To Dance, and to Sing

Of course, running away from the girls was never an option. I should've known that, but I didn't, and now I have to suffer the consequences.

I had completely forgotten about the car ride to the venue, which I would've inevitably had to sit with them. All the while, their piercing gazes struck me like daggers every minute. With every glance they stole, a piece of my soul slipped away, and all I could do was sit there and take it.

Manager Na noted that it was kind of quiet in the van today, and not a single one of them replied.

Sorry, Manager Na. I'd totally reply to you, but... I feel like the moment I open my mouth, all hell would break loose.

Eventually, we made it to the venue. Manager Na led the girls to the rehearsal room while I was sent off to do checkups. I got with some of the venue staff to let them know that Sunayomi had arrived. After that, I looked around the backstage area, trying to keep myself busy until I got a message from Suguha.

Suguha: "Hey. Can you swing by the rehearsal room whenever you can?"

Me: "Yeah. Did something happen?"

Suguha: "Oh no! I just need your opinion on something."

Me: "I'll be there in three minutes."

Three minutes later, I stood at the door to the rehearsal room. Before I was Sunayomi's assistant, I was a regular backstage crew runner. During a live performance, every second mattered, so I became quite adept at managing my time.

With a twist of the knob, I stepped in, expecting the others to be there as well. Instead... It was just Suguha, sitting alone while looking at herself in the mirror.

"Suguha?" I asked.

She looked over and smiled, but I've known her long enough to know a dull smile like that was just a façade.

"Hey, Yozora," she said.

I walked over to her as she kept staring at the mirror.

"Not the best look to have before a big performance, don't you think?" I scoffed.

"Hehe. Yeah."

She didn't say anything after that. Her message said that she needed my opinion on something, and now, I have a pretty good idea of what that something is.

"Talk to me, Suguha. What's got you looking down like this?"

"Huh? Do I look down?"

"Totally. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were reluctant about performing today. Almost like..."

I didn't finish that sentence because I suddenly remembered something. There was a day when Suguha and I went out to the street market together. We hung out, ate, and talked a bit. She seemed so happy to partake in something so simple—so normal... because she knew that she wasn't normal herself.

After a brief moment of just thinking, I pulled out a chair and sat down next to her. And we just sat in silence. Seconds, minutes—I don't even know how long.

"So how were rehearsals?" I asked.

"Oh. It was good," she said rather blandly, but that didn't stop me from speaking normally.

"Really? I thought you'd have more to say like all the other times. Hm... Like how Natsume tripped and fell, and that you couldn't stop laughing for five minutes straight."

"Maybe it's because today is such a big deal that everyone was pretty much putting in a hundred and one percent effort—even Nabi. Well... Everyone except for me."

"And why is that?"

"Huh?"

"I'm asking why you think you didn't put in as much effort as everyone else."

She crossed her arms with a pout. "Sheesh... You're so straightforward. Not even gonna ease up to it or anything."

"I'm not the best at reading the room, so I'll say whatever's on my mind from time to time. Besides, isn't that why I got hired as your assistant in the first place?"

"Hehe. I guess so," she chuckled, the sound soft and fleeting.

Suguha took a deep breath, her shoulders relaxing as she finally turned away from the mirror. Her gaze found mine, her round, gentle eyes meeting me fully.

There was a time when that look would've made me uneasy, when I would've dropped my own gaze and told myself I wasn't worth being noticed by someone like her—or by anyone, really. I used to think it was because I wasn't used to being seen as if the act itself was too foreign and invasive.

But those thoughts didn't hold the same power anymore. As Suguha's eyes searched mine, there was no hesitation on my part. I stared back, steady and quiet, with no particular thought in mind.

"To be honest, I overexaggerated to call you here, Yozora," she mumbled. "This... is something I always go through before any big performance. Remember when I told you that I hated singing and dancing?"

"Because of your parents. Yeah, explicitly."

"That one wasn't an exaggeration. I mean, I still give it my all. I still practice and perform to the best of my ability, but I could never figure out why. Why am I trying so hard when I know I'm not enjoying it? Don't me wrong, I know that I'm fortunate to be here. After all, this is a dream career for so many people, but... I'm just not seeing it like that anymore. And now, here I am, doubting every part of myself." 

She tried to sound as normal as she could, but it wasn't difficult to pick up on the hint of frustration lacing her words. It made me kind of sad, and for some reason, I feel like I'm not allowed to leave her like this.

Unlike last time, I mustered the courage to rest my hand on her shoulder. To my surprise, she put her hand on top of mine, squeezing it as if she found solace in this simple act.

"Hear me out for a minute, Suguha," I said. "You, an idol of Sunayomi, work hard every hour of every day. New songs, new dance moves, whatever it is you guys do to keep your fans happy. Going through that same routine will eventually burn you out, and that's not your fault."

"I know that. I do... Maybe it's just a part of my head that's wired differently, and it's making me see things that aren't really there."

"Then why don't you try focusing on the things that are there? For example... Natsume, Yoshino, and Mitsuki. They're your best friends, aren't they? Maybe even family. So part of the reason why you work so hard is to not bring them down, and I'm sure it's the same for them. Call me cringe, but I think that's pretty admirable."

Just then, her eyes widened as if she had reached an epiphany.

I'm not sure how it really is for idols, so I might be speaking out of my ass right now, but I meant everything I said. Words are all I can offer, so all that's left is to hope that Suguha can go back to her usual, cheerful self.

I slipped on a smile and gently flicked Suguha's forehead.

"W-what was that for...?" she mumbled.

"A bit of disciplining from your assistant," I said. "Anyway, there's gonna be a lot of eyes on you tonight. Including me, not like I matter that much anyway. Just saying. So... Keep your head up high. Hm? Suzu?"

Her cheeks suddenly flushed a brilliant red, and she looked away, biting her lip as though trying to contain something. But she didn’t say anything. The silence stretched between us, quiet but not uncomfortable, like a pause before a breath.

"Ah... Should I... have not said your name?" I gulped.

Suddenly, she turned right back around and wrapped her arms around me, burying her face in my chest. I had to be as steady as possible to keep myself from falling off the chair.

"You’re such an idiot sometimes," she mumbled into my shirt, her voice barely above a whisper. Then, she looked up, her lips curved into the faintest smile.

I blinked, momentarily frozen. I'm not the most touchy guy. Even with my past relationship, we rarely held hands—let alone hug. This... is a massive step up from everything I've ever done.

"I gotta say... I think you're the best thing to happen to Sunayomi so far," she grinned. "And that one wasn't an exaggeration. Just by talking to you, I feel a lot better now, so... Thank you... Noa."

Hesitantly, I placed my hands on her back. "I told you, didn't I? I'll be whatever model assistant you want me to be. So... If there's anything you need me to do, just ask."