Chapter 36: Do What You Want

Another week had flown by quickly, and Alto had now finally finished cleaning out the facility and decontaminated himself. As Celia drove the airship towards the space center carrying Hikaru and Vitoria along with her, the question from a week ago still lingered on her mind.

How should I tell my parents? she wondered, when should I tell them? Surely some time soon right? After all, we're so close to getting everything working and they’re still in the dark about all of this.

She recalled Weston’s words about how he was conflicted about whether or not to support his daughter’s dreams or follow his duty as DDF agent. She saw herself in his daughter in a sort of way; having parents she knew that would be conflicted about what she really wanted to do.

Not only that, but his daughter is another person that has dreams about space… just like Alto said; there’s lots of more people out there that share the same ambitions as me, she thought to herself as she remembered his words on the rooftop, that’s why it’s my duty to take the torch and light the way for future generations so that they don’t have to have their dreams crushed when they got older. I have to do it, regardless of whether or not I have the support of my parents.

She knew she was being hypocritical when she told Hikaru that the only thing that should matter is how he felt about the journey. Those words were easier to say when she wasn’t on the receiving end of them.

Suddenly, the doors to the control room open as she turns around to see Vitoria enter with her support drone.

“Is everything alright in here?” she asked as she looked over to Celia.

“Yeah, I’m just driving the airship that’s all,” she said, “is something the matter?”

Vitoria gave her her signature half-narrowed-eye-half-raised-eyebrow look which made Celia immediately feel guilty.

“Don’t lie to me Celia; I have an airship license too, and I’m well aware of how these things work,” she said sternly, “once it’s in the air, the autopilot feature takes care of the long distance rides until you need to make a turn. Something’s on your mind and I know it, especially because of the way you just lied just now.”

Celia looks down at the ground.

“It’s… it’s nothing you should be worried about,” she said, “it’s something I have to handle on my own.”

Vitoria gave her another stern look before relaxing her face.

“You know, my team and I have a rule for when we work with each other,” she suddenly said in a surprisingly gentle tone, “if one of us has something on their mind that’s bothering them, then they should tell it to the team. It’s not only because we care about each other as individuals, but also because we care about the project as a whole. If there’s something constantly gnawing at the back of your mind, it greatly hinders your productivity levels, which makes it harder on everyone else. Since we’re getting to see the rocket up close in person today, I want you to be in the best state of mind for it — so tell me Celia, tell me what’s wrong.”

Celia sighs, and finally relents. Vitoria was right — she had been gloomy all week. As the project was creeping to a close at a rate she hadn’t anticipated, the realization that she hadn’t told her parents anything yet was slowly starting to permeate at the back of her mind.

“It’s just… I haven’t told my parents about my plans or goals yet,” she explained, “all they know is that I’m on a trip to Gran Andes right now, and I’m worried what they might think when I reveal to them the truth… if I ever do that is. I want to tell them everything, because I don’t want them to find out by me being arrested on the news. My parents have been supportive of me all my life, but that’s because all my life I hadn’t done anything that would warrant me being a criminal. I know that I’ll stick it to the end with this project regardless of what they think, but I also know that it’ll be infinitely harder to do so.”

“I see,” she said, sitting down the copilot seat next to Celia, “I can actually relate to that feeling.”

"You can?" 

"Yes,” she confirmed, “and I mean it. Hikaru tells me that I’m one of your biggest celebrities and that you know a lot about me, correct?”

Celia blushed and slowly nodded.

“Then you must also know that my hometown is in the city of Naiba in Ubuntara, and that I don’t come from a very outstanding family,” she continued, “my family owns a family embroidery and accessory store, and to this day they still do. Much like your parents, they didn’t care what I wanted to do but had always assumed that I would take over the family business one day. However, while I did like embroidering, I always took a much bigger interest in science, much like my uncle — the only problem was that my uncle died during a chemical accident during one of his experiences, so it always felt taboo to pursue that path.”

She then points to herself up and down.

“As you can see, obviously I chose this path in the end anyway, and it definitely paid off,” she continued, “but at some point down the line to my destination, I too questioned how I should approach the topic with my parents. When I got an internship offer to work at New Genesis in an office in Gran Andes, I knew the time I had left to tell them was starting to get smaller and smaller, so the day before my departure I decided to just tell them the truth. Their reactions were mixed, but in the end, they accepted my decision, and continued to support me even from afar. The day I was promoted to department head, they even handcrafted me these golden braid cuffs that I now wear everyday.”

Celia sat there silently.

“I don’t get it,” she finally said, “how are you telling me to approach this?”

“The point is there is no ‘how’ you approach it, it’s ‘how’ you accept the outcome of it,” Vitoria said, “it’s up to you to decide how and when you want to talk to them, but you have to understand that no matter what the outcome is, you have to be resolved about what you want to do. There is no expecting a good outcome out of this Celia; in the end the outcome will typically always be mixed, but in a sort of way that’s the outcome you want isn’t it?”

“What do you mean?” Celia asked.

“I meant that you neither want them to support you fully nor do you want them to completely deject you either,” she explained, “I felt the same way as well back then. It would feel weird if they pushed me to take part of what was considered taboo; it’d be like them wanting me to die in a sort of way, but at the same time, I didn’t want them to tell me not to pursue it. The same applies to you right? You don’t want them to encourage you to become a criminal but also don’t want them to deny your dreams. From what it sounds like, your parents are similar to mine, and while I can’t guarantee it, the reaction will most definitely be mixed.”

A mixed reaction? she wondered, is that what I’ve been looking for this entire time?

“Celia,” Vitoria suddenly cut through her thoughts with a gentle tone, “you can do what you think is best for you, but if you ask me for my opinion, I’ll ask you to get a response from your parents before we get to the space center. Like I said before, I don’t want your mind to be clouded by the time we see the rocket in person. If you’re still conflicted, stop thinking about what you want, and start considering what you don’t want, and what you’re just fine with... I’ll leave you alone now, so you can make your own decisions.”

She gives Celia a pat on the back before exiting out of the control room, leaving her alone with her thoughts.

What is it I don’t want? she asked herself as she took a moment to think, the main thing I don’t want is for them to find out when it’s already too late. That sort of thing overpowers everything else for me. The solution to that? To tell them right now.

She picks up her phone and opens up her messaging app, reading the last text messages between her and her parents. It was just a bunch of random pictures Hikaru took and gave her so she could show her parents, as well as a message from her dad.

“Did you buy any souvenirs yet?” he asked.

“No, I’ll buy them the day before I get back so I don’t lose them,” she replied.

“And when is that?” her mom asked.

“I’m not sure yet. Maybe when I finally get bored of exploring?,” she said.

“Ok but just try to let us know a feel weeks in advance ok? Remember, we love you.”

The last message was from her mom, but her dad added a heart reaction under it as if agreeing with her. Celia stared at it for a while, contemplating what to do.

Right, she told herself, I have to remember they love me — something that not everyone has the fortune of having.

Taking a deep breath to steel her resolve, she began to type up her long, single, message:

“Hey mom and dad. I know this is very late, but I just wanted to come out and tell you guys the truth. I’m not actually here in Gran Andes to explore the world. I’m actually here to build a rocket along with a few other friends. And not just any rocket, but a rocket that actually works and is going to go to the moon. I know it’s against the law, but this is my choice, and this is what I want to do. You know I’ve always been fascinated with space when I was younger, and even now I still am. Grandfather is always telling me stories about how much his grandfather loved exploring space, and I just want to relive his dream. I’m tired of seeing the fake stars in the sky and I’m tired of everything I’m building seeming worthless in the end. I don’t need you guys to tell me you support me, but I also don’t want you guys to say that you don’t. I just wanted to tell you because I love you too, and I believe that the both of you deserve to know without having to find out the hard way.”

After sending it to them, she takes a deep breath and slumps down in her chair, anxiously waiting for their response. 

A few minutes later, she hears a notification and opens her phone to see the response. There were only 2 simple, four worded response, but it was enough to clear up her mind and make her smile:

“We trust you Celia.”

“Do what you want.”