eyes drifted downward to see what he’d thrown. It was his arm.

The man slid onto the ground, and Cassio couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it all. He hadn't laughed in a long time, but it felt good to in that moment. The robot cracked a grin too, though it was messed up because of his torn lips. He began to also laugh, then it turned into a ragged cough and he fell to the ground next to the creepy stranger. Cassio frowned and began to reach towards him.

The back door opened again. This time it really was Sylk. She had lipstick stains all over her face and neck, and she was smiling until she surveyed the scene around her. Her face fell when she met Cassio’s eyes.

She walked towards him, almost tripping over the robot body and the human body in her drunken state.

“Cassio, are you alright? What the fuck happened out here? What’s that thing on the ground?” she rubbed her eyes tiredly.

Cassio nodded towards the human body, “That there is a piece of shit,” then he nodded towards the robot, “That one there is my new armless friend. Can we keep him?”

Sylk wrinkled her nose in confusion. She was swaying a bit, wobbly on her feet. “Cassio, is that an android? That’s an android,” She answered her own question, just to make sure she was sure that it was true.

“I know, but don’t you have an uncle who’s really into mechanics or something? I really need to know what his deal is, plus he helped me-”

“CASSIO!” Sylk stopped him from talking and put a finger to his mouth.

He quieted once he heard her tone of voice. “It’s an android, Cassio. That doesn’t make any sense,” She squinted at the mass on the ground and blinked a few times. She didn't believe what she was seeing. “ It’s an android, so why does he have a soul?”